Shattered Sanity

In the few days where Garron was absent from Ashfang Village, the lives of all the students suddenly became extremely difficult, as although nobody had realized it until then, it was only after the supply of Red Aether Pills abruptly stopped that the children finally understood just how dependent they had become on them.

Because over the previous three weeks, every single day had begun with an Aether Pill, followed by hours of circulating Aether throughout their bodies while training under Garron’s supervision, and although most of them had viewed the pills merely as a painful part of the training process, their bodies had quietly grown accustomed to receiving that daily influx of energy.

So now, without it, something felt wrong.

Many children found themselves unusually irritable.

Others struggled to focus for more than a few minutes at a time.

Some became restless and spent hours pacing around their homes without understanding why, while others found themselves constantly touching the centre of their chests, as though searching for something that was no longer there.

Even sleep became more difficult.

Children who had spent the previous weeks collapsing into bed from exhaustion now found themselves lying awake late into the night with scattered thoughts racing through their minds.

The strangest symptom of all, however, was the growing sense of emptiness.

Because after spending weeks circulating Aether every day, many recruits had become accustomed to feeling that warmth flowing through their bodies, and once it disappeared, the absence itself became impossible to ignore, as it felt as though a piece of them had gone missing.

Naturally, Riven was no exception to this rule, as just like the other students, he found himself becoming increasingly agitated as the days passed, as despite trying his best to maintain his usual routine, nothing seemed capable of filling the void left behind by the missing pills.

Every morning, he still woke up before sunrise.

He still exercised until his muscles trembled.

He still pushed himself through endless sets of push-ups, sit-ups, squats, lunges, and short sprints around the rear of the brothel, because after finally discovering a path toward strength, the thought of wasting even a single day felt unbearable to him.

However, no matter how hard he trained, the experience felt completely different from before, because without Aether circulating through his body, every exercise suddenly felt hollow.

The familiar sense of progress was gone.

The strange feeling of power growing within him was gone, and in its place remained only exhaustion.

’Why does this feel so pointless?’

Riven wondered repeatedly throughout the day, as sweat poured down his face while he forced himself through exercise after exercise.

Logically, he understood that training still benefited him.

His muscles were still being strengthened.

His endurance was still improving.

Yet without the presence of Aether, every repetition felt significantly less rewarding than before.

’I wonder if Garron has hidden a stash of those red pills in his house?’

He wondered, as the thought of breaking into Garron’s residence gradually evolved from a passing curiosity into a genuine temptation that resurfaced throughout the day, because no matter what he did, he could not seem to rid himself of the constant urge to obtain another pill.

’What’s happening to me? Why am I behaving like the alcoholics who can’t go a few hours without their ale?’

Riven wondered, as the realization unsettled him deeply.

Under normal circumstances he would never have seriously entertained something so reckless, however over the course of those three days, he found himself returning to the idea again and again despite knowing full well that being caught would almost certainly end with Garron, or some other villager, beating him half to death.

’I know stealing is bad.... But without that pill, I don’t think I can bear Hagrid anymore....’

Riven thought, as he began noticing subtle changes in his behaviour that were difficult to ignore, as emotions that he normally kept buried beneath layers of caution and self-control gradually became harder and harder to suppress.

Lately, whenever Hagrid insulted him, the words lingered in his mind for far longer than they usually would, while every order the cripple barked seemed to irritate him enough to almost provoke a response, as even the sound of the old man’s voice was sometimes enough to make his jaw tighten involuntarily.

’I want to kill him! I just want to strangle him so bad!’

Riven thought, as several times throughout those three days, he found himself staring toward Hagrid from a distance and fantasizing about killing him, as the resentment he carried toward the cripple began feeling almost impossible to contain.

By the time the third night finally arrived, he found himself lying awake beneath his blanket while staring into the darkness above, listening to Hagrid’s faint snoring echo through the brothel as increasingly dangerous thoughts drifted through his mind.

As for the first time in his life, he seriously found himself considering whether he should simply walk into Hagrid’s room and kill him while he slept, because the frustration, agitation, and anger that had been steadily accumulating over the previous three days had reached a point where he desperately wanted an outlet.

’I... I need to do something, or I’ll burst!’

He thought, as he felt an overwhelming need to release the pressure building inside him, while every passing hour seemed to make the sensation more difficult to endure.

Thankfully for him though, reason ultimately prevailed, as even in that agitated state he still understood that killing Hagrid now would accomplish nothing except guaranteeing his own death shortly afterward.

And so, while the thoughts of murder continued lingering in the back of his mind, he ultimately remained where he was and forced himself to endure them in silence.

’Please come back tomorrow, Garron...’

He prayed silently instead, as by that point he no longer viewed the Red Aether Pills as merely another component of his training, but rather as something his mind had gradually begun believing it could no longer function without.