The Quantum Wanderer

His wife is working in the inn. We move to a table in the corner. After a short moment, she comes to take our orders.

“Hello, dear. I see you brought company. Hello, your majesty, lord Andvari, lord Marcelo, lord Muninn, right?”

Brokkr leaves out a grunt. Ildra picks the tip of her beard and scratches Brokkr’s face. He slaps her hand, and murmurs.

“Not in public, dear.”

His humor improves, though. She turns to us.

“So, what will it be?”

“Some ale.” I answer. I pick out the box of cookies and place it on the table.

Dávrin and Andvari are licking their lips. I look at Brokkr.

“This is something my chef baked for you guys. Please have some.”

Brokkr picks one, and bites into it. Ildra does the same. They both close their eyes, enjoying the sensations from the cookies.

“BY. THE. GODS! This is amazing. I could ask for a gold coin for each and they would still sell like adamantite ore to a master smith!”

Dávrin snorts.

“Not to our master smith, I don’t think he works that much to use that big of an amount of ore…”

Dávrin, Andvari and Ildra laugh a little. Brokkr still has his cookie in his mouth.

“I think you guys keep exaggerating things.”

Ildra looks at me. She points at Brokkr with both arms.

“He is not even complaining about the joking!”

Brokkr tilts his head while nodding, conceding her a point. Ildra points at the box of cookies. There are still some 10 cookies left.

“Can I try to sell the rest?”

“They are a present to you guys. You can do whatever you want. I can always ask Roberta to get me some more.”

Ildra takes the box to back. She comes out with a tray. There are tiny pieces of cookie on it. She yells out.

“ALRIGHT, BAND OF TRASH EATING MOLES! PAY ATTENTION!”

Every dwarf in the place turns their face to her.

“WE HAVE HERE SOMETHING UNIQUE TODAY! WE ARE GOING TO BE SELLING MASTER MARCELO’S HEAVENLY COOKIES!”

At this point, she has all of their attention.

“EACH COOKIE IS GOING TO BE SOLD FOR AT LEAST A GOLD COIN! WE ARE ONLY GOING TO SELL 8 OF THEM!”

The dwarves laugh. She doesn’t care.

“I AM GOING TO GO AROUND PROVIDING A VERY SMALL SAMPLE, SO THAT YOU SHIT EATING MORONS CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT IS REAL GOOD STUFF!”

She start going around the room. The effect each dwarf has upon tasting the sample is fantastic. I feel like I am in a slap comedy. They make faces. They drool a little.  After the first few ones have tasted the sample, the other ones start changing the energy from mocking into curiosity. There are murmurs around. They are asking if it’s true…

Once Ildra has served the very small samples to the whole room, she goes on stage.

“ALL RIGHT. LET ME SEE SOME HANDS! WHO WOULD BE WILLING TO PAY A GOLD COIN FOR THE COOKIE?”

A big amount of patrons raise their hands in the air. I just see a big amount of hands. Ildra counts the number of hands raised. In the mean time, there are some women doing the same thing with their beards that Ildra had done with Brokkr, and some additional hands come up slowly.

“OK. WE HAVE 35 PEOPLE, BUT ONLY 8 COOKIES! LOWER YOUR HANDS! NOW, WHO WOULD BE WILLING TO PAY ONE GOLD AND FIVE SILVER?”

A lot less people raise their hands now. Ildra counts the number of hands.

“STILL TOO MANY PEOPLE. 20 PEOPLE, 8 COOKIES! YOU KNOW THE DRILL NOW! WHO WOULD BE WILLING TO PAY TWO GOLD?”

Almost everyone lower their hands. There are… seven hands in the air.

“AND WE HAVE THE WINNERS! COME TO THE STAGE WITH YOUR PURSES!”

The seven dwarves that kept their hands in the air seem really pleased with themselves. One of them looks at the cookie. He whispers something to Ildra. Ildra shrugs. She shouts from the stage.

“Master Marcelo, why are the cookies purple?”

“I am not sure, but I would bet that the color is the purple pepper that was used. I would have to get the recipe with my chef.”

The winners in the quick auction celebrate. The others are kind of flaberghasted. One dwarf from the back shouts a question at Ildra.

“Lady Ildra, what is going to happen to the last cookie?”

“It is going to be auctioned tomorrow! Tell your friends!”

The dwarves with the cookies go back their tables. They start eating the cookies. Their faces is fantastic. I think that they are exaggerating, trying to make others jealous on purpose. Ildra comes back to our table. She has a smug smile on her.

