Millennial Mage

Tala sighed, nodding as she reached the end of what she had to say, “That’s a pretty good summary, I think.”

It had taken a few hours, and noon was approaching.

Nadro had only interrupted once to ask if she was alright with him eating as she continued. She’d agreed, and they’d both eaten off and on throughout her tale.

She obviously hadn’t been able to give many details, but she had been able to hit the highlights of her homelife, her time at the Academy, her first contracts, her reunion with her siblings, her capture and time as an Eskau, and finally, her return to the human cities.

Wow… that’s a lot when thought of all together like that.

-Well, it did take you a while to convey it. I don’t think I’ve heard you talk that much… ever.-

I suppose that’s true.

Nadro had listened throughout, only interrupting the once. Even then, he seemed to have chosen carefully, and only interjected at a natural pause.

Early on, he had pulled out a slate and writing implement, seemingly taking notes as Tala monologued.

Even with the writing, he had maintained a good amount of eye contact, easily conveying that he was listening intently without staring her down.

Now that Tala was done, he took a few moments, glancing at his notes occasionally, but also looking out the window once again. Finally, he nodded to himself.

“Thank you for sharing all that you did. I cannot fully understand all that you have experienced. It is possible that no one alive can, despite the horrors of this world. Even so, I have heard you, and I appreciate the vulnerability and forthrightness.”

He then fell silent once again.

For some reason, Tala felt a wave of relief. As she considered, she realized that she’d been afraid he would immediately try to fix her, or tell her that he knew what she’d gone through, or try to get details from her, or any number of other things.

He hadn’t.

He had simply listened.

“Thank you”—she took a sip of her refreshed tea—“for listening.”

He smiled and nodded again. “Of course, Mistress.”

There was another long moment of silence.

Nadro seemed to be contemplating, before he finally decided what to say, “So, there are several things that we can do, now.”

“Oh?” Tala felt herself tense slightly. Is he going to try to ‘fix’ me, now?

The look in his eyes was one of utter sincerity. “First, you could tell me what you want to accomplish, and I can advise you.”

Tala grunted at that, but she felt herself relax just a bit. That doesn’t sound too bad, though I don’t know what I actually want…

He smiled. “We could also simply schedule to meet up again and talk further. I am happy to listen to anything that you want to discuss.”

She shrugged. That would probably be nice, but it didn’t seem like what she needed.

“I could also give you my opinion of one or two things that I believe might help you.”

Tala sighed and nodded. There it was, an attempt to fix her, but… somehow, it didn’t feel that way. Rather, it felt like a friend offering advice, rather than someone trying to ‘make her right.’ That actually sounded relieving. “Honestly, I feel like I’m so deep in this that I don’t know where to start.”

“So, would you like us to try that last option, then?”

She smiled. Kind of him to double check. “Yes. Please.”

He smiled. “In that case, I have two suggestions.”

Tala sat up a bit straighter, leaning forward just slightly.

“From your story, my understanding is that you have an Archive attached division within your mind. You called her your alternate interface, and Alat is the name she prefers.”

-Well, he did hear at least some of what you said.-

It would be pretty hard for someone to hear my story without knowing who and what you are.

-That’s fair.-

“I do. What of her?”

“I have something similar, though he goes by Retson.” A small smile pulled at the man’s lips, likely due to some personal knowledge regarding the name. “If you are willing, I think that Alat and Retson should speak via the Archive. It shouldn’t cause any disruption to you or me, and it will help your alternate interface process as well.”

Tala shrugged again. “I have no issue with that. Let me check.”

Alat?

-Sure? Might be interesting.-

Don’t let him convince you to give me the boot, eh?

Alat sent a huff. -Of course not, Tala.-

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Good, I will set up that communication.”

-Done!-

Tala smiled. “Seems like it’s done.”

“It is. Archive connections are a wonder.” He smiled, seemingly at a simple joy.

-Oh… this guy is exactly like Nadro.- There was a minute a pause. -Ha! This should be fun.-

Tala stretched her neck slightly to either side, growing hesitant again. “What was the second thing?”

Nadro leaned forward, seeming to purposely relax as he set his hands on his own knees. “My advice would be to confront Tali directly, and deal with that splinter of your mind once and for all.”

Tala stiffened. “Why?”

He gave her an understanding smile. “You have a segregated part of your mind that you absolutely reject. Holding that within yourself isn’t healthy or good for your long-term health and growth.” He leaned back and took a sip from his own mug. “In a sense, we are each many different people. Who we are with one group versus another. Who we are in battle. Who we are when holding a child. But they are all us. We cannot divorce them from ourselves or from eachother. We cannot reject who we are. A warrior should be gentle with a babe. Do you know what that means?”

“Not hurting the child?”

He chuckled. “Quite, yes. But gentleness, specifically? Do you know what that means?”

“Soft?”

“Some would say that, yes. But in truth, gentleness is strength under control. If you don’t have strength, you cannot keep it under control, thus you cannot be gentle. So, the warrior is strong whether on the battlefield or when holding his infant. In both places he acts differently, but in both places he is using his strength in a controlled manner to accomplish what he wishes. He is the same person, though he acts differently.”

