Hogwarts: I Am Such a Model Wizard

Chapter 278: Lockhart’s Stage Play

”Well... unexpected...”

Half an hour later, Lockhart began to flip through the completed test papers. ”Iʼm glad so many of you remembered that I like lilac… but how could you forget my greatest achievement to date? Winning Witch Weekly’s Most Charming Smile Award five times! I clearly just mentioned it!” He winked at the class.

While a handful of his die-hard fans swooned, clutching their chests and gazing at him with glassy eyes, most of the students were less than impressed. Sitting in front of Kanna, Gryffindorʼs Katie Bell kept her head down, shoulders shaking as she stifled her laughter. Mikel and Ryan were also struggling not to burst out laughing.

”But…” Lockhart’s voice rose dramatically, ”Miss Mireille here knew my birthday is January 26th... splendid!” He held up one paper. ”A perfect score! Where is this exceptional young witch?”

In the front row, a trembling hand rose—it was the very student Kyle had chosen to copy from.

”Marvelous!” Lockhart praised, beaming. ”Gryffindor earns an extra 10 points!”

”However...” He frowned, pulling out two more papers. ”It seems there were two students who managed only 53 correct answers.”

Holding the papers up, he continued, ”I think it’s time for them to reread Travels with Trolls. As I clearly explained in Chapter 9, my secret ambitions are to rid the world of evil and launch my own line of Hair Care Potions—not toothpaste. Though I have to say, toothpaste is an interesting idea. Perhaps Iʼll add it to the Lockhart line.”

Under the desk, Kanna gave Kyle a small tap, clearly exasperated. Those two papers were obviously theirs. She’d originally written ”Hair Care Potions,” but seeing Kyle confidently write ”Toothpaste,” she had changed her answer.

”It just shows how easily you waver,” Kyle muttered. ”Besides, a perfect score would just make us stand out—this is good enough.”

”Now, back to business…” Lockhart put the test papers aside and picked up… a book. He seemed to have planned a surprise for his first lesson with the students, having arranged for Cornish Pixies to liven things up.

However, his attempt had backfired spectacularly with the second-year class, where the Pixies had run amok, turning the classroom upside down and even tossing Lockhart’s wand out the window. He’d spent the previous afternoon rummaging through the bushes, claiming he was helping to clear out pests.

After that disaster, Lockhart decided to avoid any elaborate tricks for this class, especially given that third-years were more challenging. Today, he was going to play it safe.

But as soon as the students saw Voyages with Vampires in his hands, they collectively groaned—even the loyal fans. The sight of the book dredged up memories of Professor Quirrellʼs “reading sessions” from last year, along with a faint whiff of garlic that seemed to linger in the air.

”By Merlin’s beard… please don’t tell me we’re reading again this year!” groaned a Gryffindor beside Kyle. Similar grumbles echoed around the room.

Lockhart quickly clarified: the good news was they wouldn’t be reading—this time, they’d be acting. Lockhart had adapted scenes from Voyages with Vampires into a play and wanted the students to perform it, convinced it would better convey his heroic feats. Unfortunately, the students found the prospect even worse than reading, but Lockhart clearly thought this would be a brilliant way to showcase his adventures.

And, naturally, he needed a star for his little production. The first person who came to mind was the most celebrated student in the class… Kyle, the recipient of the Order of Merlin, Second Class.

ʼHe would look great in the role.ʼ

ʼOh, and that second-year Harry Potter isn’t bad either,ʼ Lockhart mused to himself. And so he acted on it.

He called Kyle to the front of the class and assigned him the role of the Vampire from his book.

“Professor, may I ask you a question before we begin?” Kyle asked.

“Go ahead, ask a hundred,” Lockhart replied, adjusting his hair to resemble the hero from his book as closely as possible.

Kyle casually opened Voyages with Vampires and flipped through a few pages.

“In this scene... you repel an attacking vampire with the Lumos Solem Charm...”

“But Professor, I’m curious—what exactly does the Lumos Solem Charm do? Is it some sort of enhanced Lighting Charm?”

“That’s a special new Charm,” Lockhart said with a smile. “The Lighting Charm doesn’t shine nearly as brightly.”

For a moment, the Gryffindor students were nonchalant, but all the Hufflepuffs turned to look at Mikel, who sat in the middle of the classroom.

They still remembered the first Charms lesson two years ago when a blinding burst of light suddenly filled the room. If there really were a Lumos Solem Charm… it probably wasn’t much stronger than that incident.

But Mikel himself didn’t know; he had fainted immediately after casting the spell and hadn’t the faintest idea what had happened afterward.

At the lectern, Kyle continued, “Could you show us?”

“Er…” Lockhart hesitated, looking a bit lost for words. “Perhaps next time… This Charm isn’t exactly suited for the classroom…”

“How about this one then…” Kyle flipped a few more pages. “You used the Levitation Charm to trap the Vampire by condensing seawater. You should be able to demonstrate that.”

Lockhart was, once again, speechless.

But Kyle wasn’t finished. He kept flipping through the book, continuing with his questions:

“Also, why aren’t vampires afraid of garlic but are afraid of amulets soaked in garlic juice?”

“Why did you travel by boat instead of using Apparition?”

“And how did you manage to convince the vampire to only eat turnips?”

“Is that vampire still alive?”

“If he is, have you thought about publishing your methods? Solving their blood-drinking urges could be as monumental as solving the werewolf transformation problem during a full moon. You’d likely be awarded the Order of Merlin, First Class!”

“Oh, right…”

Kyle genuinely seemed ready to ask a hundred questions, and his rapid-fire “whys” left Lockhart reeling.

Lockhart had, after all, merely swiped the tale from an elderly wizard, throwing in a Memory Charm and a generous dose of artistic flair. He couldn’t possibly know such details.

Under the mounting curiosity of the students’ stares, Lockhart began to panic and quickly stopped Kyle’s line of questioning.

“All right, all right… just close the book.”

“I don’t mind answering these questions, but the other students still have classes to attend.”

“Consider it your homework assignment. And, of course, if you still don’t understand by the end of the year, I’ll tell you the answers.”

Lockhart smoothly sidestepped the questions, then quickly sent Kyle back to his seat and called up another, more compliant Hufflepuff student to perform in his place.

If Kyle stayed any longer, he’d surely ask more, and Lockhart couldn’t afford that.