“Like I told you, master Marcelo, a gold coin is an easy sell.”

I laugh. Brokkr has a smug, proud smile on him. I laugh some more.

“You’re vicious! Congratulations on the sale.”

“Fair is fair. Give me a fifth of the gains for commission, but the rest is your money.”

“I am sorry, but this was a gift. Please take it.”

“I cannot accept it, master Marcelo. Perhaps you could give this to the people involved in baking the cookies?”

“That sounds reasonable. Can I ask you to pay me in silver coins? That way we can distribute easily.”

“Of course.”

Ildra goes to behind the counter.d

Dávrin is looking sad. Andvari is the one to notice.

“What happened, your majesty?”

“Davina and Dyrgja are going to want my skin.”

I laugh.

“Don’t worry, I am going to ask Roberta to bake another batch. I have to do additional shopping tomorrow.  We are going to run out of ingredients pretty soon.”

By this time, Ildra is back with the silver coins. 126 dwarven silver coins.

“How much are the ingredients to bake the cookies?” Ildra asks.

“I have no idea. But I know that it should not be that expensive. A gold coin in the herb house will buy almost the whole thing…” I laugh, indicating that I am exaggerating.

“Didn’t you pay for it?” Andvari asks.

I give him a yellow smile. Ildra gets away from our table to serve other patrons.

“Nope. We became friends of the forest. The girls, brâns and I. The currency in the land of the elves is based on some magical seeds. But when I am about to close a transaction, the seeds to pay for that just pop up.”

“What do you mean, pop up? Where?”

“A table, a counter, the wall, the floor. It just happens. The forest decided that my gold is just not good. They even gave me a house there.”

“What did you do?”

“Oh, I had to help them with some negotiations with a dragon. A hatchling.”

Brokkr and Dávrin start laughing. Ildra looks at them.

“What?”

Brokkr slaps his own leg.

“That probably means there is one less dragon flying around.”

Muninn start laughing.

“They really got your number, father.”

“You killed a dragon?”

Muninn laughs.

“No, of course not. He killed two.”

Apparently this is pure comedy to Dávrin and  Brokkr. I smile.

“Actually, the adult dragon was killed by Ruby. I was telling him to move aside, and instead of complying, he laughed. She didn’t like it.”

“How was the fight?” Brokkr asks, leaning forward.

Muninn laughs even harder.

“What fight? During his second laugh he was already seeing his own body down.”

Muninn makes a gesture with his wing, of cutting the throat and the head spinning in the air.

Brokkr and Dávrin raise their cups.

“Respect.” Each of them say, they take a sip.

“And please keep her nails away from the new armor.” Brokkr adds.

We laugh.

“That was even funny. When I arrived there, before I had finished the quest, I went into an arms shop. When I had my backs to him, he was treating me well. When he saw the scratches in the front, he thought the armor was a fake!”

Dávrin laughs, but Brokkr doesn’t have the reaction I expected. Cecilia could really help here. I continue.

“But then I explained them that my girls are… Unique.”

Dávrin changes the subject.

“What kind of weapons were they selling?”

“They are strong with bows and arrows. It is a kind of work that cannot be made anywhere else. The bows and arrows are probably grown, not made. That shop, for instance, had bows for all levels of strength imaginable. I mean, up to level 60. The arrows were also well done.”

“What about day to day stuff?” Ildra asks.

“They have a lot of ingredients. Purple pepper is not that expensive there. They also have exquisite fabric. Not that many choice of colors, though. Blue, for instance, is a no-no.”

“Master Marcelo… About that shopping expedition…” Dávrin again trying his puppy eyes.

“Why don’t we try to invite the demons as well? Rajesh, Aisha, Sidhu, his wife… Let me just get approval from Ipê, we can set a date.”

The bells indicate that is four o’clock. Dávrin and Brokkr agree. Now Andvari has puppy eyes, but Dávrin cuts him.

“Just give me a list of what you want, I will get it if it is available.”

Andvari nods. I slap my leg.

“Well, it is already getting closer to sunset, I had better get back home. I have some additional actions right now, I have to talk to Rajesh. And the girls are going to be arriving.”

“Of course.”

I raise my index finger to Ildra, to summon her. She comes to the table.

“How much do I owe you?” I ask her.

Ildra looks at Dávrin. He answers for her.

“Nothing. Your money is not good here. Specially since I am remembering the amount of cookies that I had…” He laughs.

