Immortal Paladin

”Tian Mei,” the girl said, her voice small but determined.

I nodded and stepped aside, gesturing for her to come in. She hesitated at the threshold for a moment before scurrying inside like a mouse seeking shelter from the rain.

With a flick of my wrist, I swiped the Go board back into my Item Box, the pieces and board vanishing in the blink of an eye. In its place, I summoned my tea set, the familiar clink of porcelain soothing some of the awkwardness hanging in the air.

”Would you like milk or tea?” I asked, keeping my voice casual.

Tian Mei fidgeted, eyes darting between the table and the door, before whispering, ”Tea, please.”

According to my Divine Sense, she was lying through her teeth.

I smiled faintly and summoned a pitcher filled with fresh milk instead. It was mortal milk… not some grand spiritual beast’s essence or heavenly nectar… but it would do. She didn’t have a thread of cultivation in her, not even the basics like Martial Tempering or the opening of her meridians. Mortal milk would suit her just fine.

She pouted when she saw me pour milk into her cup while pouring a steaming brew of tea for myself.

”There’s no need to pretend to be an adult,” I said lightly, pushing the milk toward her. ”You can act your age around me.”

Her cheeks turned red again, but she took the cup with both hands, cradling it like it was some precious treasure. I studied her a little closer as I sipped my tea.

Judging by her clothes… expensive fabrics, intricate embroidery, and subtle stitching patterns… I could tell she was definitely rich and influential. Not the daughter of a merchant, though. There was no heavy scent of exotic perfumes that merchants often used to advertise their wealth. Instead, she carried something subtler, something heavier: a blessing.

A protective qi enveloped her, almost like a soft, invisible shield. It wasn’t armor or a direct buff… it was more like a divine signature left by someone powerful to watch over her.

I took another slow sip, letting the tea’s warmth ground me, then set the cup down with a soft clink.

”So,” I said, my gaze steady, ”what’s the problem? And how can I help?”

Tian Mei looked ready to explode from nerves, clutching her cup so tightly that I worried she might crack it.

Before she could speak, I raised a hand.

”And before you say anything,” I added, tone dry, ”marrying me is not an option. You’re far too young for me.”

Her lips pulled into a frown, and she huffed, crossing her arms with all the defiance of a child denied candy.

”How young do you want it to be then?” she muttered bitterly. ”A fetus still in the womb?”

If I hadn’t been a noob in making people do a spit-take, or if I hadn’t already experienced emotional face-slaps a dozen times over… I would have choked on my tea right then and there.

I coughed lightly into my sleeve, hiding the twitch at the corner of my mouth.

Tian Mei’s cheeks stayed puffed up with indignation for a moment before she seemed to remember why she was here. She lowered her head, fiddling with the hem of her sleeve.

”I… I actually came because I saw your painting,” she said, voice trembling slightly. ”It was… it was very beautiful.”

“You know that’s a big fat lie, right?”

No way she could have seen what I was painting with the door closed…

I leaned back in my chair, tilting my head slightly, watching her closely. Her words were sweet, but there was something off. Half-truths carried a certain texture in the air, and my instincts… picked up the scent immediately.

”Is that it?” I asked calmly, taking another sip of tea. My gaze didn’t waver from her.

Under the pressure of my stare, Tian Mei wilted like a flower caught in a sudden frost. Her fingers tightened around her cup until I heard the faintest crack of porcelain. Oh, come on… That was my favorite teaset gifted to me by a nice grandma…

”I…” she broke off, biting her lower lip. Her shoulders trembled slightly, and when she finally spoke again, her voice was raw with emotion. ”I’m a disgrace. My grandmother says so. She hates me.”

The words came out in a broken whisper, and for a moment, she couldn’t even meet my eyes.

I sat up straighter, setting my cup down.

Grandmother, huh?

