Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

After Sunday’s disaster and Monday’s torment, the rest of the week has been pretty sedate in comparison.

Monday night pain gave me a replay of Sunday night’s dream. Pain, tearing me apart as I lay dead. Voices outside my box, arguing. Screams. Metal on metal, falling forever until I hit the water, falling until my box lodged itself into the riverbed. Dead and still dying forever, pain tearing at me, a sliver of light mocking me as I lay dead in a box. I woke, screaming, alone in my room. It took me a few hours, but I managed to get back to sleep. Only to dream of lying in a box at the bottom of the river, agonizing pain killing me forever.

Didn’t wake up until Marie knocked on my door, though. I stumbled over and opened it with my right hand, every step causing the bones in my left to melt and shatter. I stood there, trying to keep myself in some kind of condition to be civil. Marie stepped into the room, one hand gently caressing me from the top of my pointy ear to my chin as she stepped over to my pile of laundry. I don’t mean she ran her finger across my cheek. I mean, she did, but only after palming my whole damn head like a basketball. She lifted yesterday’s uniform from the floor with a frown, eyes going wide as she took in the complete lack of destruction that had been there yesterday when I left the Yard.

She looked at me, eyes still wider than a humans ought to go. ”How?”

I shrugged, the move vibrating the bones in my left arm to dust. ”Loki.”

She held it up, piece by piece, checking it over. Eventually she said, ”Nice.” and lay it across my personal Shrine.

”Hey, I don’t want to give that one up! It’s really nice, and you,” I stuttered a bit, ”you made it for me.”

She lay a finger over my lips and said, ”Today.” then stepped back to the door. She turned her head around like an owl and asked, ”Bath?”

Not sure if I said ’yes’ because I was anticipating one of her massages, terrified of her treatment of my arm yesterday, or vice versa, but I said it.

I chowed down at breakfast, As well as I could with one hand, anyhow. More sausages than usual, because I can one hand those easier. Couldn’t nom nearly as many spicy eggs.

Remedial Mana Shaping? Downright hilarious. Painful, but hilarious. Doc had a desk with a built in support for my left arm all ready for me. I didn’t have the heart to tell them it hurt more lying in the support. It didn’t hurt much more, so I left it there while I demonstrated Mana Blade for them, testing it out on a whole duffel bag worth of stuff they’d brought to class for that purpose.

The only thing it couldn’t cut? My Special Needs Mana Bubble, of all the wacky assed things. So, not an unstoppable weapon, but a pretty good one for what it’s worth.

In the afternoon Loki helped me write my letters of apology. I wasn’t sure if ’confined to quarters’ meant ’no nighttime playtime for Tabitha and Saffron’, but I sure as hell didn’t want to chance it, so I buckled down and wrote. He didn’t actually show up, but he answered all my questions. If these letters earn any Glory for anyone, he deserves the lion’s share of it.

I wrote them in English. As Loki explained when I delivered them to Headmaster Miles, no language had been specified, and English is the only language I’m completely fluent in writing.

”To his Honor, Headmaster Miles of Phileo City Heroic Academy.

I wholeheartedly apologize for any disrespect I visited upon your person this past Twenty-Seven Coll. While the nature of the incident left my judgment, questionable at the best of times, patently insufficient for polite interaction with anyone, let alone yourself, that only explains my disrespect, it does not excuse it. I did not intend to disrespect you, good intentions do not reverse poor decisions. My actions in the hallway were disrespectful in the extreme, and again, I apologize for them, and hope you may at some point find I have earned your forgiveness for my rash actions.

Sincerely, First Year Cadet Tabitha Diaz of Phileo City Heroic Academy.”

”Trease,

I’m sorry I kicked you twice. I’ll promise I’ll try really hard not to kick you again.

Tabitha.”