I feel a little awkward, but I learned to accept these things. Dávrin and I go out the door. Andvari settles the account, and joins us a couple of moments later. We walk our way back to the palace. Dávrin is passing his hand through his beard nervously. I think I understand the reason.

“Don’t worry, I will ask Roberta to do another batch. I told you I would give you some cookies to share with Davina and Dyrgja.”

“I am really worried, they are going to skin me alive.” Dávrin answers.

“Why didn’t your majesty bid on the auction? Andvari asks.

“The whole point Ildra was trying to make was that normal people would pay for the cookies. My bidding could be interpreted as trying to raise the prices artificially.”

We arrive at the castle, and I portal from my room in the portal to my living room at home. The kitchen are already starting to cook dinner. I go into the kitchen.

“Roberta, do you have a minute?”

She comes to me, wiping her hands on her apron.

“How can I help, lord?”

“I am back from the dwarves. Your cookies were a success there. In truth, success doesn’t quite describe it. Ildra, master Brokkr’s wife, made an auction with the last eight of them. Seven were sold, she is going to auction the last one tomorrow. It generated some coin, so I have the coins here.”

A cook close to Roberta, turns momentarily to us.

“How much did they fetch, lord?”

“There is a commission that was taken out, of a fifth part, given to Ildra. She really sold them.”

Then I raise my fingers, with the index finger and the middle finger up.

“Two small coppers?”

I shake my head. I point up with my other hand.

“Two large coppers?”

I shake my head again. I point up. Other cooks stop what they are doing, and they are brought to speed by their colleagues. They start making a circle around me. The cook that is asking about the values so far start breathing harder.

“T-t-two silvers?”

I open a wide smile. This one deserves it. I shake my head really slowly and point up again. Some of them have a hand on their chests. The cook that was asking the value murmurs. I can understand her, but gesture her to talk louder.

“Two  gold?”

“Yes! I got it converted in silver coins, so that Roberta can distribute it. And Roberta, you deserve the prize as well, ok?”

Roberta nods very slowly. I continue.

“And a very important observation: these are dwarven silver. I was told that there is an exchange rate. So each dwarven silver is worth around 9 empire silver. I don’t know how accurate this is, but be careful not to defrauded about this.

“And we are going to need a new batch tomorrow, for the queen and princess of the dwarves… Things happened and they did not get any cookie.”

I hand the bag to Roberta. She puts the silver pouch in her bag of holding, and turns around to the crowd around her.

“Alright gawking frogs! We are still preparing lord and ladies’ dinner! Back to work! Make sure to repay his generosity!”

The cooks get back to their stations. I go to the living room.  I open a portal to my house in the elves. As always, when I jump out the portal I meet Ipê.

“Big brother! How are you?”

“I am well. How are you?”

“A little sad… Big brother is getting us hooked on the good food, and then don’t come over, don’t let us know when we can get more…”

I laugh.

“I am short on time right now. Can we do that tomorrow?”

“Of course, big brother. You are the one doing the favor.”

“On that subject, favor… I have some other friends that would like to come here get some ingredients as well. Is it alright to bring them?”

“Of course, big brother! You don’t have to ask us; the answer is always going to be yes!”

“I am worried about the amount of stuff we are buying in the herb house.”

She laughs.

“Big brother, there are dozens of herb houses in the city. This city has hundreds of thousands of elves. And it is one of many. Let them sell their herbs.”

“But is it not coming from the forest?”

“Would big brother mind if someone gave him a hair cut and sold the old hair? That is what it feels like to us. Don’t worry.”

“Ok. Is there a problem with bringing dwarves or demons?”

“None. They are actually more welcome than humans.”

“Do you know if the stores accept demon coin?”

She shrugs.

“We don’t really pay attention to this kind of thing, big brother…”

“Of course. Thank you.”

“Sure, big brother!”

I get back home. I was about pull out Rajesh’s Comm Gem when a portal opens in the living room. The girls come through it. Cecilia is the last one. She closes the portal and throws herself on the couch.

“Fuck this is tiresome.”

Muninn and Huginn laugh at her. I smile. Aquamarine turns to me.

“What were you up to today, my lord?”

“Huh? I visited the dwarves.”

“Why does it feel like the kitchen is all excited?”

I laugh.

“Things happened…” I laugh some more, and I tell them what happened during the day. When I finish the tale, Rudolph is informing us that dinner is served. We sit and eat our dinner.

After dinner, go back to the living room. I pull out Rajesh’s Comm Gem.

“Good evening, friend! How are you?” Rajesh answers the call, with his normal good humor.