”You’re from the Heavenly Temple delegation, aren’t you?” I asked, keeping my voice neutral. “Just a wild guess…” In fact, it wasn’t. The characters for Heavenly Temple were stitched in her neckline, though it was small.

Her head snapped up in surprise, and after a long moment, she gave a tiny nod.

I rubbed my chin thoughtfully. Heavenly Temple… No wonder she had a blessing around her. The so-called ”blessing” was probably some sort of divine inheritance or protection from a higher realm cultivator tied to their sect.

”And why exactly are you a disgrace?” I asked, genuinely curious.

She looked at me like I had asked her why water was wet.

”Don’t you see?” Tian Mei whispered, her envy bleeding into every syllable. ”I’m normal.”

I blinked, honestly confused.

”Normal? What’s wrong with being normal?” I asked.

Her hands curled into fists on her lap. Her face twisted with something ugly… jealousy, frustration, and years of bottled-up inadequacy.

”But you,” she hissed, voice sharp and trembling, ”even being so young, you’re already at the Will Reinforcement Realm. Word of your prowess… your genius… It’s already spread through the fortress. Everyone says you’re the Emperor’s hidden grandchild, or maybe even his secret lovechild from another woman.”

I stared at her, deadpan.

Wow. Just wow.

In my head, I could already picture it. Liang Na was probably working overtime somewhere, spreading ridiculous stories like some gleeful gossip grandma, stuffing the narrative down everyone’s throats. Emperor’s secret lovechild? Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic! Thanks a lot, Nongmin. Thanks a lot, Liang Na. Now I’m some royal scandal headline. 

Yeah, great work… I knew this was coming, but it still came as a surprise.

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.

”Please tell me they didn’t actually call me that out loud,” I muttered.

Tian Mei looked a little uncertain but nodded anyway.

I sipped quietly on my tea, watching Tian Mei fidget in her seat. She had barely touched her cup of milk, too busy wringing her hands and shooting nervous glances my way.

”So,” I finally said, voice calm, ”what do you want, exactly? Advice?”

She jumped to her feet so suddenly that she almost knocked the table over.

”Marry me!” she demanded, cheeks flushed, eyes blazing with determination.

I stared at her, then slowly brought my hand to my face and gave myself a good, thorough facepalm.

”Tian Mei,” I said patiently, dragging my hand down my face, ”that’s not possible.”

A part of me… some awful, chaotic part… briefly entertained the idea of revealing what I really looked like. Maybe if she saw me in my adult form, she’d realize how ridiculous this was. Unfortunately, the Chibi Perfume’s effect wasn’t something that could be waved away easily. It was sticky and persistent, like cheap glitter after a birthday party. I could probably break it if I pulled out a trump card like Judgment Severance... but was it really worth wasting a high-grade purification ability on something so stupid?

‘No,’ I decided, ‘definitely not. Nongmin did warn me we were expecting a fight soon. Better save my strength.’

I put my teacup down gently and gave Tian Mei my best imitation of a kind, patient elder.

”Listen carefully,” I said. ”We can’t get married. It’s not about you, it’s about me. I’m a bad man.” I gestured vaguely. ”A womanizer. My heart’s already reserved for someone else.”

Yeah… so convincing… A ten-year-old womanizer… It wasn’t technically a lie. Not exactly accurate either, but who cared? If this could get me out of this without crushing her spirit too badly, it was worth it.

Tian Mei, however, was not the kind to give up so easily.

She crossed her arms and huffed. ”So what? You’re going to be Emperor someday anyway! It’s fine for you to have a harem!” she argued fiercely, her cheeks puffed up in outrage. ”I don’t mind just being a concubine! But you must let me approve the women you pick before you bring them in!”

I stared at her, feeling my last threads of patience fraying.

‘This is a child,’ I reminded myself firmly. ‘A child, Da Wei. Calm down. You’ll eventually find the way… hah~ who am I kidding?’

Taking a deep breath, I decided to pull a Ren Xun… channel that sweet, flowery nonsense he used to charm girls into forgetting their complaints, or so what I’ve heard from his tales.