So, mission accomplished? I mean, each of them need to find a translator now, and then they’d need to accept or reject my letters, but I’d met the Headmaster’s deadline of ’before Dinner’ today, so, go me. I even sounded all polite and polished in my letter to the Headmaster. I can avoid being a total trash human being, see? I mean, when Loki rams his metaphoric hand up my metaphoric ass and works my metaphoric mouth like a puppet, but still. Baby steps, right?

Anyway, dinner wasn’t great. but I looked forward to having Saffron over tonight. I mean, I really hoped she hadn’t decided to dump my sorry ass as a precaution after me being Court Martialed.

I really hoped she hadn’t decided to dump my significantly sorrier ass because I’d made the ’fucking’ part of ’fucking Infirmary’ literal with Marie during my attempted Suicide by Sparagmos yesterday. Shit. I didn’t know if she even knew about yesterday. I hoped she didn’t know about yesterday. After only a moment’s consideration, I realized I hoped she did know, because that way I didn’t have to tell her. Because she deserved to know, so if she didn’t, I had to tell her.

Shit.

She must have realized something was off, because the moment the Maids kicked us out, she came around the table and took my hands, her touch feather light on my left. I still crunched my teeth to keep myself from screaming, but the thought counted a lot. She looked down at my hands, one with a brand new scar striped across the fingers, one apparently fine, but shivering faintly from pain. ”Do... Do you want me to stay with you tonight?”

I couldn’t help myself, I leaned toward her until our foreheads met. ”Please. Please, I get you might not want to, and I’m not gonna force you or beg you or anything but... Shit. I totally am gonna beg. Please?”

She got a mischievous look in her eyes and whispered just loud enough for me to hear, ”please what?”

I looked at my feet. ”Please stay with me tonight?”

That just fanned the fires, she leaned in and whispered, ”I’m sorry, who were you talking to again?”

I’m an idiot, because it took me this long to realize what game she wanted to play. I mean, the venue surprised me a little, but fuck it, I’m totally game for Extra Super Mega Over The Top PDA. In my best falsetto, I declaimed, ”Oh, my dear sweet Saffie-kins, will you please bless me with your company tonight?”

That got her. She snorted out a laugh, then slid one hand up the back of my head and took a firm grip, using it to pull my head to her shoulder, to pull my ear to her throat. I’m sure no one else heard her, but I couldn’t miss it when she growled, ”What’s. My. Name.” paused for half a tick and finished, ”Tabitha?”

I mean, she damn near finished Tabitha right then and there. To quote one of the great love poems of our time, ’My chick do things your chick wish she could.’

But I’ve proven again and again I will never fail to have an insufficient amount of stupid for anything. I shook my head as much as I could, ignoring the pull on my hair and the subsequent increase in naughty impulses, and kept up my falsetto long enough to say, ”oh, no! I’m Tabitha. You’re,” I dropped the falsetto and breathed, ”Saffron,” into her shoulder.

I swear to god she melted right there, her arms snaking around me, hugging me to her until I put my arms around her; bent over like this I had the perfect access to get a hand on the back of each her thighs and lift her up, sliding my right arm under her ass for her to sit on, returning her hug with my left.

”Doesn’t that hurt?”

”Oh, fuck yeah.”

”Then... why?”

”It’d hurt worse to let you go.”

She just nuzzled into my neck in turn and said, ”yes, Tabitha Diaz, I will gladly spend this and any other night I can with you, if you’ll have me.”

Good enough for me. I started for the Dorm, ignoring my arm’s screaming complaints about lava shattering my bones. As I walked, I said, ”aren’t you the smart one of us?”

”Obviously.”

”Then how is it you haven’t noticed the whole pattern of me having you on every possible occasion. ’If’ I’ll have you. Like there’s a question at this point.”

She giggled a little. ”I mean, I tell you no all the time in the morning.”

”Yeah, but we were talking about whether I’d tell you no.”

”I’m sure there’s something you’d tell me no about.”

I shrugged, my right shoulder grumbling about it. ”Can’t think of one, haven’t thought of one yet. Just don’t see it happening.”

