Flower Stealing Master

Hearing Song Qingshu’s answer, Zhou Zhiruo’s face flushed. She shot him an annoyed glare. She was no longer an innocent young girl who knew nothing of the world. Having been with him for so long, how could she not tell that he was deliberately taking advantage of them?

Zhao Min, however, remained oblivious. She answered, “Fine, let’s do as Qingshu says. Let’s have chicken.” Clever as she was, she was still an unmarried maiden of noble birth. None of her subordinates would have dared to use such vulgar slang in front of her. So she didn’t catch the double meaning.

Lan Fenghuang, watching from the side, barely suppressed a laugh. “The Princess wants to eat whose… what now?” Though she too was a sect leader, the Five Poisons Sect was a mixed bunch. She was intimately familiar with this kind of street slang.

Still completely unaware that she had been set up, Zhao Min answered reflexively, “Song Qingshu is treating, so of course we’ll eat his.”

Song Qingshu was drinking tea and nearly choked. Lan Fenghuang’s smile grew even more mischievous. “If the Princess wants to eat it, I’m sure Young Master Song would be more than happy to oblige. But I’m afraid Lady Zhou might not be willing.”

“It’s not hers to eat, so why would she mind?” Zhao Min pouted and gave a delicate snort.

Zhou Zhiruo’s face darkened. She hurriedly stopped Lan Fenghuang from continuing. “Sister Lan, you’re so wicked~”

Lan Fenghuang giggled. “I’m exactly the kind of evil heretic that you orthodox sects look down on. Being this wicked fits my identity perfectly.”

Zhao Min was no fool. She had already found everyone’s reactions a bit strange. Now, thinking it over carefully, she finally caught on. Flustered and embarrassed, she exclaimed, “You Han Chinese are each more cunning and treacherous than the last!”

Lan Fenghuang could no longer hold back and burst into laughter. “Princess, I’m not Han Chinese. I’m a Miao woman.”

Zhao Min’s face was crimson. “You’re all equally bad.”

Just then, the food they had ordered began to arrive. Seizing the opportunity, Song Qingshu interrupted, “Enough chatting. Let’s eat.”

As he spoke, he picked up a large chicken leg with his chopsticks. Before he could put it into his own bowl, both Zhou Zhiruo and Zhao Min simultaneously held out their bowls to him.

Song Qingshu’s chopsticks paused in mid-air, the chicken leg suspended. He couldn’t give it to Zhou Zhiruo, and he couldn’t give it to Zhao Min. His head ached immensely. *These two women are natural rivals. They have to compete over everything.*

Zhou Zhiruo snorted. “A husband serving food to his wife is only natural. What exactly is the Princess trying to do?”

To his surprise, Zhao Min showed no sign of being in the wrong. She raised an eyebrow and said in a coquettish voice, “As the saying goes, the guest comes from afar. How can the host eat before serving the guest? It seems this wife of yours is utterly incompetent.”

Seeing the atmosphere once again on the verge of explosion, and sensing that the glances crossing in the air might spark flames at any moment, Song Qingshu sighed inwardly. *I haven’t even begun to enjoy the bliss of having two beauties, and it’s already come to this. If they ever truly live together, they’ll tear down the entire backyard.*

His peripheral vision happened to land on Lan Fenghuang, who was watching the drama unfold with undisguised glee. Song Qingshu smoothly placed the chicken leg into her bowl. “Sect Leader Lan, you spend your days handling poisonous creatures—that must be draining. Here, eat a chicken leg to replenish your energy.” He didn’t even dare mention that Lan Fenghuang had traveled thousands of miles to bring him the antidote, since Zhao Min had also traveled thousands of miles to Lin’an to investigate his whereabouts. That would only spark another round of contention between the two women.

“Then I’ll thank the Young Master,” Lan Fenghuang said. She didn’t refuse and smoothly helped him out of his predicament.

