Marvel: A Lazy-Ass Superman

Chapter 161: Chapter 161 – The Prophecy of Madness

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”Ah, Romeo, why are you Romeo? Deny your father, abandon your name! Or, if you will not, then swear to be my love, and I shall no longer be a Capulet!

”Oh, Ju-alien, why does your profile jut out so sharply, as if hiding mandibles ready to snap? Why are your braids bound so tightly, like a Predator warrior come to Earth on trial? Why is your skin so dark—

”Ah, Romeo, should you not swear by the holy moon, that silvers the treetops with its glow?

”Oh, Ju-alien, beware the moon! It waxes and wanes, and so too might your heart change with every phase. This bud of love, lit by a cruel rainbow, turns tonight’s meeting into a trial of blood!

”Good night, good night! Parting is such lucky sorrow; I rejoice to see tomorrow’s sun. Yet Heaven has no mercy—can it see my trembling fear?

”Ah! Here I make my eternal rest, so that your faithless heart may be freed from the river of life. Eyes, take your last sight! Arms, embrace for the final time!

”Better slain by my family’s hatred for loving you, than to live with your love and die upon the stage!”

Super Joker’s voice echoed through the cabin of the Blackbird.

He had tried, at first, to make conversation. No one wanted to respond. So, naturally, he decided to put on a one-man show.

If no one had recognized it, perhaps it would have been tolerable. Unfortunately, Selene—the sharp-featured woman with her purple buzzcut—understood every warped syllable.

”That duet from Romeo and Juliet is supposed to be one of the most romantic scenes in opera,” she said, visibly disgusted. ”What you’ve done to it is... revolting.”

”Wrong!” Super Joker shot back immediately. ”This isn’t me changing it. This is how it’s actually performed—authentic, straight from the stage!”

Selene sneered. ”What theater would be stupid enough to put on something like that?”

”Patience, patience. Let me consult the stars.” He pressed two fingers dramatically to his temple. ”Mmm... yes. As long as you live another thirty-two years, you’ll see it in London. That’s prophecy, my dear. Divine foresight! Guaranteed! And hey—if I’m wrong, I’ll buy you a watermelon.” He burst into hysterical laughter.

Selene was about to bite back when Erik’s cold glare silenced her.

”Enough,” Magneto snapped.

Even Selene knew when to shut up.

But Super Joker was undeterred. Alone again, he shifted to another number—this time a warped aria, belting out lines with absurd flourish:

”I dreamed a dream in days gone by...

When hope was high, and life worth living!

I dreamed that love would never die,

I dreamed that God would be forgiving—”

That was enough for Magneto. He wrenched a sheet of metal from the cabin wall with a flick of his hand and clamped it across Super Joker’s mouth.

”Finally,” Erik muttered.

Hank winced at the damage to the aircraft but held his tongue. The blissful silence that followed was worth it.

...For a while.

Soon, Super Joker began gesturing wildly, throwing his hands around in a pantomime of desperation. No one paid him any mind—until he unbuckled and shuffled toward the cockpit, flailing signs at Hank.

Fortunately, Hank McCoy had long since picked up sign language—useful when teaching students at the school who couldn’t speak. He frowned as he interpreted the gestures.

”What? You’re saying... you’ve talked so much you’re thirsty? You want water?”

Super Joker nodded furiously.

Hank sighed, pointing behind them. ”Emergency rations are stored under the medical cabinet. Bottled water.”

With exaggerated flair, Super Joker strutted to the back, retrieved a bottle, and unscrewed the cap. Then, inevitably, the problem became obvious: his mouth was still sealed with metal.

The others smirked, expecting him to beg Magneto for help. Instead, Super Joker simply hooked a finger under the iron muzzle and peeled it back as if it were foil.

He downed the entire bottle in one go, wiped his mouth, then calmly pressed the sheet of metal back into place.

He returned to his seat, buckled in, and immediately resumed making muffled mmph mmph mmph noises, glaring at the others like a sulky child.

Magneto stared at him in disbelief.

”...Are you serious?”

Hank set the jet to autopilot. Watching the whole scene unfold, his stomach knotted. All he wanted now was to return to the school and beg Mystique to reconsider. This lunatic is the help we brought?

By the time the Blackbird touched down in Queens, the city was alive with lights.

Hank ran through the shutdown sequence while the others practically bolted from the jet, desperate to breathe air free of their deranged passenger.

Super Joker, meanwhile, unbuckled at a leisurely pace, yanked the metal plate from his mouth, and inhaled New York’s smog with exaggerated delight. He slicked back his green hair with both hands, admiring himself in the reflection of the glass.

Even Beast felt insecure, suddenly wishing he had time to comb out his own mane.

But neither of them got the chance to step outside—Magneto and the others were already blocking the hatch.

Through the narrow gap, Super Joker spotted them first: a squad of American soldiers, fully armed and armored, surrounding the jet in a half-circle.

”Well, well, what’s this? Handing out free bullets? One for each of us, straight to the forehead? That’s awfully generous—makes me feel bad for taking advantage! Honestly, they could’ve just left the ammo on the ground and let us pick it up ourselves. No need for such hospitality.”

His manic rambling went ignored. The commanding officer raised his voice:

”Magneto! The United States government’s warrant for your arrest remains in effect. Step off that aircraft and set foot on American soil, and I will execute the order. Leave now—immediately!”

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