I am such a dumb bitch. Heroes, Lords, Mages, Gods, Primordials, the real ruler of the multiverse is Murphy, and I’d just cockslapped his dog.

We got to my room, and actually took our time with hijinks. Some of it was her being hyper-considerate of my useless painful fucked up arm, some of it was me trying to think of a way to work my infidelity into the conversation before we got too involved for me to back out. I surprised myself by really enjoying us taking our time, talking through every little thing. I mean, Consent is important, and Enthusiastic Consent can cause Global Panty Obliteration, but apparently quiet, constant negotiation of Consent is a constantly building slow burn. Me likey.

Me am also Dumb Bitch.

Marie knocked on the door.

About thirty seconds after the last bits of fabric on either of us hit the floor.

Saffron did an incredible spontaneous deer-in-headlights impression. I facepalmed, deliberately using my left hand for maximum self-flagellation, then rolled out of bed and went to the door. Saffron squeaked and yoinked my top blanket around herself, doing a remarkable instant shapeshift from Nekkid Saffron to Blanket Dumpling Saffron. Stupid cute, but I couldn’t bring myself to keep looking as I pulled the door open and let Marie in, loaded Cart and all. Marie pushed the door closed behind her, then set about clearing some space on the floor.

”Oh. Duh. Why didn’t you tell me, Goof?” Saffron unclenched her grip on the blanket; she kept it wrapped around her, but the bit that she’d pulled over her head slipped back so now she became Blanket Mumu Saffron. Not nearly as cute.

I clenched my left fist, hissing as I did, and Saffron twigged immediately to my upset. ”Did. Do you...”

I held up my left hand, asking her to wait, pleading with her to let me speak, begging her to stay without a word. I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders, forced myself to look straight into Saffron’s eyes, and confessed, ”Yesterday, in the Infirmary, while I was getting ready for my Court Martial,” I took another deep breath, cursing myself for being too much of a bitch to just spit it out, ”Marie and I had sex.”

Saffron blinked at that, losing her grip on the blanket completely, becoming Blanket Omurice Saffron. Emotions flashed across her face, through her eyes, one after another. Surprise. Shock. Disbelief. Confusion. Anger, or maybe Frustration. They blended seamlessly in an emotional alchemy I’d had a lifetime to watch, ending up with a perfect ’what the fuck, Diaz’ stare.

Her first words upon my confession of infidelity? ”I thought you were joking about fucking in the Infirmary. Did you two actually get Sister Siobhan to join in?”

I shook my head, clutching my left fist. ”Saffron, I’m serious.”

She pulled back a little at that, confusion melting into hurt. ”Oh. Oh. Did, did you want me to go?”

”No!” I dove toward her, my knees hitting the floor next to the bed, my face hitting the piled blankets near her feet. ”No, no, no, no, no, I don’t want you to go! I get that you want to, and I won’t make you stay, but I don’t want you to, and I knew you would when I told you, so I didn’t want to, but I feel bad keeping things from you, so I had to tell you, but I couldn’t figure out how to tell you, and...” I wound down as she shook in my grasp.

Then a deep, rich laugh burbled out of her. ”You goof. You enormous fucking goof. Yeah, I’m mad at you. Sort of,” she huffed at me, ”although it’s really irrational. It’s not like you could get permission to come visit me in my cell. Even if you could, I’m supposed to be communing with my Patron, and demonstrating appropriate Devotions to my daughter. I mean, if my Patron were Aphrodite, or Eros, or, I dunno, Loki.” A sudden look of horrified comprehension crossed her face. ”Was this some kind of Devotional thing?”

”No! I’m...” But she cut me off, speculation steamrolling over my attempted apology.

”I mean, don’t take this as a complaint or an accusation, but you’re pretty lusty, I’m not super surprised you decided to take a Concubine...”

”She’s not my concubine!”