Tala frowned but nodded slowly.

“Tali is not you. She is, in theory, someone that you could have been, but you are not her. You are no more her than an actress in a play is the character they pretend to be.”

“What’s your point?” Tala was shifting, a bit uncomfortable.

“What would you say to an actress who had divided her own mind, so that she could create a part of herself that believed she actually was that character?”

She chuckled nervously. “That sounds… a bit extreme.”

He smiled at that. “True, I suppose. Would you advise her to keep that segregation? After the play was over? After the story was done, and she would never be asked to play that part again?”

Tala didn’t answer, and Nadro seemed content to wait.

She had finished another cup of her tea before she finally answered.

“The segregation should be let go.”

He nodded but still asked, “How come?”

“Because it is a lie; it is a seed of falsehood that can grow and fester if left in place.”

Nadro’s eyebrows rose. “That is fairly harsh language.”

“It is a harsh reality.” Tala felt her resolve firm. “Allowing a lie, a false identity to remain sequestered in my own mind will do nothing good for me.”

He took another drink.

In the silence, Tala felt more stir that she wanted to say, “What could have been doesn’t matter, does it? I am not Tali, no matter how much I pretended to be, no matter how many people knew me as her. It wasn’t really me that they knew, but the character I was pretending to be. The lie that I put forward because I didn’t feel I could be the real me, the me that exists, grounded in reality.”

He smiled sadly and continued to wait.

“I don’t want to be her. Though parts of her are in me, the core of who she was isn’t. I can’t let that lie form me, neither positively by embracing it, nor negatively by rebelling against the similarities. Either would be treating the character—the lie—as if it were real.”

After another lengthy pause, Nadro leaned forward. “So? What would you like to do?”

“I want to tell her the lie of her own existence, then break down the division between us, excise the false memories, and recontextualize what I experienced while forced to be her.”

There was another pregnant pause as Tala felt tears building in her eyes.

“I want to tell her how much I hate her for what I had to do because of her. I want to tell her I’m sorry that she was a lie. I...”—she swallowed and wiped away her tears. She hadn’t cried in the retelling, but this was striking much closer to her heart—“I want to tell her that I forgive her. My suffering wasn’t her fault, even though she was an indirect contributor. I want to eliminate the last stains of Be-thric from my mind.”

Nadro’s smile was full of empathy as he continued to listen.

Tala laughed and wiped away some more tears. “I’m sorry. That was… that was a lot.”

“Mistress Tala. You never need to apologize for the truth, and I think what you’ve said is a deep truth in your heart. Thank you.”

She smiled and shrugged. “I’ve taken your whole morning.”

“I set it aside for you, Mistress. I do have an appointment after lunch, but I can postpone it if necessary.”

Tala waved that notion away. “No, no. This has been… good… I think.”

He smiled. “I agree. I have enjoyed getting to know you, Mistress Tala.” He stood. “Would you like to meet up again?”

Tala stood as well, setting her cup to the side. She frowned for a moment, then nodded and smiled again. “Yes. I think I would like that.”

“I’m glad. I trust that Retson and Alat can set something up for us?” He tilted his head to the side for a moment, then nodded.

Tala gave a shallow bow. “Thank you. Thank you for your time, and thank you for listening.”

“Absolutely. It’s more than my job, Mistress. We must care for one another if we are to thrive.”

With a thought, Tala caused the door out of Kit to appear behind Nadro.

He gave her a shallow bow, taking one last, long look out the window. “Stunning, truly. Few have mastered the art of dimensional space creation like the arcanes, at least not since the restoration.”

With a shake of his head, and a last smile sent her way, he turned towards the doorway out like he’d known it was there all along.

Tala hesitated.

Before he could leave, she decided to go for it, “If I may ask?”

Nadro stopped with his hand on the doorknob. He didn’t turn back. “Yes, Mistress?”

“How advanced are you? I don’t see any inscriptions on you, nor can I sense your gate or aura at all. I don’t sense a through-spike, nor any other form of concealment. I’ve never come across such perfect magical control.”

He smiled, turning towards her then, and bowed deeply. “Thank you, Mistress Tala. That is an incredible compliment, especially from you, now that I know your story.”

She shrugged. “It’s just the truth.”

“Even so.” He hesitated for a moment. “You know, someone with my level of control can fake any level of advancement, even to magesight as advanced as yours.”

It was her turn to grin. “Ahh, but you said there was no place for deception with you.”

He laughed then, obvious smile lines and crow’s feet showing on his face along with the genuine mirth. “I did, didn’t I?”

Tala waited, taking a cue from him.

He waited too, smiling, but finally, he nodded. “I am who I am, Mistress Tala. I think you, as much as anyone, will be able to accept that.”

Without another word, his aura was suddenly visible.

Tala’s eyes widened, and she felt herself tremble.

Kit quaked, seemingly also able to sense the man.

Before she could recover to respond with anything, Master Nadro had hidden his aura once more, and exited Kit, closing the door behind himself.

Tala sunk backwards into her chair.

Master Nadro was decidedly human, he bore every hallmark that she knew to look for.