Seeing this, Zhou Zhiruo and Zhao Min reluctantly lowered their bowls. Though both were somewhat displeased that Song Qingshu hadn’t given the chicken leg to either of them, at least he hadn’t given it to their rival. That was acceptable.

Having learned his lesson, Song Qingshu dared not pick up any more food with his chopsticks. His misfortune was that, though he was ravenously hungry, he could only stare helplessly at the feast before him.

Just as he was fretting, Zhou Zhiruo picked up a bite of food with her chopsticks and placed it in his bowl. Song Qingshu was so moved he wanted to kiss her. *My Zhiruo is so considerate.*

“What’s so great about vegetables? A man should eat meat. Here, Qingshu…” Zhao Min, unwilling to be outdone, placed the other chicken leg into his bowl.

Zhou Zhiruo’s eyebrows twitched. Suppressing her anger, she ladled a bowl of lotus seed soup and handed it to Song Qingshu. “You’ve been hungry for so long. Suddenly eating something too greasy is bad for your stomach. Qingshu, drink this soup first to warm your stomach.”

“Pfft, that’s just Han Chinese pedantry. We Mongols eat meat and drink wine with every meal. Have you ever seen any of us in poor health? We ride across the land, forcing every nation to bow in submission.” As she spoke, Zhao Min poured a cup of wine for Song Qingshu. “Brother Qingshu, wine is much better for warming the body.”

“…”

The two women went back and forth. Before long, the food in Song Qingshu’s bowl was piled up like a small mountain. Noticing Lan Fenghuang’s teasing smile from across the table, Song Qingshu thought, *I brought this upon myself. Even if I have to cry, I’ll have to eat it all.*

“Surnamed Zhao, are you deliberately trying to oppose me?” Zhou Zhiruo could no longer hold back. She slammed her hand on the table and rose abruptly.

Zhao Min, however, answered unhurriedly, “Zhou Zhiruo, you should speak with a conscience. I’m only concerned about Brother Qingshu’s health. How is that opposing you? Or do you secretly want him to be malnourished and weak? My, my…”

“He’s my husband. Why do you need to concern yourself?” Zhou Zhiruo fumed.

Zhao Min laughed coquettishly. “He’s my friend too. What’s wrong with friends caring about each other?”

“You!” Zhou Zhiruo was so angry she reached for the Heaven Sword.

“Enough, enough. This is disgraceful. Everyone in the inn is watching.” Song Qingshu had no choice but to step in as peacemaker.

The two women looked around and saw that everyone in the inn was staring at them, dumbfounded. Their faces grew hot, and they reluctantly sat back down.

“Finally, I can eat!” Song Qingshu let out a long sigh and began wolfing down his food. After a while, he had consumed most of the small mountain of food before him.

“No wasting food,” Zhou Zhiruo said with a snort.

Song Qingshu smiled wryly. “I’m already full.”

Zhou Zhiruo said flatly, “You don’t have to eat the rest, but finish what I gave you.”

“On what grounds?” Zhao Min immediately objected from the other side. “Brother Qingshu, won’t you accept my good intentions?”

“Alright, alright, stop fighting. I’ll eat, alright?” Song Qingshu quickly interrupted them and, with tears in his heart, began forcing the remaining food bit by bit into his mouth.

As he ate, Song Qingshu suddenly sensed something amiss. He looked under the table and saw that the two women’s feet had somehow become locked in fierce combat.

Though Zhou Zhiruo’s martial arts were now superior to Zhao Min’s, they were seated, and the table blocked their view of each other’s movements. They could only rely on instinct. Thus, their legs struck back and forth, each holding her own.

Just as Song Qingshu was about to intervene, one of them—he couldn’t tell who—used too much force. A kick landed on the underside of the table, shattering it into pieces. If he and Lan Fenghuang hadn’t dodged quickly, they would have been drenched in food. The other diners nearby were not so lucky. Even Zhou Zhiruo and Zhao Min, their legs entangled, couldn’t avoid the mess. They were soaked from head to toe like drowned rats.