Up to this point, Marie had been folding up our dirty clothes, packing them away in her cart, but the moment I said that, she jumped as if I’d slapped her, twisting around to look up at me while on one knee facing her cart. ”No?”

Her single word conveyed so much hurt and betrayal that I winced and blurted out, ”You want that?”

At almost the same time Saffron narrowed her eyes and asked, ”since I can’t see you using someone and discarding them, you’re telling me you want to take another lover?”

”No!” I saw Marie’s wince. ”Yes!” Saffron frowned, and I faceplanted into the blanket and just screamed. By the second lungful of air I was crying and screaming, ”I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” over and over again into the blanket. I’d fucked everything up in one moment of self-destructive self-hatred, and I absolutely deserved to lose everything.

Saffron’s hand settled atop my head, a single, calm, ”stop,” freezing me in place, trying to stop my stupid sobbing.

Her voice preternaturally calm, she asked, ”does she know?” I shook my head. ”May I tell her?” I nodded, still trying to stop my fucking sniffling. Because I am The Dumbest Bitch Ever (Trademark Pending), I clenched my left fist and beat it against the blanket, forcing more whining sobs out of me.

Marie purred. Saffron’s hand shook a little. She said, ”Marie, I will tell you something, but it is a secret dear to Tabitha. Will you keep it?”

A single word, ”Yes.” interrupted Marie’s purring briefly. How the fuck do both Marie and Saffron purr? Is it a fucking Bag thing? Probably a Bag fucking thing. I tried to keep myself focused on Saffron as she quickly explained my origin to Marie.

”You see why it’s important for us to keep that secret for her?”

”No.”

Saffron sighed, ”but you will keep it a secret?”

Marie repeated, slowly and carefully, the way you do when you’re talking to an idiot, drawing the word out to a full three syllables, ”Yes.”

”Good enough, I suppose. Tabitha, what are the accepted norms for relationships where you’re from?”

I pushed myself up with my left hand, cringing as I did. Marie shuffled a little closer, still on her knees, as she slid her cart closed. ”You mean for the rich and powerful, or, y’know, us?”

Saffron sighed, ran her hand down from my hair along one side of my face while she rubbed her temples with the other one. Without moving either, she said, ”Tabitha, you realize you and I are on the fast track to being rich and powerful, yes? I mean, powerful, which can easily become rich. Or dead, but then we won’t care.”

”You should.”

She caught my meaning immediately, because she has a vastly better brain than mine, and she actually uses hers on occasion, unlike your girl Tabitha. ”Fine. I hereby name you Isnomi’s Godmother. If I predecease you, please care for her as I would.”

”What the fuck, Aetos?”

She quirked her lips, ”Do you think a poor single mother has hordes of admirers and friends clamoring to be her child’s Godparent?”

I snorted. ”Figured you’d get her a Fairy Godmother or something.”

She shrugged. ”I considered it, but as you noted, I’m poor. I’ve got nothing to bargain with. She’d wind up a slave in all but name, and I won’t have that for her. Better for her to grow up with Grandma than that.”

”Okay, we’re kinda getting off track here. How do you get from me cheating on you to you making me Isnomi’s Godmother?”

”You’re the one who brought up me dying and leaving her alone.”

”Yeah, but I’m about as maternal as a cheese grater.”

She rolled her eyes, then took me by the shoulders and shook me a little. ”Maybe, maybe, but the other half of the whole ’Godmother’ thing would be the whole ’not dying’ part. Tabitha, you powered a Revive, solo, and only lost an arm. I mean, hell, it’s still there and you can move it. Force it to channel Mana even. If I did that you’d be burying me right now.” She looked at her hands, bore down on my left shoulder, and raised an eyebrow at my complete lack of scream. ”Wait. You lied about your fucking arm?”

”NO!”

She huffed. ”Okay, you lied about your shoulder, then?”

”No! It just stopped hurting so much somewhere in the middle of the trial.”

