You Promised to Be an Idle Son-in-Law, How Could You Become a Land Immortal?

Chapter 2: Chapter 2: Husband, It’s Time to Consummate the Marriage

What was the price for a minor display of talent?

The number of Armored Warriors standing guard outside his chambers had doubled, from two to four.

Inside, Xiaodie was to keep him company around the clock—euphemistically referred to as ”surveillance.”

She was a true master of ”surveillance.”

However, Chen Yi didn’t utter a single word of protest. In fact, he welcomed it with open arms.

After all, being confined alone was like being banished to a forgotten corner of the palace. With two people, it was more like huddling together for warmth.

And having four Armored Warriors on guard meant the Xiao Family considered him important. They were protecting him.

What a joke. He couldn’t even defeat one of them, so what was the point of four?

Just then, Xiaodie was flipping over the bedding and lifting the legs of the table. She asked quizzically, ”Young Master, where did you hide that seditious poem?”

’Seditious poem?’

’Just like you, Miss Xiaodie, a master of the in-your-face surveillance Skill.’

’That word... In another era, it would be enough to get you imprisoned for life, awaiting execution. With bad luck, your entire clan could be wiped out.’

Chen Yi continued copying the Xiao Clan’s family rules, his expression deadpan. ”Xiaodie, is it at all possible that I never wrote that poem?”

”Impossible!”

Xiaodie might have been naive, but she had a sharp mind—and an exceptional memory.

In the span of a few breaths, she rattled off the entire *Shu State Ode: Marrying into the Xiao Sect* without a single mistake.

Her enunciation was crisp, her voice clear and bright. A master of crosstalk would have kowtowed and begged to become her disciple upon hearing it.

After she finished, Chen Yi turned the accusation back on her. ”You have a talent for poetry, but you’re still a ways off from my level.”

Xiaodie grew flustered. ”Hey, Young Master! It was clearly you, not me.”

”The poem is even titled *Entering the Xiao Sect as a Son-in-Law*!”

Chen Yi rolled his eyes. ’You really know how to get to the heart of the matter, Miss Xiaodie.’

Seeing his silence, Xiaodie put her hands on her hips as if she’d won a great victory. Her small face was taut with seriousness. ”Young Master, as long as I’m watching, don’t even think about escaping.”

”Alright, alright, I won’t run...”

For the time being, Chen Yi had no plans to run, especially not after learning that someone wanted to harm him.

Even if he were to escape, he’d wait until he had some means of self-preservation.

Besides, over this period, he’d found that staying in the Marquis’s Mansion wasn’t so bad.

He was a feeble scholar, unable to lift heavy objects or carry heavy loads. He was never asked to do manual labor, and on top of that, he was fed, clothed, and waited on. For someone like him who’d been a corporate drone for years, it was a dream life.

If his confinement were lifted and he could just continue being an idle, live-in son-in-law—drinking tea, fishing, and living a life of leisure—there really wasn’t anything wrong with that, when he thought about it.

”Young Master, are you thinking about escaping again?” Seeing him chuckling to himself, Xiaodie’s vigilance shot to its maximum.

Chen Yi reined in his thoughts. He set aside a finished page of the family rules and said without looking up,

”I was just wondering if the chef will make beef again tonight. A certain little piggy ate the entire pot at noon.”

Xiaodie’s expression froze for a moment before she lowered her head shyly, fidgeting. ”Young Master, I’m not a little piggy...”

’I just have a big appetite, that’s all.’

’But it’s not my fault. If anyone’s to blame... it’s the Young Master.’

’That’s right! It’s all the Young Master’s fault!’

’Who told him to keep trying to escape, making me run back and forth from the Spring Lotus Garden to the neighboring Jiaxing Garden to find the Eldest Miss?’

’I ran back and forth so many times.’

’I used up all my energy, so of course I had to eat more.’

Chen Yi finished another page, picked up a fresh sheet of Yunsong Paper, and said teasingly, ”Miss Zhu Xiaodie, you’d better not be.”

”Hey, Young Master! Don’t just make up names for me, it sounds awful...”

After spending the last few days with her, Chen Yi had long since figured out Xiaodie’s foodie nature.

If he hadn’t bribed her with food, he figured she’d still be nagging him all day, just like when he first arrived.

She’d complained that his attempt to flee the wedding had brought suffering to the Second Miss and the Xiao Family, and had even caused Elder Master Xiao to fall gravely ill. She said the news had spread throughout the Great Wei’s Nine State and Three Prefectures, and that even the children had a new nursery rhyme about it.

Something about ”the Jinghong maiden and the runaway groom,” how their ”perfect match was just a dream,” and how the ”Xiao Mansion was now a laughingstock.”

’I wonder who the talented poet was.’

