Back Then, I Adored You

As he coughed, Guoguo could clearly detect a faint, trembling sob.

…

The next day, Lu Bancheng appeared more nonchalant and casual than what Guoguo had expected.

After breakfast, he sat on the balcony and basked in the sun as he began his video conference, while Guoguo muted the television and settled in on the sofa to watch her TV drama.

She could hear Lu Bancheng’s well-reasoned, articulate voice from time to time. During the commercial, Guoguo glanced at him and saw that he appeared calm and graceful as he sat in his wheelchair. She couldn’t find a single inkling of sadness on his face.

That girl was so upset when she heard my voice yesterday. She was obviously in pain, and there’s no way Lu Bancheng didn’t sense that, too… But he’s just going about his day like nothing happened… Could it be that he’s finally let go of his past?

Guoguo secretly kept an eye on Lu Bancheng throughout the morning, but she couldn’t find anything amiss with him, so she gradually put her mind at rest.

After lunch, Guoguo observed Lu Bancheng as he held onto his laptop and browsed through his email. The expression on his face was still calm as if he didn’t have a problem in the world.

When Guoguo walked over to give him a cup of coffee, he even stopped typing and looked up to flash her a smile. His pupils were as clear as spring water with not a trace of sadness or forlorn.

Guoguo hadn’t slept well the prior night, so now that she was confident that Lu Bancheng was doing fine, she silently headed back to her room to take a nap.

She didn’t set an alarm, and by the time she woke up the sky outside the window was fully dark. She remained in a daze for a few seconds before she suddenly grabbed her phone to see what time it was.

It’s already eight o’clock, and Brother Bancheng hasn’t had dinner yet…

Guoguo quickly jumped off her bed and dashed out of the bedroom.

The lights in the living room were not on, and it was pitch black. She groped about in the dark, found her way to the light switch, and clicked it. And then she saw Lu Bancheng seated in his wheelchair on the balcony. He had a stack of documents in his hands on his lap while his head was tilted down, having fallen asleep from working so hard.

Guoguo got a blanket and quietly approached him. She bent down, pulled the documents out of Lu Bancheng’s hands, and set them on the table next to him. A piece of paper slipped out of the stack and, when Guoguo casually glanced at it she saw that it was covered with handwritten words.

Out of curiosity, she took a longer look and saw that it was filled with the word “Nuannuan” written in many sizes and covering both sides of the paper.

Guoguo’s heart felt a jolt that landed in her throat. After freezing for a moment, she then gently draped the blanket over Lu Bancheng.

So he hasn’t accepted reality, but he has accepted suffering under a mask of nonchalance… But he’s created his reality—for the girl to lead a beautiful life—that forces him to endure great torment and suffering.

While I slept this afternoon, he sat here and wrote out her name stroke by stroke, over and over. What was he feeling in his heart as he wrote all this? Pining? Desperation? Pain?

Guoguo’s heart ached, and she turned her head. Before she could walk away to go call for takeout, Lu Bancheng suddenly reached out from his wheelchair and grabbed ahold of her wrist. “Don’t go…”

Her back tightened, and she turned to look at him. His eyes remained shut, but his lips were moving continuously as he repetitively said, “Nuannuan… Nuannuan…”