”It what?” The question came out utterly flat, as if she couldn’t wrap her brain around the idea.

”I dunno. You’re the smart one. I’m the thug too stupid to know when I’m supposed to die.”

She pulled me close, planting a kiss on my forehead before leaning back, pulling my head down to rest on her boobs. ”You absolute goof. You have no idea how special you are, do you?”

”Oh yeah, look at Tabitha, indestructible slut wimfff” I’d intended to say ’with the microscopic brain’, but she silenced me by rotating my face into her cleavage.

”Look, would polygamy be normal for you back there?”

I shook my head.

”Monogamy?”

I nodded.

”Concubines?”

Shake.

”Infidelity?”

I shrugged, and she pulled my head back to clear my mouth. ”Explain.”

”I mean, guys cheat. Like, I know in theory not all of them, but every girl I know with a kid is a single mom. A couple have baby daddies that help out with money. One even has one who does real Dad things. But the relationship, even there, is all around the kid.”

”So, infidelity ends relationships, but it’s ubiquitous?”

”Ubi-what?”

She clutched my hair, and Marie shuffled a little closer. ”Tabitha, I’ve heard you use that word. Correctly. Just because I am more intelligent than you does not mean you are stupid. Stop it, I’m not in the mood for it.”

”Yes, Saffron.” She smiled down at me, ruffling my hair.

”Goof.”

”Still dumb enough to cheat on you.”

”When?”

I just goggled at her, then pulled away enough to throw both arms at Marie in a Will Smith ’look at this!’

”Did we agree not to take Concubines? Hell, did we even agree not to take other lovers?” She half turned from me and muttered, ”I kinda thought you would eventually, really.”

I cupped her cheeks in my palms, forcing her to look me in the eyes. ”I am not leaving you unless you drive me away. And we both know you can’t lay out enough hurt to do that.”

She flicked my nose, ”don’t tempt me.” Then she paused, eyes slowly panning to take in Marie, then back to me. ”Never mind. I agree with your assessment. Now, what I meant was that complete satisfaction with our current arrangement aside, you’re starving when I could eat.”

”You like the food?”

She rolled her eyes. ”Does everyone smell like you there?”

”No. I didn’t. That’s pure Isekai me.”

”It still boggles my mind how you casually throw Japanese phrases into conversation.”

”Anime’s ubiquitous and amusing.”

”Anyway, before Marie starts humping your leg, this turns into an orgy, and you go attempt assisted self-flagellation by, I don’t know, headbutting Zeus in the balls or something, we have a conversation of some urgency to finish.”

”Urgency?”

”Marie is about to start dry humping your leg, at least one of the blankets I’m sitting on needs to be washed, and you’re... you.”

I blinked at that, but closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and put on my (entirely metaphoric in this instance) Big Girl Panties.

”So how do you want to handle this?”

”The selfish irrational part of me wants you all to myself, but food goes to waste if there’s too much for one person to eat, so we shan’t be doing that, because while I don’t mind being a little selfish, I hate being irrational.”

”And you say I’m hard on myself.”

She clucked her tongue and said, ”it’s a huge... what’s that hilarious phrase you used? Beaver dam?”

”How the fuck did I ever get in your pants then?”

”You’re random and goofy, not irrational. And being more rational than someone slightly less smart than me is kind of my thing.”

”Like, you do it a lot thing, or it makes you want to get done a lot thing.”

She grinned that evil grin that I loved so much. ”Shut up, you, we were conversating about something else entirely.”

”Not entirely.”

”Granted. Now. I’d be more comfortable with you taking a Concubine than a lover.”

”Gotta ask. Why?”

She sighed, then sat up straight, emphasizing her petiteitude. ”I’m a tiny brilliant woman in a society that wants women to be brood mares or huntresses, not philosophers. I literally cannot compete on a level playing field, so it is well outside my comfort zone.”

”So no lovers. Got it.”