“Good evening, Rajesh. We are all good. How are you?”

“Same old, same old. Things tend to go at a normal pace when you are not around…” He laughs.

Everyone keeps saying that, but it is not like I look for trouble. It just happens. He continues.

“But how can I help you, friend? Oh, just a second. Aisha is telling me that the dresses are going to be ready tomorrow morning.”

“What dresses?”

“Just a second…” He kinds of cover the Comm Gem with his hand, probably, but starts a talk with Aisha. She is telling him that it is amazing how men don’t pay attention. The girls have come there and ordered some dresses made with a cloth they brought. He comes back to the Comm Gem.

“Your girls are having some dresses made, apparently. Oh, and also a new suit for you… That’s all, apparently. But how can I help you, friend?”

“That is actually going to save a lot of explaining. The cloth being used for those dresses were acquired with the elves. I was talking to Dávrin, and we were planning on doing a shopping trip there for Dávrin, Brokkr, you and Sidhu. And families, obviously. You will want to bring your head chef, they have some very nice condiments. Besides some other stuff. Bows and arrows, the cloths that are probably being used to create the dresses…”

“Huh… Ok… Is Dávrin going to spend a day in a shopping trip? That sounds weird.” He covers again the Comm Gem. He mentions to Aisha about the shopping, the condiments, and the cloths.

The next voice I hear is Aisha’s.

“Great Adventurer, when can we go? What kind of coin do they accept? How much are the wares?”

I hear Rajesh complaining in the back, but I ignore it.

“I don’t have a date yet. I know that we are going to there tomorrow, I have to get stuff for us. The condiments lasted way less than expected. We can go any day, really. We don’t have anything during the day in the foreseeable future.

“As for the prices, they are good. I think that the roll of spider silk is a dwarven gold coin. I didn’t pay attention to the other ones. I think that four rolls of silk are another gold coin. The cotton is cheaper. I forgot to ask them if they work with demon coins. Do you have dwarven coins, just in case?”

“Yes! We have been trading a lot with them. Can we go there three days from today? I want to procure dwarven coin tomorrow and the day after.”

“It looks like you are going to buy the whole store…”

I laugh, more of the ambassadorial laughter than a fun joke one. I continue.

“How about 9 o’clock? Oh, I told this to Rajesh, you will want to bring your head chef to help you on buying the condiments.”

“Thank you for the tip.”

“No problem.”

We cut the connection. I turn to the girls.

“Are you getting dresses done by the demons?”

Opal looks at me.

“Each one of us have different uses for the toys. They seemed happy, anyway.”

“Ok. The dresses are going to be ready tomorrow.”

“Great. We are going to use them in the ball. They are going to deliver at the right time. They are not completely useless, after all.”

I sigh. I end up thinking about having another orgy. Aquamarine licks her lips. I end up laughing. We retire for the day.

Next morning, we again separate. The girls go to my harem, to make sure their dresses have the right measurements. I open a portal to the elven city, and bring Roberta with me. Ipê greets us.

“Big brother! How are you?”

She is licking her lips. But in a physical hunger way, as if she is about to have a meal. Roberta is looking at the dryad.

“We are well, Ipê, thanks. How are you?”

“HUNGRY! Big brother provided that meal, now Ipê is addicted… Big brother is a meanie…”

I laugh.

“Ok. Let us get Roberta here to the herb house, and I will fly down to replenish the thing.”

Ipê changes her air, she is now almost shining. A bump rises from the floor, behind Roberta. It becomes a chair. Then a seat belt grows around her chest. The chair starts moving through the room, and it gains speed. The front of the house opens up for the chair, and the chair is gone before I can understand what is going on.

“Is that safe?”

“Of course, big brother. Little me would never ever hurt someone from big brother’s house.”

“Ok, then.”

I walk outside the house, and fly down to the ground. This time, a few days have passed, so there is more waste matter. I open the portal. I create a lower pressure in Ipê’s vault, so that it comes in at a higher speed.

I wait while it gets transferred from my house in the Empire to the roots of the trees here. There is a lot of life in the chamber below me. I can sense its movement with the mana sense. Ipê is making the same faces that the girls and I have been doing when we eat food with elven condiments.

Again I wonder on how much of this cuteness is just an evolutionary advantage and how much of this is just innocence. Not that it makes that much difference.

I fly up to the city. I was thinking of landing in front of the herb house, but there are a lot of elves in front of it. I land a little behind. I walk towards it. I hear the commotion.