Path of the Extra

“Man, so you’re about to be a big brother, huh!?”

“I guess…”

Both Leo and Nathan sat on the swings; the sun had already gone down.

More than a year had passed.

…and it was about time that Leo’s little sister was going to be born. His mom was already in the hospital, due any day this week. The two of them were at a playground close to the hospital, since Nathan’s mom and dad were there, and Leo’s dad as well.

Ever since Leo had joined his middle school’s basketball club, he’d started trying harder than ever.

He remembered. He remembered those words from that night when his parents were arguing about him.

She had called him a monster. She had said he wasn’t a normal child.

…But Leo had realised something since that day.

It was okay. It was okay if he wasn’t normal. It was okay if he was a monster.

As long as Mom looked at him, as long as her eyes were always on him…

He’d be willing to become the biggest monster there was.

It was when he was nine years old that he finally got a professional, very skilled tutor for his piano lessons. Mom had said she was one of the best, so Leo believed her.

Mom had high expectations of Leo, so Leo naturally had to meet them all.

He had to make her proud.

“…Are you still not excited?” Nathan asked, looking at him sadly.

Leo kept staring down at his feet. Seeing his reaction, Nathan tried to cheer him up.

“We’re finally going to attend the same middle school now, huh, Leo? I can’t wait to be in the same class!”

“…I guess.”

A few years ago, when Sarah had planned to transfer Nathan into Leo’s elementary school, Nathan had changed his mind once he was home. He didn’t want to leave his friends and had begged in tears to stay.

That was how he ended up staying at his old school until middle school.

But this time, they were going to one together.

It was apparently a really prestigious middle school that even had an entrance exam. Naturally, Leo aced the exam.

Nathan had studied hard this time because he wanted to be with Leo, and he’d managed to pass in the end as well. Though… he definitely hadn’t aced the test.

But Leo’s mind was preoccupied with other thoughts.

’…The baby will be born any moment now… but why? Why does it have to be born? Why am I just not… enough? Haven’t I been trying my best? Is my best not enough? Am I not enough of a monster? Are… are they trying to replace me?’

Insecure thoughts raced nonstop through his mind.

’…Am I just not trying hard enough?’

“Here.”

His train of thought stopped when something suddenly blocked his vision—an apple.

Leo blinked at it a few times before looking up. Nathan stood in front of him with a worried expression, holding the apple out with both hands.

Still looking a bit confused, Leo took the apple from him. Nathan immediately broke into a happy, relieved smile.

Taking a bite of the apple, Leo’s face visibly softened. He kept munching, taking small bites each time, his cheeks filling like a squirrel’s.

“Say, Leo… are you perhaps jealous?”

Leo frowned but didn’t stop eating. He glanced at Nathan, tilting his head slightly.

“Your little sister… her name will be Lia, right? You never really seemed excited or happy when anyone talked about her being born… so are you jealous of her?”

Leo stopped chewing and swallowed what was in his mouth.

“…I am not jealous.”

He muttered it while looking back down.

“But you are! Like, you totally are jealous of your little Lia, aren’t ya!?”

Nathan brought his face close to Leo’s, who was still seated on the swing, making Leo’s frown deepen.

“Leo, you’re scared that Aunty and Uncle will stop paying attention to you, right?”

Leo’s face hardened even more as his brows knitted together.

“You’re gross. Get away from me.”

“See! See, I’m right! You just don’t want to admit it!”

“Are you deaf—”

“You always get, like, suuuuper happy when they praise you, you know? When it’s Uncle, you just keep smiling the entire day, but when Aunty praises you, you start beaming and look like you’re walking on clouds and rainbows for, like, an entire week!”

The juice of the apple started sliding down Leo’s fingers as he gripped it tighter, his teeth clenching.

“You work, like, suuuuper hard in secret to make Uncle and Aunty happy, don’t you?”

“…Shut up.”

“Eh?”

“Your breath stinks. Your voice is annoying. I feel like throwing up.”

Nathan staggered back, staring at the merciless look in Leo’s eyes as Leo glared at him with a cold, disgusted expression.

“M-my breath stinks? But… that can’t be? I brushed my teeth for five whole minutes today so I don’t have to tonight!”

He brought his hand to his mouth and kept breathing into it and smelling it, while Leo pursed his lips and once more lowered his gaze to his feet.

’I am not jealous of her…’

He really wasn’t.

He really wasn’t jealous of Lia.

’I am simply… envious…’

Envious of how an unborn child got to have more attention than him. Someone already right in front of their faces…

Why can they never see what he really wants? He loves them, he loves them so badly, so isn’t his love enough for them? He already tries so hard for their love, and that thing not even born has already gotten so much more attention and time taken away from him… What if there won’t be enough love for the both of them either?

What if they have to choose who to love, and they do not choose him?

’I hate this… I don’t want this… just look at me, and love me… only me… I’ll do even better, I’ll be better until there is no one better than me… just—’

“There you boys are!”

A shout from afar made both of them snap out of their thoughts.

“Mom?” Nathan looked up in surprise as Sarah came running toward them, her phone’s flashlight on, the evening already considerably dark.

She ran up and stopped in front of them, dropping to her knees as she bent forward, panting, her face flushed and out of breath.

Nathan ran to her, and Leo got off his swing and walked over as well.

“I-it’s starting… Jeanne… is in labour.”

*****

At this point Leo had no idea how much time had passed.

An hour? Hours?

All he knew was that he was seated in the hallway, with Nathan next to him, head on Leo’s shoulder, snoring and drooling on him.

Sighing, he tried to stay still so he wouldn’t wake Nathan, since that would be a greater pain than the weight of his head on his shoulder—which didn’t seem to have much inside anyway. Leo retrieved a small rectangular white box from the pocket of his pants.

Gently, he pried it open, the magnets keeping it closed making a soft click.

Inside was a beautiful golden necklace adorned with tiny golden flowers. Leo had heard that apparently giving birth was an extremely painful process for women, so he had decided to get her a gift to cheer her up.

The reason he chose a gold necklace was simple: Leo knew that his mother loved gold.

It had been a year ago when he’d asked her the question, just out of curiosity, whether she liked gold, silver, or bronze.

———”Which one of those I like the most? Well… then it would be gold. You see, Leo, gold is always so shiny and sparkly, making it lovely to always look at. It lasts extremely long, so we never have to worry whether it rusts, and because of that its worth will always be valuable to us humans—a lot of times even more than money.”

Based on her words, which Leo had kept inside ever since, he had used his own money from his allowance and the tournaments he’d won to buy this necklace.

Leo gently closed the box with a click and put it back inside his pocket.

’I hope Mom will be happy with my gift…’

He clenched his fists.

’But what if she says I shouldn’t have wasted my time or money on it…?’

Just like that day when he tried to draw something for her…

’I shouldn’t have bought this… this was a mistake. I will just disappoint her… I am stupid for hoping. This is not how someone like me can make her happy.’

Suddenly, as he began to feel anxious and nervous about her reaction, a familiar set of footsteps rushed toward them. Leo subtly turned his head and saw Sarah and her husband Tim, who was a bulky, muscular person in a suit with glasses yet had a gentle expression, walking toward them with a delighted smile.

“Leo, are you ready to meet your little sister?”