Naruto: The Shameless Uchiha Tycoon

”Investigate Orochimaru’s operations.”

Ren tossed a thick, vacuum-sealed stack of Ryo directly onto the open ledger on Kakuzu’s desk.

Kakuzu paused his calculations, his green eyes darting to the cash before he seamlessly swept it into his cloak. ”The Sannin? He is quite elusive. He isn’t seen around the village much these days, and prying into his private affairs means deliberately bypassing village intelligence.”

”Then bypass it,” Ren said, adjusting his charcoal vest. ”Tsunade is too restricted by village ethics to synthesize the cellular cure I need, but Orochimaru has no morals. I don’t care about his official missions. I care about his side projects. Look into his private research budgets. Find his black-market suppliers. I need to know exactly where his money is going, and more importantly, if he’s running out of it.”

Kakuzu gave a single, slow nod. ”This will take time. Tracking unregistered supply chains and shaking down underground brokers is not an overnight job.”

”Take the time you need. Just find him,” Ren ordered.

Kakuzu vanished into the shadows of the study in a swirl of leaves to begin his hunt.

Later that afternoon, Ren was attempting to bury himself in a mountain of reconstruction paperwork.

It wasn’t working.

The heavy oak doors of his study swung open. Mikoto Uchiha marched in, didn’t bother saying hello, and smoothly plucked the silver pen right out of his fingers.

”Hey—” Ren protested, reaching for it.

”You’ve been staring at that same shipping manifest for three hours,” Mikoto scolded. She grabbed him by the elbow and effortlessly pulled him out of his leather chair. ”You need actual sunlight, Ren.”

”Mother, the village economy doesn’t take breaks,” Ren argued, trying to dig his heels into the carpet as she physically hauled him toward the door. ”I have logistics to approve!”

”The village will survive without your supervision for ten minutes,” Mikoto shot back, not slowing down at all as she dragged her billionaire son down the hallway.

They spilled out into the sprawling, sunlit living room.

Kushina was already there, looking completely back to her energetic, boisterous self, entirely healed thanks to her Uzumaki vitality. She was sitting on the couch with a cup of tea, and she immediately snorted with laughter at the sight of the untouchable businessman being manhandled by his mother.

In the far corner of the living room, twelve-year-old Itachi Uchiha sat in a perfect meditative lotus position on the plush rug. Baby Sasuke was resting in the crook of his right arm, and baby Naruto was cradled in his left. Itachi’s eyes were closed in absolute concentration as he flawlessly managed two baby bottles, using a minuscule, hyper-precise application of Fire Release chakra to heat the formula. He completely ignored the adults, treating the babysitting session like an S-rank escort mission.

Mikoto finally let go of Ren’s arm, gracefully taking a seat on the couch right next to Kushina.

Ren immediately retreated to the safety of the kitchen island. He cleared his throat, aggressively straightened his vest, and pulled a backup corporate ledger from a drawer, desperately trying to salvage his CEO persona.

Kushina watched him tap his pen against the marble counter, a highly amused grin spreading across her face.

”You know,” Kushina laughed, looking over at Mikoto, ”ever since I met him, he’s acted like a grumpy old man trapped in a teenager’s body. Was he always this serious?”

”He was an absolute menace,” Mikoto said smoothly, a nostalgic, highly amused glint in her dark eyes. ”Fugaku used to pull his hair out trying to deal with him. Because Ren was the clan heir, Fugaku tried to train him early. He took him down to the lake to teach him the Fireball jutsu.”

Kushina leaned in, already grinning. ”What did he do?”

”For two straight weeks,” Mikoto laughed, ”Ren deliberately fumbled his hand signs just to blow soot directly into his father’s face, whining that it was ’too hard’ and his chakra ’wouldn’t work.’ Fugaku actually thought he was a hopeless slacker. He gave up.”

Kushina snorted loudly. ”No way.”