”I didn’t say that. I made my preference clear. I would leave my comfort zone for you if you needed it.” She stopped, sighed, and quietly added, ”or if you wanted it.”

I looked at the floor, unable to meet her eyes as I said, ”I don’t know if I could do that for you. I mean, I didn’t even go looking, it just kinda happened.”

”Which is a clear indication that you need something. Are you satisfied with just those in this room?”

I threw my hands up in the air. Twitch, grimace, purr, shuffle. ”Both of you just kind of happened!”

She huffed again. ”I hate it when you use things like evidence and logic against me. I mean, since we’re both trying to be at our most honest, I hate it when you do it and win. So how about this. Should anything just happen with anyone not in this room right now, you will tell me about it as soon as we have privacy, and we will decide how to proceed from there. You will not, under any circumstances, punish yourself for it.” Then she booped my fucking nose and said, ”that’s my job.” Marie growled and Saffron added, ”oh, hush, you. You know Tabitha well enough. We’ll both likely have more punishment than we can handle. We’ll need to get a third just to handle the overflow.”

I tried to reply, but before I could Marie dropped a, ”Fair.” hard enough to pin my jaw to the floor.

I gabbled out something vaguely resembling, ”you’re okay with me cheating on you? The fuck?”

”Tabitha, you keep using that word, but I don’t think it means what you think it means.”

I ignored the moment of synchronicity and said, ”huh?”

”We are from radically different cultures. We were operating on two completely different sets of rules, which means we might as well haven’t had any. Without rules, there is no rule breaking. Without rules, you cannot cheat. If you obey the rules, you aren’t cheating. Are you going to tell me?”

”I mean, if that’s what you want, sure.”

”Are you going to try punishing yourself?”

I paused, trying to keep up my honesty. ”I’ll try not to?”

She huffed, then folded her arms under her breasts, half looking away from me to say, ”We’ll sort that out as it occurs then, so long as you make a good faith effort. But be warned, we are not getting into an endless cycle of self-flagellation, flagellation, orgasms, and more self-flagellation. I have classes to study for.”

I snorted. ”You reminded me of Hero Potami there for a second.”

She beamed at me, ”and you go and say something sweet when I’m trying not to pounce on you right now. Goofy Bitch.” She shook her head as if to clear it and said, ”In the excessively unlikely event that anything ’happens’ with either of us and someone else, we’ll do the same.”

”Hey! You’re both pretty fuckin’ hot! It could happen!”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head, ”flattery aside, hotness isn’t the issue. We both have two things you lack. Standards and self-control.”

Before I could say anything, Marie shut me up with, ”True.”

”Now, if any of us is considering taking another lover, or a Concubine, or getting married, or, let’s just say ’any other intimate relationship of any nature or duration’, we will meet in private and discuss it, as well as any rules changes it might require.” She paused, thinking a moment before saying, ”That’s about it. Marie, can you live by those rules?”

”As?”

”Concubine.”

She growled, ”Yes,” and purred at the same time. Crazy freak that I am, it ground my gears a little.

”Excellent. Obviously, as I’m the one suggesting all these rules,” here she dropped into the perfect overworked housewife routine, ”doing all the work, slaving over hot rules until my brain is wrinkled, all the time, with no one appreciating me.”

I interrupted her, ”I’ll appreciate you. Right here, right now. Appreciating Saffron is what I do best!”

”No, that would be ’not dying’, apparently.” I frowned, shooting her puppy dog eyes, and she conceded, ”there, there, dear Tabitha. I am thoroughly satisfied with your appreciation as a general rule, even if right now you’re torturing me by not focusing on your answer.”

I’m smart, I’m pretty, people like me, and I’m smart. That’s why I said, ”uh, about what?”

”Can you follow those rules?”

I shrugged. ”Seems like a whole lot of legal mumbo jumbo to me.”

”That’s what rules are, sweetie. Can you follow them?”

