Shinrabansho: Myriad Souls

Rui’s eyes went suspiciously shiny for a second.

Akuchi inhaled so sharply I thought her lungs might burst. Then she sagged forward, her face nearly plunging into the rice, drool gathering at the corner of her mouth.

“Hnnnnnnnn—” she whimpered. “I can smell the love in this food. It’s… it’s pure concentrated love…”

“Don’t pass out yet,” Ume chided, flicking her ear. “Honestly.” A faint blush colored her cheeks.

“Yet?” Akuchi echoed, as if she hadn’t already lived through the devastating effects of Ume-chan’s cooking.

We folded our hands instinctively.

“Itadakimasu,” we said together.

Rui and I sounded resigned, however Akuchi was a little too eager for common sense. Ume watched us with a warm, proud glow. Natalia-sama surveyed the spread, licking her lips delicately.

“It looks… and smells… positively divine,” she murmured.

The first bite of rice and egg landed on my tongue and… something in me broke.

Soft, sweet, perfectly seasoned egg. The rice was that impossible midpoint between firm and fluffy… something I didn’t even know I needed until now. The miso warmed my insides in a way that felt almost like healing from the inside.

… But then the actual taste hit.

Something was… very off. Not bad. Just… skewed. Like at least one ingredient wasn’t quite fit for human consumption, with a faint herbal undertone that was distinctive of Ume’s heartfelt cooking.

Beneath that strangeness was something deeper, something warm and earnest that overshadowed everything else.

Love.

Her love.

A strange pressure tightened behind my eyes.

I took another bite.

And another.

The flavors… strange as they were… settled together like soft hands at my back, steadying me. Even the off-notes felt comforting. It was because they tasted like Ume. Like home. Like being cared for.

My vision blurred.

Don’t cry over breakfast, I told myself.

A hot tear rolled down my cheek anyway.

Across the table, Rui made a tiny choking sound. When I looked over, she was shoveling rice into her mouth a little too quickly, her shoulders trembling, her eyes glistening. She definitely tasted the same strange herbs in our food that I did… but she tasted the love too.

“Don’t look at me,” she snapped, her voice thick. “It’s… it’s just the steam. It got in my eyes, baka.”

“Of course,” I whispered.

A soft, wet sniffling came from my other side. Akuchi… who had finally started eating… was openly sobbing, her cheeks stuffed with rice and fish, tears streaming down her face as she devoured her food like she hadn’t eaten in a year.

“Too… good…” she hiccuped. “It’s… it’s an attack… on my heart…”

She looked like a squirrel hoarding all its nuts in its cheeks right then.

Natalia hid a smile behind her hand as she tasted a bite of her fish. She paused just a moment longer than usual… her only sign of reaction. “You’ve outdone yourself, Ume dear. The flavor is… quite moving.”

Natalia-sama translation: It tastes weird, but a good kind.

Ume beamed, her little fangs peeking as pride radiated off her. “Eat as much as you like.”

“Yes…” I managed, crying.

We ate in a strange, shared silence, our sniffles and soft exhalations punctuating the clink of chopsticks and the rustling of our sleeves against the table. Every bite washed sharp and jagged emotions out of me… at least a little.

Reiko-chan would have loved her cooking. I wonder if she can taste it with me.

Her dishes were so bold… so earnest… so in your face with love.

I absolutely knew that Reiko would’ve lavished Ume with praise for her cooking and smothered her with plenty of head pats… and probably a whole lot more besides.

My heart twisted as I considered how I should react.

“Um… thanks, Ume-chan.” I managed, my face heating.

“Ahhhh!” she swooned dramatically. “The perfect seasoning for my tamagoyaki!”

Ume immediately began chowing down on her own food with sparkly-eyed enthusiasm.

Apparently my blush alone was enough seasoning for her.

I wondered how she would react if we actually… together…

I blushed even more.

Ume ate even faster.

I didn’t think I had the courage to give her any head pats yet… even though the urge crawled up the back of my neck like a guilty thought. I didn’t, because it made me feel like a fraud, reaching for something that wasn’t my place. I felt awkward.

How could I treat them the way they treated me?

I’d feel like a total creep. A wolf in sheep’s clothes, or a counterfeit trying to be the real thing. That thought dulled my appetite.

“So,” Rui said at last, setting her chopsticks down with a sharp CLACK. “Name.”

I looked at her blanket. She looked right at me. “Wha?”

“Your new one,” she said firmly. “If we’re getting you a license and an ID, you can’t stay ‘Susumu.’ Not with that beautiful face. It would be a travesty! Or…” her eyes swept me up and down with a theatrical expression, hearts in her eyes, “…that bombshell body.”

I flinched and dropped my chopsticks.

Bombshell? Me?!

She giggled. “You’re not the same person, Susu. Far from it. You’re a girl now.” She paused for a long moment, looking away thoughtfully for a moment and then returned her gaze to me. “Honestly, I’m not sure you were ever actually a man. Once a noh-nuts, always a noh-nuts, I guess.”