”Oh, yes,” Mikoto nodded, taking a sip of her tea. ”Then, a week later, I caught Ren sitting on the porch, flawlessly organizing and selling the premium ninja tools Fugaku bought him to the older Uchiha kids at a two-hundred percent markup. He wasn’t untalented. He just aggressively refused to be a ninja.”

”I was securing my early retirement,” Ren muttered defensively from the kitchen island, furiously pretending to read his ledger.

”But the slacking wasn’t even the worst part,” Mikoto continued, completely ignoring him. ”The real problem was how possessive he was. He absolutely refused to let anyone else have my attention. Especially his father. Do you know how many times Fugaku and I tried to have a quiet, intimate evening to ourselves, only for Ren to suddenly develop ’night terrors’?”

Kushina’s eyes widened with pure delight. ”He didn’t.”

”It was like clockwork,” Mikoto nodded. ”The moment the bedroom door locked, Ren would start wailing from down the hall. Fugaku would get so frustrated he looked like he was about to awaken the Mangekyō right there in his pajamas.”

Ren swallowed hard, aggressively staring at the cover of his ledger. His face was starting to feel uncomfortably warm.

”The funniest part,” Mikoto said, her voice dropping into a conspiratorial whisper as she leaned toward Kushina, ”is that I used to see his little shadow in the hallway before the crying even started.”

Ren’s head snapped up.

”What?” Ren choked out.

Mikoto turned to look directly at him, a serene, devastatingly smug smile on her face.

”You thought you were so sneaky,” Mikoto laughed softly. ”But you would stand at the crack of the bedroom door, peeking in to check if Fugaku was getting too close to me. I could literally see your eyes shining in the dark. And the absolute moment things got heated—bam—cue the fake wailing and the dramatic dive into the middle of our bed.”

Ren’s mind went completely blank.

The entire time he thought he was a tactical genius, successfully cockblocking Fugaku to secure his own safety and comfort, his mother was fully aware that he was just a shameless, voyeuristic little brat faking tantrums.

”You...” Ren stammered, his cool, cynical tycoon persona entirely disintegrating. His face flushed a brilliant, furious shade of red. ”You let me do it?!”

”Of course I did,” Mikoto smiled sweetly. ”It was hilarious watching Fugaku try to reason with a toddler who was actively sabotaging his sex life. You were always a jealous, voyeuristic little tyrant, Ren.”

Kushina burst into hysterical laughter. She slapped her hand onto the leather couch, completely losing her composure.

”So the billionaire Uchiha was a peeping tom!” Kushina wheezed, wiping a tear of pure joy from her eye. ”You and Jiraiya would get along quite well!”

Ren was utterly, completely defeated. ”I have an extremely hostile takeover to plan,” he announced stiffly, turning on his heel to speed-walk down the hallway back to his office.

He didn’t make it two steps.

Mikoto stood up gracefully, intercepting him with the speed of a fully trained Jonin. Before Ren could even think to dodge, she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and pulled him into a crushing, inescapable hug.

”Let go,” Ren protested, his voice muffled as Mikoto squished his face directly into her chest. The soft, heavy pressure and her sweet, familiar perfume completely overwhelmed his senses, making his face burn even hotter.

”My grumpy little billionaire,” Mikoto teased, gently pinching his flushed cheek and rocking him side to side. ”You can buy the whole village, but you’re still my boy.”

Kushina howled with laughter from the couch, clutching her stomach.

Ren aggressively tried to pry his mother’s arms off him, desperately trying to salvage whatever shred of dignity he had left. ”Mother, this is highly inappropriate for a man of my financial standing! Unhand me!”

”Only if you promise to eat a proper dinner tonight and stop hiding in that office,” Mikoto hummed, finally loosening her grip just enough to press a firm kiss to his forehead before letting him step back.

Ren immediately straightened his vest, clearing his throat and actively avoiding Kushina’s highly amused gaze. He hastily retreated down the hall, his face burning, thoroughly and completely defeated by the Uchiha matriarch.

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