”My womanizing days are over,” I said solemnly, pressing a hand dramatically over my heart. ”I’m a changed man. Because…” I softened my voice, letting the words flow slowly and deliberately, ”I’ve dedicated my entire heart to another woman. No other could ever take her place.”

I delivered the line with as much poetic romance as I could muster, half expecting Tian Mei to burst into giggles.

Instead, her eyes grew wide and sparkly, her little hands clutched at her chest as if physically holding in the awe. She was practically swooning.

Goddamn, I’m good.

But just when I thought she was about to sigh dreamily and give up, Tian Mei’s face hardened. She narrowed her eyes at me like a suspicious little detective.

”You’re lying,” she accused, voice sharp. ”You’re just saying that to get me out of your hair! If you really love someone, tell me who she is!”

My lips twitched.

‘Persistent little gremlin, aren’t you?’

I steepled my fingers together and rested my elbows on the table, giving her a long, thoughtful look. I wasn’t sure if I was impressed or exhausted. Maybe both.

”You really won’t let this go, huh?” I said, half-amused, half-exasperated.

I leaned back slightly in my chair, watching Tian Mei’s small, stubborn figure glare at me, waiting for an answer. I could have lied… made up some beautiful fictional woman to throw her off. But instead, my mind, unbidden, drifted toward someone real.

Xin Yune.

A soft smile tugged at my lips before I could stop it.

Lying hadn’t been my specialty, so I might as well throw a bit of truth to it…

”There was someone,” I said, voice gentle. I wrapped my hands around my teacup, letting the warmth seep into my palms. ”Someone whose honesty was like a spring breeze. She didn’t hide behind flowery words or false pretenses. She laughed without reservation, and when she did, it was like the whole world felt a little less heavy.”

Tian Mei’s expression shifted as I spoke. First curious, then a bit suspicious, and finally… furious. I ignored her. This girl sure had a whole lot of range when it comes to emotions. I think she might even got me beat.

I kept talking because once I started, the memories flowed too easily.

”With her, I could just be me. Not a savior. Not a monster. Not a tool. Just… myself.” My fingers tightened slightly around the cup. ”There was no weight, no judgment, and no endless expectations pressing down on my shoulders. Just... comfort.”

I trailed off, realizing the air around Tian Mei was practically vibrating now. Her little fists were clenched so tightly her knuckles had turned white. Her cheeks were puffed out in outrage, and I was pretty sure she was on the brink of throwing an honest-to-goodness tantrum right here in my sitting room.

I cleared my throat and set the tea down before she could actually flip the table.

She jabbed a finger at me, practically hissing. ”Does this person have a name?!”

I looked at her, at those accusing eyes that had no idea what kind of pain she was poking at, and nodded slowly.

”Xin Yune,” I said simply.

For a moment, there was silence.

Then Tian Mei drew herself up to her full height, stuck out her chest, and declared loudly, ”Then Xin Yune will be my rival! I will prove myself to be a better woman than her! You’ll see!”

I blinked, not sure where I should start processing the ridiculousness first.

The fact that this twelve-year-old girl had just declared the Emperor’s mother, whom she thought was merely my ‘beloved woman’, as her romantic rival…

Or the fact that Xin Yune was dead.

And Tian Mei was now competing against a dead person!

I rubbed my temples, feeling the beginnings of a massive headache forming.

‘Tian Mei,’ I thought bleakly, ‘you might be fighting a losing battle here for more reasons than you understand.’

Still, what could I even say? Break her spirit outright? Tell her she was making a fool of herself? No. I didn’t have the heart to be cruel, not to a kid who was already trying so hard just to feel like she mattered to someone.

So instead, I just sighed and refilled her milk.

”You’ll need to work really hard then,” I said solemnly, like I was imparting grave wisdom, ”because Xin Yune… was a very remarkable woman.”