My cheeks flared hot.

Normally, being called a noh-nuts would’ve made me bark back, but this time… I couldn’t deny the truth hiding in her teasing. Plus, I’d accurately called myself that this very morning.

“I… I know,” I murmured. “But I can’t be Reiko either, Rui. Personality-wise, I’m not exactly her. And yeah, the body is definitely hers, but I’m mostly me up here…”

My voice shrank as I stared down into my miso soup.

“I’m just borrowing who and what she was. Crouching unsightly in her body.”

Steam drifted up from the bowl, blurring my reflection.

“I can’t stand it, damn it! Her body turns me on too much!” I screamed, mortified.

“You’re not the only one,” Rui said, blushing.

“... I agree that I can’t be Susumu anymore,” I whispered. “It has to be something different… Natalia-sama and I talked about it earlier, but… I still don’t know who or what I should be.”

Rui stood and leaned over me, poking my chest… right between my breasts, of course, making my whole face go scarlet. Her finger traced slow circles as she smirked, making them jiggle.

“Hey!” I slapped her hand away, covering my chest, blushing even more furiously.

Ume, getting a whiff of the scent of my heated up blood, actually swooned on the spot and immediately stole a piece of fish off Akuchi’s plate like it was a tribute.

Akuchi froze for half a second… then lunged to reclaim it. “NO TAKE BACKS!”

The two of them devolved into a silent moe-like tug-of-war over her poor fish fillet, teeth bared, chopsticks locked like dueling blades.

“You’re a girl now,” Rui said simply to me, putting a foot on the low table for extra authority. “Inside and out.”

My breath caught.

Rui’s expression softened in a way she rarely showed. “We had a rough start because you looked like a guy… because you were one. I dumped all my hatred toward men onto you back then. I even kicked you several times in your…” She grimaced. “Anyway… I hurt you a lot back then. I’m… sorry.”

The apology hit harder than her punches and slaps ever had.

“As we raced to get your humanity back,” she continued quietly, “I started easing up on you. Not on men in general.” Her eyes flicked to mine, earnest and direct. “You. You never acted like them, not once. Not in the ways that make me want to bust balls.” She swallowed. “Even when you were a gross and creepy Noh-face, you still held back when I hurt you. You didn’t have to spare me, but you did. You’re not violent like me and Reiko-chan.”

My throat tightened. I didn’t know what to say to her.

“I started thinking that,” Rui said, “...that if you had been born with my body, you’d fit it better than I ever did. Do you get what I’m trying to say?” She poked my chest again, without jiggling my boobs this time.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to slap her hand away again.

“You aren’t Reiko-chan, and that’s fine. What she gave you… it doesn’t look unnatural on you at all. It sits right on you.” She tilted her head as though she didn’t get it herself. “Anyway, I’d resent it if you were actually a guy on the inside. I’d have hated your guts for wearing her skin.”

“How do you know all that’s true for sure? I’m just a…” I muttered.

“It’s simple, baka.” She seized my face and gazed into my eyes, smiling. I looked into her eyes, my eyes moistening. “Just like that. Look at those eyes. When you look into other people’s eyes, it’s all right there to see.”

As she stared at me she flushed for whatever reason and looked away. “That’s all I had to say.” She plopped herself down and shoveled rice into her mouth, holding the little bowl in her palm.

Akuchi, still locked in mortal combat with Ume over that single piece of fish that was so important to them both, suddenly perked up.

“I agree with you. For once,” she sniffed. “As for a name… it has to be an A-name like mine!” She pointed one chopstick toward the ceiling, like she was declaring a universal law, and promptly lost her fish to a hungry Ume, who quickly devoured it in a single elegant chomp with far too much moe energy.

Akuchi stared at her in horror, then muttered the rest at first, gaining strength as she went, sounding almost like a zealot by the end. “... A-names are the best. In any alphabetized list, you go first. No…” Her eyes gleamed. “Not just an A-name. An A-plus name!”

Rui stared at Akuchi flatly. “The letter her name starts with doesn’t matter. What matters is whether the name has the right spirit!”

Akuchi ignored her entirely, her eyes still glittering with unshed tears over her tragic fishy loss.

“How about Asuna, Akane, or Asuka?” she said quickly, like she was laying choices on the table. “Asuna is tomorrow. Akane is deep red. Asuka is tomorrow’s fragrance.”

Rui pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. “Asuna means vegetable, baka. Akane means madder plant. And you still left out half the kanji combinations for Asuka.” She paused, then added, almost against her will, “But… I like the sound of Asuka. It’s a strong name that suits her.”

“Vegetables are essential for health,” Akuchi sniffed. “And plants are beautiful. My naming sense is superior to yours.”

“Shut UP! I literally just agreed with you… partially!” Rui shot back. “As for your sadsack name, Akuchi-chan… you named yourself after bad luck and drunk tanuki folklore!” She smirked as though she’d already won.