She had checked, because unlike most humans she knew, he lacked a gate.

Even so, her verification had been reflexive, faster than thought, her conscious mind frozen at the color of the aura presented to her.

Indigo. And simply because of her enhanced vision and Alat’s ability to compare, she’d been able to see, Indigo with hints of violet. He’s Ascending.

-No. He doesn’t have a gate, Tala. He would need to advance as the arcanes do.-

Hallowed… She’d been right before, he didn’t have any inscriptions, but he didn’t need them. At least, he didn’t need them anymore.

In the brief unveiling, she’d seen his natural magics thick with power and detail. The dimensions of magic around the man were carved as deeply as any she’d ever glimpsed, though she couldn’t interpret them at all.

There had been so, so much in that brief glimpse that as Tala processed through all of it, she didn’t notice noon come and go.

It was mid-afternoon before she shook herself free of her rumination and stood once more.

-Are you ready?-

Tala nodded to herself. She could deal with the existential questions brought up by finding such a powerful human later. Tala already had thousands of questions, but it was not the time. Most of them likely overlapped in one way or another, regardless.

Yes. It is time to deal with Tali.

Less than a minute later, Tala was sitting on the hill she’d occupied the previous night.

-I believe I can do what you’re thinking.-

Good. Let’s do this.

Alat used the same method that allowed her to show Tala books that weren’t really there to create a duplicate of Tala in her own vision.

No, not a duplicate. Tali.

The woman sat with closed eyes, her posture subtly different than Tala’s own. Her head tilted down just a bit, showing default subservience. At the same time, her shoulders were a bit straighter, her confidence more prevalent and obvious than it was for Tala.

-We’re ready for your part.-

Tala nodded, moving a bloodstar to hover in the center of the apparition’s head. She then mirrored her perspective onto the bloodstar and handed access to and control of that perspective over to Alat.

Alat, in turn, activated the part of their mind that was Tali and passed the perspective to the false personality.

Tali’s eyes snapped open, immediately focusing on Tala. They widened in shock, but just for a moment.

The Eskau had a phantom of Flow in her hand in an instant, even as she lunged to plant the blade through Tala’s throat.

Tala didn’t react as the weapon passed harmlessly through her. Fascinating. Could you make me feel that?

-Now is hardly the time, Tala. This is harder than you might assume, maintaining the illusion for you both.-

Fine, fine.

“Tali.”

The woman stopped, looking down at her weapon in confusion.

“Sit. There is much we need to talk about.”

The Eskau glared but dropped into a seated position. Tala could practically hear what the woman was thinking.

-Oh! I could let you hear, if you want.-

Tala almost said, ‘Yes.’ but that could be confusing, and it would be against the spirit of what she was trying to do. No, but thank you.

“What magics have you worked to protect yourself from me, imposter?”

Tala sighed. “I am Tala. You and I are the same person, Tali. More accurately, I am the person who was kidnapped and erased so that Be-thric could create you.”

Tali laughed. “Master has no need of disloyal creatures, and anyone willing to say such a lie cannot be considered loyal.”

“Be-thric is dead.”

Tali paled. “What? That is… no. That’s not possible.”

“By my hand. Or, as you would see it, our hand.”

She flushed red with anger. “Liar. I would never hurt him.”

They had kept that memory locked away from Tali, as there really was no reason try to reconcile it for the fake personality, given Tala had never intended to use her again. Please let her see the memory.

Tali gasped, eyes widening again and the wash of color in her cheeks draining away. “Lies. Horrid, obviously false lies.”

Tala shrugged, sighing with deep weariness that she’d not really noticed creeping up on her. “I don’t need you to believe me. I don’t need anything from you. I don’t need you at all.”

Tali growled but didn’t say anything—seemingly quite off balance still—before Tala continued.

“I conjured you up—”

-Excuse me, you?-

Do you really think that it will make things easier if I tell her about you?

-Fair…-

“As I was saying, I conjured you up for very specific purposes, and nothing more.”

She narrowed her gaze, obviously wary. “What would those be?”

“To say goodbye, and to tell you that I’m sorry that you were created to be abused and subjugated. Your existence was a lie from the beginning. You are a lie, created to control me. Nothing more.”

Tali opened her mouth, rage building on her features, but Tala lifted her hand, and Tali was unable to speak.

Thank you.

-Hey, this is easier on me.- Alat sent a shrug.

“We will not meet again.” There was a long pause while the other woman silently raged. Tala knew that she would be heard when she spoke, despite Tali’s actions, “I forgive you, Tali. You were as much a victim as I ever was. I forgive you.” Tala gave a soft, mournful smile. “Goodbye.”

The apparition vanished, and Tala felt something break down within her mind.

In that moment, everything that Tali had experienced slammed into Tala’s consciousness, and the memories rushed through her as if she were back in that time, again. She was a passenger, forced to watch as she acted out a horrid play.

Before, she’d had the memories there, separated and isolated. She could reference them, but she was only able to access them in a theoretical sense.

Now?

Now, Tala lived them.

She threw her head back and screamed at the sky, feeling every emotion, every lie, every death.

She screamed, and the world within Kit trembled at the force of it.