The Royal Military Academy's Impostor Owns a Dungeon [BL]

Not even a day into being reborn, and here they were.

Killian immediately tried moving again.

”I have to—”

Only for several of the Elders to stop him before he could throw himself into what would’ve almost certainly been a terrible idea.

”It isn’t safe.”

”But she’s—”

”We know.”

Elder Pao Xi understood exactly what the young official wanted to say.

”But you also need to remember something.”

His eyes remained fixed on the tiny Queen floating before the guardian beast.

”In terms of spiritual rank... she actually outclasses you.”

Killian’s jaw tightened.

He hated how true that was.

She looked so unbelievably small.

So fluffy.

So fragile.

Yet at the end of the day...

She was still an evolved spiritual beast. A Queen at that.

Just as the two beasts seemed ready to collide for a second time, everyone suddenly heard an incredibly loud—

THWACK!

The sharp sound instantly drew every pair of eyes in the clearing.

Including Tortie’s.

Including the little Queen’s.

Apparently, sometime while everyone else had been completely absorbed in watching the impending clash, Luca had quietly hurried over to what he believed was the source of the entire incident.

To most people, that decision would’ve seemed rather unusual.

But as someone who’d grown up in an orphanage, how could he not have picked up on what adults almost always did whenever children started fighting over the same thing?

Naturally, anyone who could’ve overheard that line of reasoning would’ve probably choked.

Children?

Just where, exactly, did Luca see children in those two overwhelmingly terrifying beings?

Yet to the dungeon owner, whose spiritual rank seemed to grant him a surprising degree of resistance to the crushing pressure they were releasing, that’s exactly what it looked like.

One child simply happened to be unimaginably old...

...while the other had barely been born.

More importantly, with Tortie being a literal ancestral legend, Luca couldn’t shake the feeling that the guardian beast had never truly intended to pulverize the little Queen. If he genuinely wanted to, there was no reason someone as experienced as Tortie would’ve allowed the confrontation to continue this long.

And so, convinced that the real problem wasn’t each other but whatever they were both trying to reach, Luca settled on the simplest solution he could think of.

Which was how Luca eventually found himself standing directly in front of the opened storage box, positioned squarely between the two opposing sides, with his husband on one side... and, apparently, even his father on the other, who looked fully prepared to crawl over if that was what it took to reach him.

Without a moment’s hesitation, he grabbed the heavy lid with both hands and slammed it shut with enough force for the impact to echo across the clearing.

Then, planting both palms firmly atop the box as though personally standing guard over whatever lay inside, the dungeon owner puffed out his cheeks before loudly declaring,

”No fighting!”

Nobody spoke.

”If anyone fights...” Luca continued with complete seriousness.

”I’ll eat everything inside this box myself!”

”...”

”?!”

The clearing fell completely silent.

Several people slowly turned toward Luca.

Then toward the box.

Then back toward Luca again.

He’d...

Eat it?

Honestly, nobody knew how they were supposed to react to such an outrageous threat.

But ridiculous or not...

It worked.

Instantly.

The little Queen stopped gathering spiritual energy.

Tortie relaxed almost immediately.

Even the shriveled sprite quit struggling against the guardian beast’s tendril, as though the possibility of Luca carrying out that terrifying declaration had completely eclipsed everything else.

Just like that, the catastrophe fizzled out before anyone had the chance to witness what would’ve happened had two high-ranking spiritual beasts actually fought each other.

Unfortunately for the two troublemakers...

The battle ending didn’t mean they were off the hook.

Because judging by the look in Luca’s eyes, they’d merely exchanged one terrifying confrontation for something arguably much worse.

A disciplinary session.

And somewhere inside the little chipmunk’s increasingly creative mind, the concept of a get-along shirt had just become a very real possibility.

__

Now, while one redhead slept soundly through the entire ordeal, blissfully unaware of everything that’d transpired, and while countless forces elsewhere continued trying to dig up information on one suddenly in-demand Chief of Staff, a rather different scene was unfolding inside the dungeon space.

Namely...

Why, instead of returning to their scheduled mecha manufacturing lessons, was an entire gathering of otherwise sensible people currently attempting, yes, attempting, to lecture a baby Queen bee, an ancient guardian beast, one formerly demonic goat, one thoroughly restrained chicken, and a remarkably demure dairy cow who, upon realizing she’d willingly joined the uprising, somehow managed to shock everyone more than anything else that’d happened today?

Honestly, Queen Lulu sitting in timeout felt even more surreal to Killian than realizing he’d been perfectly prepared to receive a certain someone’s lips not all that long ago.

Right behind that mind-boggling revelation, however, came the discovery that this entire catastrophe had apparently stemmed from the mysterious storage box they’d opened earlier.

For inside...

Surprise, surprise...

Were several neatly packed blocks of Luxury Pet Food.

Pet.

Fucking.

Food.

Killian had actually crouched down on the grass, one hand covering his face while the other rested on his knee, trying very hard to laugh the absurdity out of his system before the accumulated stress rendered him prematurely bald.

Just moments ago, his kid had been fully prepared to throw herself into battle against a literal ancient guardian beast over pet food. If someone had described that sequence of events to him yesterday, he’d probably have recommended immediate psychiatric evaluation.

”Someone tell me what kind of drugs they’ve put in there for even Queen Lulu to break out!”

Duke Leander sounded genuinely betrayed.

Billy the Buck?

Understandable.

Pan-pan?

Expected.

A full-scale chicken uprising?

Frankly, that’d been a disaster waiting to happen.

But Queen Lulu?