”I’ll try really hard?”

”Fine. Final rule. If you break a rule, you come to me and tell me in private, and we’ll decide what to do about it between the three of us. Which will probably, at some point, involve us using our monetized Herodom to hire a professional dominatrix or something.”

”No.”

”Even you tire eventually. Which has more endurance, your limbs or darling Tabitha’s stupid?”

”Fair.”

”Hey!”

Saffron just broke down laughing, and I couldn’t help it, some of the tension and guilt flowed out with my own laughter. Even Marie chuckle-purred a little.

When we’d gone still, she sat up on the bed, a single blanket draped around her, Blanket Saffron Croquette, and leaned against the wall. ”Now, you’re the one who wanted a bath. I’m assuming that’s what you were doing yesterday when it happened?”

”Yeah.”

She grinned that sphincter-puckering, panty disintegrating grin of hers and said, ”so. Show me. So I know how much vengeance I must mete out upon your poor indestructible body.”

I went and sat in the tub. Marie pulled open her cart, extracting her bathing kit before turning to me with the first kettle of near scalding water.

Saffron interrupted almost immediately. ”No. Completely unfair. We’re both naked. You strip too.”

Before Marie could do more than raise a hand to her top button, I said, ”no.”

Saffron blinked. ”Okay. I didn’t expect a Maid kink, but if that’s what you’re into,” she shrugged.

”No. It’s not that.”

”Okay. What is it.”

Things snapped into place. ”It’s the same thing as the concubine thing. Maybe the word isn’t quite the same. Where I’m from, concubines are servants. They obey. They can’t say no.”

”No, no, that’s pretty much the same here.”

”That’s my objection then, to the whole concubine thing. Consent is important. If someone isn’t allowed to say ’no’, ’yes’ doesn’t matter.”

Saffron nodded. ”That tracks. I’m assuming you didn’t just force Marie, since that would be rather worse.”

”Yeeaahhh. My sterling moral character is why I didn’t physically force Marie to sate my rapacious desires.”

That got them both. Everything went on pause for the time took Marie and Saffron to stop laughing. ”Okay, you’re doing the brain work here, oddly enough. Explain.”

”I didn’t. I won’t. I refuse to tell Marie to do anything of a sexual nature.” I nodded, squaring my shoulders, the left one grumbling, a woman firm in my convictions.

After a moment Saffron shrugged and said, ”fine. I’m stumped. Show me.”

I slumped back down in the tub, turned to Marie, smiled, and said, ”do whatever you want to me. Just please, leave me clean at the end?”

She did. Oh, God, she did. Soundproof walls fully tested.

That’s absolutely it, Tabitha Diaz. You will explain my present excessively and ridiculously inappropriate tumescent condition to Sigyn next Monday. Be prepared.

Floating on a cloud of endorphins, I just thought back, Okie Doki Loki. I may have giggled. Okay, I definitely giggled. Like, Pinkie Pie worthy giggled.

Aaand now I am terrified beyond the capacity for rational Ihavetogonowbye.

I stood from my chair and floated on my own private cloud of endorphins and agony until I lay on my bed parallel to Saffron. I turned to her and smiled, ”your turn.”

She moved toward me and I shook my head, lifting my arm to point at Marie’s tub.

Her eyes got big as saucers and she gabbled a few incomprehensible things until she finally forced out, ”you want me to share your Concubine?”

I half lay there, pondering for a moment, then sighed, ”yeah.”

”I. I wondered yesterday if I would really risk my life for you. I realized I would without hesitation to protect you, but,” she closed her eyes, gulped down a lungful of air, ”I didn’t realize I’d do it to get you off. I’m not going to say no, but please, for my own sanity, give me a reason? Anything? Throw me a bone here?”