After a bit more banter, Chen Yi noticed Xiaodie had gone quiet. He looked up and couldn’t help but chuckle.

She was sitting on a small stool with her knees together, her elbows propped on them and her chin cupped in her hands, already fast asleep.

Her eyes were half-closed, a trickle of drool escaping the corner of her mouth. Her head bobbed every so often. It was actually kind of cute.

’This girl, Xiaodie, has a great personality. Simple-minded, not a bad bone in her body. If she were my wife, life would certainly be interesting.’

In truth, Chen Yi was quite grateful to Xiaodie.

If she hadn’t been there to talk with him these past few days, he wouldn’t have adjusted to this world so quickly.

He might have even come to believe that everyone in the Marquis’s Mansion was cold and unfeeling.

But in reality, most of them were decent.

He could tell as much just from looking at Xiaodie. If the family rules were overly strict, or if the masters of the house were cruel and vicious, she never would have been allowed to develop such a naive and good-natured personality.

But while the people of the Xiao Mansion were decent, the family itself was long past its prime. In fact, it was heading downhill, one step at a time.

Elder Master Xiao was getting on in years. Decades of guarding the borders and fighting campaigns had riddled his body with injuries; otherwise, he wouldn’t have collapsed just from the news of Chen Yi’s attempted escape.

The Old Madam had passed away before the start of the year.

As for his wife, Xiao Jinghong, her father and several of her uncles had either died or been crippled in battle. The same fate had befallen her mother and aunts.

They were like the Female Generals of the Yang Clan.

Now, all of the family’s affairs, big and small, were managed by the Eldest Miss, Xiao Wan’er, with help from a few collateral branches—such as the direct sons and grandsons of the Second Elder Master’s line.

Furthermore, the direct lineage also had a Young Master, named Xiao Wuge. He’d heard Xiao Wuge was always studying in the mansion’s school, so he was likely a well-rounded and talented scholar.

As for his wife, Xiao Jinghong, Xiaodie rarely brought her up. It was as if she was terrified of her, stammering and unable to get a word out whenever the topic arose.

’Could the rumors his predecessor heard actually be true? The gossip spreading through Jiangnan Prefecture claimed Xiao Jinghong was eight feet tall, built like an ox, with eyes like great bronze bells, and excessively hairy...’

’Probably not. It must just be malicious gossip spread by busybodies.’

’After all, with a name like Jinghong, which means ”startled swan,” she couldn’t be a total brute, could she? Even if she wasn’t as beautiful as the ”startled swan” from the classic poems, her name had to count for something, right?’

Mulling over these things, Chen Yi finished copying another set of family rules. He rubbed his aching wrist, took a sip of spring tea, and leaned back in his chair to rest.

Before long, he too began to doze off.

Spring sleepiness, autumn weariness, summer naps... it was just that time of year.

...

In a daze, Chen Yi heard someone call his name. The voice was soft and sweet, with the gentle lilt characteristic of the Jiangnan Water Village.

He smiled and opened his eyes.

There, standing by his bed, was a brawny woman who looked just like Zhang Fei. In a gruff voice, she said,

”Husband, you’re awake. It’s time for us to consummate our marriage. You must have been getting impatient, hmm?”

Chen Yi’s smile froze. He stared at her, dumbfounded, and stammered, ”Second Brother, you’ve made a mistake. I’m your sworn brother, Liu Bei.”

”Forget Liu Bei and Cao Cao! None of them are as important as our wedding night! Let’s go!”

Then she pushed Chen Yi onto the bed and began to shake him, and shake him, and shake him, and shake him...

”Young Master, wake up! It’s time for dinner.”

Chen Yi jolted awake. When he saw it was Xiaodie, he wiped the cold sweat from his forehead, still shaken.

’Gods, thank heavens it was just a dream.’

”Young Master, did you have a nightmare?” Xiaodie asked with concern.

When he nodded, Xiaodie produced a small Bell from out of nowhere.

She began to circle him, ringing the Bell as she walked.

Amid the TINKLE TINKLE of the Bell, Xiaodie chanted, ”Evil spirits, retreat! Soul, remain whole! Evil spirits, retre—”

Chen Yi found this amusing. ”Where did you learn to do that?”

’This wasn’t the kind of ritual a mere Maid would know.’

”I once saw the Old Madam do this for Young Master Wuge to drive away his nightmares and evil spirits.”

Xiaodie stopped, her smile returning. ”Young Master, it’s very effective! Young Master Wuge never had another nightmare after she did that.”

”Let’s hope so...”

Chen Yi thought back to his nightmare, and goosebumps erupted all over his skin.

He couldn’t help but ask, ”Xiaodie, answer me honestly. Is my wife... I mean, the Second Miss... is she beautiful?”