Their gentle, elegant, almost saintly Queen Lulu?

How?

More importantly...

Why?

Well, the answer became painfully obvious the moment Luca so much as reached toward the storage box again.

Sitting shoulder to shoulder in what had unanimously been declared their timeout, the little Queen, Tortie, Billy, Pan-pan, and Queen Lulu all immediately stiffened before adopting remarkably guilty expressions. It was almost convincing too, had it not been for the fact that every few seconds, one pair of eyes after another would quietly drift back toward the box as though checking whether anyone had forgotten it existed.

Curious, Luca rested both hands on the lid before carefully lifting it no more than the width of a finger.

Instantly.

Five heads snapped toward the opening.

The little Queen’s wings immediately buzzed faster, Billy pawed impatiently at the ground, Pan-pan flattened herself into an unmistakable launching stance despite still being restrained, Tortie’s tendrils subtly reached forward, and, perhaps most shocking of all, Queen Lulu actually leaned toward the box with unmistakable anticipation shining in her normally gentle eyes.

The dungeon owner silently lowered the lid again.

Thwack.

Almost comically, the entire lineup immediately looked elsewhere as if bored.

Billy suddenly found the clouds fascinating.

Pan-pan stared at absolutely nothing or maybe someone’s soul.

Queen Lulu even blinked with what could only be described as practiced innocence.

Luca narrowed his eyes.

He opened the lid again.

Exactly the same thing happened.

Five pairs of eyes locked onto the opening.

Five increasingly unhinged expressions appeared.

Five spiritual beasts looked moments away from collectively committing crimes.

Though in truth, it would’ve been six pairs had the Minister’s sprite still had enough energy to even sit in time-out.

Thwack.

The lid shut.

Five heads politely turned away once more.

The little chipmunk repeated the process several more times just to convince himself that he wasn’t imagining things before finally letting out one long, exhausted sigh.

No...

Apparently every single one of them really had been after the exact same thing.

”Elders,” Luca finally asked, still keeping both palms firmly planted atop the lid as though personally guarding the contents from the increasingly suspicious gathering before him, ”is this even safe for them?”

He genuinely looked conflicted.

”I reckon we’d have to give some to the little sprite because that honestly seems more like a necessity than a reward.” His eyes drifted toward the wrinkled little raisin, who looked as though merely smelling the contents had already restored some life to its tiny body. ”But what about everyone else? Would this actually be good for them?”

It was an honest concern.

Animals generally had specialized diets, didn’t they?

Yet somehow all five had nearly reduced an entire clearing to rubble over what looked suspiciously like flavored tofu in the eyes of a Tesserian.

”I tried checking it myself,” Luca continued thoughtfully. ”Like D-29, I don’t really sense anything wrong with it. Sure, it’s packed with spiritual energy, but I’d honestly expect that from something costing one hundred thousand CP a box.”

He tried not to focus on the memory because just mentioning the price was enough for his penny-pinching heart to squeeze.

So instead, he looked toward Tortie.

”I’ve just... never seen him react like this before. Not since his first unlimited lettuce buffet.”

The Elders seemed to take a moment to think, but eventually said, ”It must be something that is only known to spiritual beasts since we too can’t seem to sense anything unusual.”

”Wait.”

Ollie slowly raised one hand.

”As in...” He pointed toward Billy first, then Queen Lulu, and finally toward Pan-pan, who still hadn’t stopped stealing glances at the storage box. ”Spiritual beasts?”

He frowned.

”For the love of everything holy... are these three spiritual beasts too?”

”Definitely heading that way,” Elder Wei answered without the slightest hesitation. ”Considering how long they’ve remained inside the dungeon space, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they eventually started vocalizing.”

”!!!”

Ollie’s eyes immediately widened.

”Brother!”

He turned toward Luca with unmistakable alarm.

”If you feed them that... they won’t suddenly start talking, right?”

Unfortunately...

Luca had absolutely no answer for that.

Instead, after clearing his throat, the dungeon owner folded his arms and looked toward the five guilty troublemakers sitting shoulder to shoulder in their timeout.

”Well,” he said with all the seriousness he could muster, ”since all of you clearly understand what you’ve done...”

He pointed firmly toward the imaginary punishment corner.

”It pains me to have to do this but you’ll stay in your get-along shirt for one whole hour.” He said it as he showed them a shirt that even traumatized his well-meaning and already oh so supportive husband.

Uhm...

No wonder Queen Lulu visibly drooped.

Billy lowered his head.

Pan-pan clicked her beak once in protest.

Even Tortie looked faintly disappointed but ever so unbelievably outraged.

Unsurprisingly, none of them had the faintest idea what a get-along shirt actually was.

Apparently, however, the design alone was enough to thoroughly discourage everyone present...

...everyone except the baby Queen Bee, who merely tilted her head at it with bright, fascinated eyes.

Perhaps the little one would need her eyesight checked.

Still, the golden-eyed cadet who didn’t think any of their reactions simply held up the threatening thing with pride.

”And only after showing good behavior,” Luca continued without backing down, ”will everyone receive their treat.”

It honestly seemed like the most reasonable punishment available.

After all, they’d interrupted treatment for the poor wrinkled raisin, nearly demolished the medical bay, attempted and somehow succeeded in prison breaking, and upon seeing each other, wanted to unbelievably start another fight.

Surely...

An hour of timeout wasn’t unreasonable.

”...”

Then again...

After watching what happened to Minister Kordell’s sprite after eating only a single serving of that pet food...

Luca quietly wondered whether perhaps he ought to make it three hours instead.