Tian Mei’s eyes lit up with a fierce determination that made me feel guilty and amused all at once.

Great. Just great. Now I’ve accidentally given her a lifelong mission.

I sipped my tea and mentally cursed Nongmin again.

Just as I was pouring another cup of tea, the door creaked open without so much as a knock.

An old woman stepped inside with unhurried grace, her white hair tied neatly behind her head. There were faint wrinkles lining her face, not deep enough to steal her beauty but enough to lend her an air of lived wisdom. She wore simple but immaculately maintained robes, and the gentle hum of spiritual energy wrapped around her like a second skin, giving off a calming, almost maternal aura.

The moment Tian Mei caught sight of her, her eyes widened with a glimmer of hope before immediately clouding over with worry.

“Grandmother,” Tian Mei murmured, voice small.

Ah. So that’s the heavyweight.

The old woman didn’t even look at Tian Mei first. No, her gaze zeroed in straight at me, those sharp old eyes narrowing like she was sizing up an insect stuck to her sandals.

And then she spoke.

“How dare you trick my granddaughter and play with her heart?”

I blinked, utterly blindsided. ”What now?”

She wasn’t finished. She took a step forward, hands folded calmly behind her back, but her words carried the force of a guillotine.

”Xin Yune used to be my disciple,” she said, her voice as cool and soft as falling snow. ”She is many, many years older than you, both in mind and in body… I must say, you have a very questionable education if your type of woman is like that with years so far apart... It is scandalous!”

I opened my mouth to defend myself, but my brain utterly failed me. I sputtered, then stammered, and against every ounce of dignity left in my body, I blurted…

“What’s wrong with liking ‘em big?!”

The words echoed in the room with the weight of a dying god.

I froze.

Tian Mei froze.

The old woman definitely froze.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I felt my soul trying to eject itself from my body in pure embarrassment.

Why, I bemoaned inwardly, why is it that even with my cultivation base soaring through the heavens, with Paladin-level composure in battle, with multiple mental resistance skills stacked like armor, the mere presence of an angry grandma could still make me fumble like a freshman at a school dance?

It had to be the Earth part of me. It had to be.

There was no way my magical body was this weak to social pressure.

I didn’t need a NAT 20, I thought miserably. I’d be happy just by not rolling a critical fumble!

Tian Mei was staring at me now with an expression halfway between horror and awe.

Meanwhile, her grandmother gave a long, weary sigh like she had seen a thousand suns rise and fall and this was somehow still the most disappointing event of her long life.

“...I see,” she said finally, voice brittle. “Perhaps it was my mistake to let Tian Mei meet you. Foolish infatuation is better corrected early.”

Tian Mei, finally shaking herself from her stupor, grabbed her grandmother’s sleeve, panicked. “No, grandmother! He’s… he’s… he’s kind! He listened to me! He didn’t make fun of me! He poured me milk!” Her voice cracked at the end like it was the greatest testimony anyone could offer.

The old woman’s eyes softened slightly as she looked down at her granddaughter, but when she glanced back at me, it was the kind of look a farmer might give a particularly lazy cow.

I straightened my back, trying desperately to salvage whatever scraps of dignity I had left.

Clearing my throat, I said, “Look, senior. There’s been a misunderstanding. I have no intention of toying with your granddaughter. I was simply... educating her about the realities of life.” And trying to make sure I didn’t end up on a wanted list for grooming charges, I added silently.

The old woman regarded me for a long moment before her mouth twitched into what might have been the ghost of a smile… or a grimace.

“Well,” she said at last, ”perhaps there is some hope for you yet. Even if your tastes are… questionable.”

I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or offended.

Mostly relieved.

Tian Mei, meanwhile, beamed at me like I had just fought off a dragon with my bare hands.

I slumped back into my chair, exhausted. Today was not a battle of cultivation, strategy, or physical strength. Today was a battle of social endurance.

And frankly?

I was losing.

Fuck you, Nongmin.