I smiled at her, leaning over to kiss her forehead before pulling back and holding up my left index finger. It burned as I said, ”it’s fair,” I held up my right index finger, leaned both fingers together, and growled, ”I want you as clean as I am,” I poked my right thumb out toward my other hand, ”I want to watch you,” and finally burned my left thumb to ash pressing it against my right. ”Two sticks at an angle fall apart, but a triangle is one of the most stable structures in the universe.”

She stood up, throwing the blanket off behind her. ”Marie, if you would, please?”

”No.”

I pouted. ”Please?”

I got to see Marie roll her eyes. ”Bathwater.” She loaded her cart faster than I’d ever seen her do it before. I think she may have even been slightly sloppy. ”Soon.”

She was as good as her word. The moment Marie’s claws touched Saffron’s naked back, Saffron grabbed one, stunning me by holding Marie motionless. ”Gently.”

Marie nodded. ”Yes.”

She washed Saffron as thoroughly as she had me, albeit without a single scream.

Of pain, anyhow.

When Saffron lay down across my lap, Marie reached for the door, cart loaded. ”Marie, wait.”

She stopped.

”Did you want to stay?”

She paused, shrugged, nodded to the cart. ”Work.”

I needed an answer. Silently asking her for forgiveness, I said, ”please. If you’re satisfied with this, tell me?”

She paused, and much as I’d seen the previous day, her rigid posture vanished. The entire room vibrated as her ongoing avalanche of a purr shook the goddamned floor. Saffron and I both lost it giggling. I managed to choke out, ”please, if you want anything more, anything at all, tell us.”

She just restored her formal posture, nodded, and left.

Saffron and I were almost too sated to do anything else after that.

Almost.

Not a goddamned dream. Zero. None. Nothing I remembered, anyway. Maybe something about big cream filled pillows shaped like bonbons. I dunno.

In Geography and Culture we learned about our ’last Atlantean City’, because of course the continent is named Atlantis. Jackville. Way, way, down south, Right at the outer base of North Atlantis’ bulging package. Get this, founded by none other than Jack, from the fairy tales and nursery rhymes. All of them. One guy. Did all that crazy fucking shit, wound up half-god, half-ghost, all fucked up, Absolute legend, Ye Olde Fucking Florida Man. Who founded the only city in the here and now’s version of fucking Florida. Because of course he did.

Had the boring nightmare again. All night long. Well, not all night. But all night after. Which kind of made me not care nearly as much about being so bored I eventually fell asleep in my dream right when I woke up in reality. Fucking messed with my head, but I got rested.

Heroic Skills Saffron and I wound up ignoring the rest of the class, because she wanted to Skill up Mana Bubble. Or should I say ’Mana Ward.’ Which she did. Because of course she did. She did that in the morning, and while she actually passed out sixteen times after finding out that I could not only wake her all the way back up with Stabilize, but also refill her goddamned Mana tank, she made Doc Roberts shit a brick sideways by Skilling up fucking Mana Blade, before he’d even figured out how to cast it. Because, to quote that poet again, ’My chick bad, badder than yours, my chick do things your chick wish she could’.

Of course, between popping off Stabilize so many times I lost count, and yes I was trying to keep track, but we all know I’m too stupid to count two things at once, and Marie paying us a visit with her Bath cart and complete lack of anything resembling inhibitions, I was completely ready for night night when Saffron and I finally decided to get some sleep.

Then something snapped into place with the same clarity of my triangle metaphor as I lay there floating, waiting for dream time.

”Holy shit.”

”Whass’t?”

”I’m in two different relationships, and I’m the Bitch in both of them.”

That grin spread across Saffron’s face with all the mercy, heat, and inevitability of an advancing wall of lava, and she murmured, ”only in bed and bath, Goofus Supremus. Beyond that, we are your boon companion and faithful servant. Now,” she oozed over me, and I realized I might well be going to Remedial Celtic with no sleep or fucks to give when she growled, ”Say. My. Name.”

Correction. Lots of fucks. Lots of fucks to give. Much fucks. Very sex. So Orgasm. Wow.