“Damn it, what the hell? If you’re going to fight, do it at home!”

“You call yourself a man? Can’t even handle your own wife?”

“I thought these two women were beautiful, but with tempers like that, marrying them would be nothing but trouble.”

“…”

Curses erupted from all around. Faced with the anger of these ordinary people, Song Qingshu was not the type to bully the weak. Moreover, his side was clearly in the wrong. He could only apologize profusely and pay for everyone’s food and wine before the crowd’s fury subsided.

Zhou Zhiruo and Zhao Min had lost all interest in continuing their argument. Both women were fastidious about cleanliness. Having so much leftover food and drink all over their bodies nearly drove them mad. They immediately ordered the innkeeper to prepare hot water and went upstairs to their rooms to bathe and change clothes.

Unfortunately, in this rustic inn, only one room was equipped with a bathtub. One person would have to bathe first, with the others waiting for the second round.

Both Zhao Min and Zhou Zhiruo were particular about cleanliness. Neither wanted to wait around with food stains all over their clothes. They argued for half the day over who should go first, neither willing to yield. Finally, with Lan Fenghuang’s mediation, they agreed to bathe together.

Zhou Zhiruo found the thought of bathing with Zhao Min extremely awkward. In the end, she invited Lan Fenghuang to join them to ease the awkwardness. Lan Fenghuang, having traveled all day, was also feeling uncomfortable. She had wanted to bathe as well, but with Zhao Min and Zhou Zhiruo arguing so fiercely, she hadn’t dared to bring it up. Now, receiving Zhou Zhiruo’s invitation, she was overjoyed and readily agreed.

Watching the three women rush excitedly into the room, Song Qingshu couldn’t help but conjure some rather steamy images in his mind. His nose felt hot. He quickly shook his head to dispel the thoughts. *If I get a nosebleed, I’ll look like a fool.*

“Qingshu…” The door suddenly opened. Zhou Zhiruo poked her head out and beckoned to him.

Song Qingshu’s heart leaped with joy. *Are they inviting me to join them?* He thought to himself, *How could I possibly…*

“Stand guard outside and don’t let anyone near our room.” Zhou Zhiruo’s next words snapped Song Qingshu back to reality. It turned out that the three women, bathing together, were worried about the security of this run-down inn in such a backwater town. If someone tried to peep, they would be at a great loss. Song Qingshu, with his high martial arts and their trust and intimacy, was the perfect guardian.

“Alright. Don’t worry.” Song Qingshu chuckled dryly, chiding himself for his wishful thinking. *This isn’t a Japanese film. Why would things go in that direction?*

After Zhou Zhiruo returned to the room, she and Zhao Min looked at each other. The atmosphere was unbearably awkward. Neither was willing to undress first. Lan Fenghuang, however, was more at ease. “Since neither of you is moving, I’ll go in first.” With an enchanting smile, she removed her clothes and stepped into the bathtub.

Zhou Zhiruo and Zhao Min, unable to tolerate the smell on their bodies any longer, also removed their clothes and entered the bathtub.

Lan Fenghuang’s eyes lit up. “My, my. One of you is like a jade Guanyin, exquisitely translucent. The other is like an orchid, elegant and delicate. Looking at you makes me feel utterly inferior.”

Zhao Min, naturally outgoing and bold, had quickly adapted after the initial awkwardness. She reached out and poked Lan Fenghuang’s mounds, her mouth gaping wide enough to fit an egg. “How can they be so… Now I’m the one feeling inferior.”

Lan Fenghuang giggled. “The Princess’s are quite substantial too.”

Listening to them flatter each other, Zhou Zhiruo’s face darkened. She regretted her decision immensely. *One of them is a cow, the other a papaya. I’ve brought this upon myself, bathing with them.*

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