Akuchi stiffened and barked, puffing up. “Wrong! It means wealth from God! You couldn’t hope to have such an auspicious name! And Master should have an equally auspicious name,” she huffed.

“I’m NOT YOUR MASTER! Stop doing that!” I yelled.

Akuchi flinched.

“BAKA!” Rui roared, stabbing her finger at Akuchi and pouncing on the opening. “My name literally means famous ruler… AND auspicious or good omen!” She delivered it like she was dropping a mic.

Akuchi stared at her for a long, stunned moment… then toppled sideways in utter defeat, sobbing.

Rui flashed me a tiny victory sign with two fingers and winked.

I went back to eating, relaxing a little, although I felt bad for Akuchi. I didn’t mean to reject her or anything like that.

But it wasn’t long before Akuchi sat up again and doubled down. Sweatdrops. I watched them continue to bicker over my name. I couldn’t help feeling a weird warmth in my chest as a smile tugged at the corners of my mouth.

Asuka…

Akane…

Asuna…

Names that leaned toward the future, color, and charm that my life had lacked.

Would Reiko laugh at me for picking any of those? Would she approve? Would she mercilessly tease me?

Natalia tapped her chopsticks lightly against her bowl, drawing our attention without raising her voice.

“For what it’s worth,” she said thoughtfully, “I have a suggestion of my own.”

We all looked at her.

Her eyes rested on me, soft and appraising, as though she were seeing something beyond the jacket and skirt and my trembling hands.

“I was thinking,” she said, “that Sumire would suit you best.”

My breath caught.

“Sumire…?” I echoed softly.

The name sat strangely on my tongue...

“Well, it’s really close to my original name. I like that.” It sounded vaguely similar, warmer than my original name, but it also sounded way more elegant than I actually was.

“It’s a violet flower that I’m fond of,” Natalia explained gently. “small and delicate. It often grows in rubble or in the cracks between stones… places most people tend to overlook.”

Her blue eyes drifted toward the edge of the rooftop garden, where a few hardy violet blossoms pushed up between the arranged rocks.

“I’ve always had a soft spot for flowers like these,” she added. “In folklore, the name is tied to modesty… and rebirth.”

Rebirth. I gasped.

My fingers tightened around my chopsticks.

A flower that grew in rubble.

In what was left after everything collapsed—and still, somehow, it flourished.

More tears slipped down my cheeks and dotted the table.

“You’re right…” My voice rasped, trembling. “R-Rui-chan… This isn’t just an accident.”

The words I’d heard in my own head echoed back at me.

“This isn’t some temporary arrangement. I… I can’t keep running away from it. She did this to save me.”

I lifted my gaze. Everyone was watching me… their faces gentle and open.

Suddenly I felt so fragile I could crumble with a breath.

“Do… Do you all really… see me as a girl? Is that even realistic?”

The tears kept leaking, unstoppable.

Asuka, Akane, Asuna… tomorrow, red, fragrance.

Sumire… a violet blooming in ruins.

Silence sat over the table.

Only their smiles answered me… they didn’t look away…

…and soon their eyes glazed with tears.

“I… I’m… I don’t know what to do with all of this,” my throat worked. “I don’t know yet,” I whispered. “I don’t know who I am yet… who I will be… but… thank you.”

Rui leaned in, her eyes fierce. “Then we’ll find out together,” she said. “License or not. Name or not. We’ll figure it out, Susu.”

Ume smiled at me over the rim of her teacup, her eyes bright.

Akuchi puffed her cheeks. “I still vote for A-names,” she grumbled. “But… Sumire isn’t bad... For an S.”

Natalia-sama poured me more tea, her tail swaying in a slow, steady rhythm.

“That makes her an S-rank threat. They always outrank A-ranks,” Rui pointed out.

Akuchi’s eyes widened. “It’s a good thing you’re an R then.”

“I’m a Shinohara! That’s a BIG S!” Rui grinned, clenching a fist like some kind of little heroine.

Ume nodded earnestly, giggling at Rui. “I thought Asuka sounded nice, but Sumire is much more elegant. Very much befitting her. Plus we can keep calling her Susu that way… just like how we call you RuiRui.” She winked at Rui.

“Wouldn’t that be Sumi?” Akuchi suggested.

“Nah… that’d be too much like Sumo. I’ll only call her that if she gets too fat on Ume’s cooking.” Rui smirked.

“I’ll do my best to keep my cooking healthy and lower in calories then.~” Ume nodded, beaming.

“No need to decide this instant,” Natalia-sama said. “We have a week before the exams… and a report to make. Consider the matter, Susu. But let it settle in your mind.”

I lifted my cup, the steam curling around my face.

I had already made my choice.

Sumire.

It sat in the wreckage of my heart like a delicate flower’s seed.

Not yet sprouted.

With infinite potential.