Bleach: Stirring Up a Storm

What it meant to have strength but be unable to use it—that was exactly Kōe’s current state. Sometimes, telling someone to get lost was an act of sheer helplessness.

”What are you still standing there for, Grimmjow? Mr. Chōzuka is letting us leave,” Ichimaru Gin called out to Grimmjow, then nodded and said, ”We will take our leave for now, Mr. Chōzuka.”

”Tch!” Grimmjow glanced at Ichigo. As he walked past Kōe, he couldn’t hold back anymore and muttered in a low voice, ”How much longer can you protect that piece of trash? Once you all fall, he won’t have this kind of luck again.”

”Then we’ll just protect him until we fall. Besides, Ichigo isn’t a piece of trash.”

Kōe turned his head, seemingly talking to himself. ”He’s only seventeen. Whether it’s confusion or self-blame, it’s all permissible. But it can’t last too long, and it won’t last too long.”

”He will walk out of this predicament on his own and defeat you with his own strength.” As Kōe spoke, he suddenly patted Grimmjow on the shoulder and smiled. ”How about I protect you next time if you lose? Once for each of you. That way, I won’t be interfering with your fair duel with Ichigo.”

”What... what nonsense are you spouting?!” Grimmjow slapped Kōe’s hand away, looking somewhat flustered. No one had ever said something like that to him, especially not a Shinigami.

”I don’t need anyone’s protection! Tell that guy I’ll definitely kill him next time! And you too—I’ll kill you right along with him!”

It sounded a bit like boasting, but for Grimmjow, perhaps it wasn’t. Kōe knew he truly meant it. Watching the Arrancar’s retreating back, he actually found himself hoping that those words would come true.

One Garganta after another sealed shut. Whether it was Yoruichi, Urahara, or Hirako and the others hiding in an abandoned warehouse, everyone couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. If either side had shown even the slightest sign of making a move just now, Karakura Town would likely have been reduced to ruins by this moment.

”Hey, Dead-Fish Eyes, is everything alright on your end?”

”It’s fine, it’s just...” Kōe looked at the unconscious Renji and Rukia lying on the ground. ”I have two people to bring back. Care to lend a hand?”

”Carry them yourself!”

”That whole saying about ’a husband carrying a thousand pounds while his wife takes five hundred’ is a total scam, sigh.” Kōe dragged Renji by the hand and hoisted the heavily bleeding Rukia onto his shoulder. He then called out to Ichigo, ”You come along too. With Urahara’s hot springs, your injuries will heal in no time.”

”Mr. Chōzuka...” Ichigo’s eyelids drooped slightly, as if he didn’t dare to look at Kōe. ”I’m... I’m sorry.”

”What are you apologizing for?”

”It’s all because of me. I made you all hold back. It’s all my fault.” Ichigo sat on his knees, muttering to himself in dejection. ”I can’t protect anyone. Aside from being a burden, I’m completely useless. I lost. No, it was a crushing defeat...”

”Yes, it was a crushing defeat.” Kōe interrupted Ichigo, continuing, ”Your comrades were injured, and the enemy retreated safely. If that isn’t a crushing defeat, what is?”

”But it’s also just a single failure. It’s in the past now. Both you and this red-haired idiot are very lucky. You’re still alive, so this is merely a painful lesson, a piece of history you’d rather not look back on. So, raise your head, Ichigo!”

Kōe’s reprimand only made Ichigo lower his head further. However, a foot forced his chin up. ”Come on, look at this red-haired idiot. He’s still alive right now. Do you think this outcome is terrible? Tell me, Ichigo!”

”No...”

”And Rukia. Do you think the fact that she’s still alive is a terrible outcome?”

”No, no... but it’s not good either.”

Kōe unceremoniously kicked Ichigo to the ground. ”If you feel like you’re a failure right now, then this mediocre outcome is something you should be celebrating! Failure might be hard to accept, but what’s truly despair-inducing is not even having the chance to fail!”

”Try being despicable, or try using others. Even if you feel like you can’t get any stronger, if you hate your failing self enough, then find a way to change! Don’t let the images of your defeat fill your entire brain! That will only lead to failure after failure, until the very last time, when you’ve wasted every single opportunity you had!”

Ichigo lay on the ground, panting heavily. Kōe’s words seemed to have vacuumed the air around him, making it hard to breathe.

”Besides, attributing the safety of others to your own success or failure—aren’t you taking yourself a bit too seriously, kid?” Kōe said dismissively. ”My subordinates aren’t useless trash waiting to be protected. They all have the resolve to take responsibility for their own lives and deaths! They don’t need you to fight in their place, and the World of the Living won’t be affected by having one more ordinary human around.”

”Wallow in the past for as long as you like; we won’t be keeping you company. But next time, if possible, could you please step back and leave the enemy to us, Kurosaki?”

That was the last thing Kōe said to Ichigo, and it was also the final blade that pierced through Ichigo’s heart. He didn’t want to show off; he just wanted to do his part for his comrades. It was that simple.

But he just couldn’t do his part. He knew that right now, he wasn’t just a burden and a drag—he was more likely a double-edged sword that could hurt his own friends.

”There’s a monster inside my body, did you know that, Mr. Chōzuka?” Ichigo seemed unaware that Kōe had already left, shouting continuously all by himself. ”I don’t dare let him out, and I can’t control his urge to burst out either. Did you know that, Mr. Chōzuka?”

*I know,* Kōe thought, hiding behind a nearby house. Being used as a hostage almost twice was simply too hard for Ichigo to accept. Moreover, the boy had his own unspoken difficulties. Having undergone Hollowfication since birth, this inexplicable agony wasn’t something easily endured.

Ichigo desperately needed an outlet to vent. Kōe also wanted him to understand that he didn’t need to blame himself for his current weakness, nor did he need to carry everything on his own shoulders. Rukia, Chad, and everyone else he knew didn’t want to become his burden.

*Take a good look at yourself, Ichigo. You do have insurmountable difficulties, and that is nothing to be ashamed of,* Kōe silently mused. *As for whether you ultimately overcome them or run away, you are brave either way.*

”What am I supposed to do about that monster? What do I do?” Ichigo’s eyes were unfocused as he muttered to himself. ”Can you teach me what to do, Mr. Chōzuka?”

*I can! Oh wait, no, Urahara can!* Kōe almost dashed out right then and there. He could drop all this nonsense about ’appropriate sense of urgency.’ So what if the results were a bit subpar? He still had follow-up plans to make up for it!

Ichigo’s current state was far too delicate. A razor’s edge between heaven and the abyss. He had to pull him back immediately!

However, without needing to be pulled, Ichigo suddenly sat up, casually patted the dust off his clothes, and staggered off in the direction of his own home.

*Utter despair?* It didn’t quite look like it. Kōe peeked at him. Ichigo’s head was held high; this couldn’t be considered being down and out.

But it didn’t look like he had pulled himself together either. His eyes were far too calm.

*Could he still be teetering on that razor’s edge between heaven and the abyss?* Kōe felt a bit uncertain and conflicted. *Should I pull him back or not?*