Genshin Impact: Spoiling the Future

[”Hu Tao says: ’Specifically, the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor will prioritize requests from the Adventurers’ Guild, and the first batch will come with a gift of one hundred specially made wooden boxes.’”]

Great, one sentence and adventurers have to die a hundred people first; otherwise, those boxes won’t get used up.

If they don’t get used up, that won’t do. If the boxes aren’t used, wouldn’t the promotional offer go to waste?

[”’And, and! We support on-site retrieval services! Our business covers most areas of Liyue. Some dangerous regions require an additional fee, but—rest assured, it’s very cheap!’”]

This actually sounds somewhat useful, but adventurers really don’t want to need it.

Speaking of which, who’s in charge of this retrieval service? Zhongli? If it’s him…

Liyue residents say: This service actually has some appeal. Can we pay extra to have the Geo Archon carry me back in a princess hold? Even as a corpse would do!

This service is probably something Xiao would want to buy—not to have Zhongli personally ’escort’ him, but because he’s unsure where he might die.

If someone could bring him back to Wangshu Inn after his death, it would be like his soul finding a home, right?

[”Hu Tao continues: ’Think about it: when you’re out and about, you’re bound to encounter dangers. There’s a saying called ”preparing for a rainy day,” and that’s exactly what this is about.’”]

But this isn’t ”preparing for a rainy day”; this is ”one step to the finish line.”

[”Katheryne: ’Even if we need to prepare, it would be for things related to adventuring safety. Please leave.’”]

Readers note: Suddenly, someone speaking so normally makes everyone feel like it’s abnormal.

She’s absolutely right. Even if preparations are needed, it can’t be preparing a ”coffin fund,” right? How is Katheryne so normal?

[”Hu Tao: ’Hey, wait! W-Well, how about another discount! If ten people sign up at once, you get a 30% discount!’”]

Great, now ten people have to die at once to qualify.

At this rate, those hundred boxes might actually get used up.

[”Old Meng: ’Hall Master! That’s enough, that’s enough. If this goes on, the Millelith will come again.’”]

’Again.’ To the Millelith, Hall Master Hu is also a ’regular customer.’

Hu Tao exclaims: ”They won’t agree even with such a high discount?”

”Could it be because there’s no exquisite picture book by Little Lucian included?” Hu Tao falls into thought.

Lucian lightly taps Hu Tao with a hand chop: ”Forget about my exquisite picture book; even your photo album wouldn’t work.”

Hu Tao pouts. Why can’t the hall master experience the feeling of a ’successful sale’?

This is just because Hu Tao inherited the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. Otherwise, she’d really be suited to be a salesperson; that thick skin could at least make her a sales champion.

In the story, Hu Tao is rejected and has no choice but to return to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor with the Traveler.

On the way back to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, Hu Tao is still saying:

[”’Whatever you’re unwilling to face, it’s bound to happen sooner or later.’”]

Readers fall silent. Hu Tao is right; this is indeed bound to happen. Everyone dies eventually.

But everyone is rather ’rational’ and doesn’t want to ’spend ahead of time.’

[”Hu Tao: ’Sigh, looks like we’ll have to keep using the old method.’”]

The old method Hu Tao refers to is writing ’advertising slogans’ and hanging them on a wooden board.

Besides the advertising slogans, the wooden board has many blank wooden plaques. After seeing the slogans, people can write their requests on the plaques.

For example, how they want to die—civil funeral or martial funeral. A civil funeral gets an obituary; a martial funeral goes straight to cremation!

This old method got an upgrade after Lucian arrived because Lucian can draw. The wooden board became prettier, with Lucian painting a picture of Hu Tao posing in a ’please sit’ gesture.

To be honest, among all the methods Hu Tao has tried, only this one, used by generations of hall masters, is the most reliable.

No one knows how Hu Tao’s advertising slogans were written, but at least after Lucian came, they became:

’Have you died today? If you died, come to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor! Once in a lifetime, no second choice!’

’Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, providing your forever home. (Hu Tao makes a heart gesture)’

Unfortunately, the effect is still poor. Lucian clearly drew Hu Tao’s expression pack very cutely, so why didn’t it work? This puzzles Hu Tao greatly.

Hu Tao also tried plastering advertisements all over the streets, but they were cleaned up by the Millelith.

Then she held a ”Wangsheng One-Day Experience Event,” but unsurprisingly, no one showed up.

Understandably, with a name like that, who would want to participate? Who knows if they’d make it back home alive after the experience?

There’s also what happened earlier—discussing with others, which Hu Tao calls ”business expansion,” even offering discounts like buy one get one free.

Unfortunately, none of these methods worked well. In the end, the method used by generations of hall masters is the most effective. Perhaps this is why the ancestral law cannot be changed.

To be fair, didn’t Zhongli participate in the ”Wangsheng One-Day Experience Event”? Lucian even thought of a new advertising slogan:

’Don’t you think the Geo Archon is cool? Want to be like him?’

’Then hurry to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor to experience the same Wangsheng experience as the Geo Archon!’

Of course, saying it’s the same can only mean a similar process. To achieve the exact same ’authentic material’ would be a bit too costly.

In the story, Hu Tao starts reflecting, but she’s not reflecting on whether her promotional behavior is problematic. Instead, she’s reflecting on how she focused on giving benefits to new customers and neglected old customers.

Readers are full of question marks. Your profession has old customers?

[”Hu Tao: ’If you just plainly give things away, people won’t feel like they’ve ”earned something.”’”]

Everyone is speechless. How could anyone feel like they’ve earned something? They’re about to die.

[”Hu Tao continues: ’But that’s the problem! If you can’t convey that feeling, there won’t be any repeat customers.’”]

[”Old Meng: ’Re… repeat customers…?’”]

Readers: Re… repeat customers?

What’s that supposed to mean? One burial isn’t enough; they have to be revived and buried again?

Geo Archon! Quick, die again!

Speaking of repeat customers, readers think of the only possible repeat customer, Zhongli.

By the way, isn’t the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor busy with things? The hall master is running around everywhere, so where’s Zhongli?

The guest consultant is off slacking somewhere, the hall master herself is pondering advertising slogans, and Old Meng is in charge of writing.

[”Hu Tao: ’Write it like this: ”Wangsheng Funeral Parlor’s periodic grand sale: buy one get one free, buy two get three free, the more you buy, the more you get!”’”]

Readers take a look: Buy two, get three free—five people dead at once, a whole family wiped out.

[”’Hehe, I’m very satisfied. It’s much better than the old cold and chilly slogans! It’ll definitely touch people’s hearts!’”]

Indeed, it’s not cold and chilly anymore. From now on, anyone who buys Wangsheng Funeral Parlor services will have to check their family tree three generations back, just in case they’re the one being ’gifted.’

Now, everyone feels the ’fire’ is about to burn right to their feet—very warm indeed.

===✧✦✧===

Character Voice Line · Zhongli: About the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor’s Work

”I usually handle teaching newcomers and passing down funeral rite experience, not slacking off.”