Dead on Mars

Chapter 240 - Sol Three Hundred and Forty, If There’s a Next Life, Be a Salted Fish
“You are already an old dog. You need to learn how to crawl out of ditches yourself.”

Tang Yue advised gently.

The Wanderer was stuck inside a ditch and it seemed unmoved by the advice.

Tomcat sat by the side, its chin leaning against the solar panels. It had its brows drooping as it cocked its head, watching Tang Yue’s act. It was looking at him like he was an idiot.

“It’s like I’m playing the lute to a cow.”

Tang Yue sighed and sat back down.

“If Tripiṭaka didn’t have his White Dragon Horse, do you think he could’ve journeyed all the way to the West to acquire the scriptures?” Tang Yue picked up a rock and threw it on the wheel. “18,000 li. That’s 54,000 kilometers. That’s 14,000 kilometers more than the equatorial circumference of the Earth… The White Dragon Horse really lived up to being the son of the Dragon King. He sure was good in the water. It wasn’t even a problem for him to cross the Pacific Ocean.”

“How do you plan on pushing it out of the ditch?”

“Eh… Let’s leave it for eight hours. Tomorrow morning will do. After all, we can’t leave while charging. We might as well rest,” Tang Yue replied. “Today is another darn gloomy day. The sunlight is so weak. Who knows when the batteries can be fully recharged.”

The Mars Wanderer had once again fallen into a ditch. Tang Yue had finally experienced for himself how difficult it was to go cross-country without any roads. On Earth, where highways were everywhere, Tang Yue could drive five thousand kilometers from Heihe to Mêdog without his wheels getting any mud on them. This gave him the false impression that this long-distance trip was a road trip.

But Mars was a primitive planet. It had never had any development. When both of Tang Yue’s buttocks ached from the vibrations, he realized that cars were transportation tools designed for roads. If they steered away from the flat, smooth roads, there was a 99% chance that the car would succumb to the wilderness.

The Isidis Planitia didn’t have many undulations. Most of the time, it was a flat plane, but the long-distance travel across the desert was shockingly damaging to the Wanderer’s structure. Tang Yue also understood the well-meaning purpose of why the designers had limited the Mars Wanderer’s speed to 30 km/h. Earthlings definitely had the ability to allow the Wanderer to reach 60 km/h or even 120 km/h. But going that fast on Mars would quickly cause it to break down.

Tang Yue and Tomcat had tried pushing the vehicle, but the Wanderer remained motionless.

Helpless, they decided to take a break and do some charging.

They decided to push the Mars Wanderer again when they were fully recharged.

Tomcat slid down a solar panel and finally plopped onto the ground gently like a dead, salted fish.

“What’s the meaning of a cat’s life?

“The meaning of a cat’s life is salted fish.”

Tomcat posed and answered its own questions.

Tang Yue and Tomcat finally felt frustrated at the boring and mundane journey that seemed to take forever. There was really nothing worth mentioning about things they saw and heard along the way. The Mars Wanderer limited them to about thirty kilometers a sol, and the rest of the time was spent waiting. They were finally sick of all the songs they could sing and done with all the nonsense they could talk about—from the origins of the Universe to Earth’s doomsday. Tang Yue had even flipped through all of Old Zheng’s hardcore collection. Finally, even a crosstalk master like Tomcat could no longer find any topics to talk about.

Tang Yue felt that he and Tomcat were like two salted fish flipping on the ground as they approached their destination.

“What’s so bad about salted fish?” Tomcat asked. “The Universe is the best at being a salted fish. 99% of its lifespan, it’s like a stiff, dead salted fish.”

“It’s obviously good being salted fish. My dream in life is to be one. Unfortunately, the stress of life makes it impossible. Salted fish in this world are like winners in life, born with a silver spoon.” Tang Yue rolled to his side. Since he was a salted fish, he might as well flip around often, to have his body have a uniform smell from sun-drying.

“If there’s a next life,

“Be a salted fish.

“Soaked in salt,

“No tears as you wish.

“Half of it suffocatingly salted,

“Half of it tasteless.

“Half used for soup,

“Half used for roasting.

“Extreme craziness, extreme serenity,

“Never frustrated, never troubled.”

“I advise against you rolling on the ground. The sand and gravel are sharp. They could easily damage the Radiant Armor,” Tomcat warned. “If you damage the air seal and cause a leak, you’re doomed.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Tang Yue shook his head. “The Radiant Armor is made of very strong material. Even a knife can’t cut through it.”

“You’ve tried?”

“I tried it on Earth,” Tang Yue replied. “I have a deep impression of it because the instructor at the Center told us that it’s as hard as bulletproof vests. Ordinary knives can’t cut through it. He even said that we could try if we were skeptical about it. I was the only one present who really tried… Later, the instructor told us that the Radiant Armor is probably the most expensive piece of clothing that we’ll ever wear. Each suit cost 15 million yuan, almost equivalent to a house in Beijing.”

“Do you know something?” Tang Yue pressed his thumb and index finger together and slowly opened up a gap. “I was this short of dying on the spot.”

Tomcat lay prone on the ground and moved forward with its body arched.

“Tomcat, what are you doing?”

“I’m not a cat,” Tomcat replied dully. It arched its body and stretched out forward. Magically, its body extended several times its length. “I’m a peppered moth.”

“Peppered Moth, what are you doing?”

“A peppered moth doesn’t speak,” Tomcat muttered. “Peppered moth wants to go home.”

Tang Yue looked at Tomcat squirming on the ground as it advanced forward with its body arched.

He shook his head and stepped on the charging cable on the ground, causing it to become taut.

As a result, Tomcat plunged its head into the soil.

“Meowtherf*cker!”

It was so exasperated that it had even used its mother tongue.

Tang Yue got up and walked over, hugging the furry cat by its waist. As Tomcat helplessly flailed its short hind legs in midair, it exclaimed, “Eh… What are you doing? Tang Yue, what are you doing? Put me down! Hear me? Put me down!”

Tang Yue carried Tomcat back and lifted it high, stuffing it into the Wander’s driving compartment. Panting, he said, “Do you think I wanted to carry you? You’re heavy! Are you a cat or a pig? Even a pig isn’t as heavy as you…”

Following that, he plugged the charging cable into Tomcat.

“When we arrive at the destination, you can return home.” Tang Yue patted Tomcat on the head and turned back towards the nearby solar panels. “Another three sols at most. You will be able to return in three sols. There’s no rush… Even if no one knows what’s waiting for us in three sols, I believe that it’s unlikely to be something bad. After all, we can’t get any unluckier.”

“Home won’t be there in three sols,” Tomcat said.

“Why?” Tang Yue turned his head and smiled at it. “Kunlun Station doesn’t have legs to run away. No matter when you return, it will be there.”

Tomcat plastered its face onto the steering wheel and looked at Tang Yue’s back.

“But home is where you are.”