Naruto : Venom

Before I knew it a week was up.

”Oi. Kid. Why are you following me around now?” Jiraya asks.

That’s right, I am following him everywhere he goes to try and stop Tsunade from poisoning him. I’m going to try and have him at his best when he fights Orochimaru. Maybe then Jiraya can kill him.

”You’re cramping my style!”

”Whatever. Not going to make me go away.” I need Jiraya to be at his best. If I keep Jiraya at 100% then he might kill Orochimaru and that will solve a ton of problems for me, most notably Sasuke won’t go to him for power. He’ll stay in Konoha where he belongs.

All that and I want Orochimaru dead.

”Fine! Don’t expect me to change what I’m doing just because a kid is around.”

”Go drinking, go whoring I don’t care.”

His face lights up. ”Well if you insist, I hear there’s a lovely bath house in this town.”

Oh Kami. He wants to go spying on women. Is killing Orochimaru worth this?

...

”Hehe! Very nice!” Jiraya furiously scribbles something down on a notepad. ”Very nice indeed.”

Why am I putting up with this?

”Whoa! Now that’s an idea!”

I have three options. First: Do nothing and let Jiraya continue on with this ridiculousness.

”Hmm... I could work with that. Maybe change the hair color though, she needs a bit more of a kick to her, something to make her unique. A nice green would do.”

Second: Alert the women he’s spying on and watch as justice is delivered.

”That is one hell of a tattoo! I have to use that!”

Third: I could-

”Hey Alvarcus, why don’t you join me?” That. I could do that. ”You’re really missing out!”

It’s time to decide. Option 1, 2 or 3. Do I allow this to continue, do I become a hero or join the dark side? Honestly I don’t even know why I’m asking myself all these things, I knew the answer before we even got here.

I get up from my spot and move over next to Jiraya. ”Budge over.”

”I said join me not take my spot! Find your own eye hole!” Jiraya shoves me away from him without looking away from the hole in the wall.

”Wait a minute, what the hell am I doing?”

”Aww, don’t back out now kid! I’m just starting to like you!”

”No, not that. I don’t need an eye hole.” I have the perfect combination of techniques for this. My chakra strings and Eyes of the Damned. I can arc a string over the wall with an eye on the end of it and have the best view in the house. Hell I could potentially have any view in the house!

”What are you talking about?”

”Just trying to figure out what view I want.” I extend an eyeball string out of my back. ”Whoa. Still gotta get used to the new visual input.”

Jiraya pulls his face away from the wall for a second to see what I’m talking about. ”That’s a floating eye. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that’s an eye on a chakra string. How on earth did you do that?”

”Trade secret.” I may not have any qualms about joining him, but I’m not going to give this tool to him. That would be a major mistake. ”You weren’t wrong about the string though.”

”I told you that you are obsessed with chakra strings. How many tricks do you have with them?”

”Good question. Let’s just say that I have a lot of them. I believe we were doing something?”

”Right you are! Glad to see you’re priorities are straight.” He shoves his face back against the wall and I arc the eyeball string over the wall.

”Whoa. That’s one crazy tattoo!”

”I know! Tell me what you think about the one with the black hair.”

...

”You know Alvarcus you’re not that bad.” Jiraya casually says. We eventually decided it was time for lunch so Jiraya dragged me off to a bar. ”At first I thought you would be a major pain in my ass.”

I shrug. ”I’m really low maintenance. Honestly the only reason I think I’m Kakashi-sensei’s favorite student is because I can teach myself. Sure he might need to demonstrate a thing or two but usually I can figure it out. I mean I figured out four elemental chakra changes on my own! And he only really taught me how to make a chakra string, I’ve come up with most of everything else for them. Hell even the ’you are the kunai’ idea was based off of what I already did.”

”You are the kunai idea?”

”Yeah I move myself instead of a kunai.”

”Ah! That’s how you got down to the stadium floor in the tournament.”

”You saw that? I thought you were off with Naruto, he never made it back to the contestant booth after his fight.”

”Yeah I did. What you did was impressive and inspirational. Tentacle Eyes! In fact I might base a scene off-”

”JIRAYA!” I can’t let this happen! Oh Kami what if he names the character that does it after me? I would never live it down. ”No! Draw the line somewhere!”

”What?” Jiraya’s confused, very confused. ”That genjutsu was impressive! Wouldn’t you want one of your moves to be immortalized in a glorious fight scene?”

”Oh.” I thought of something perverted that Jiraya the Super Pervert didn’t. ”I suppose that’s okay.”

Our waiter rescues me from that awkward conversation. ”You’re drinks. Food will be out soon.” He plonks down both of our drinks, they’re suspiciously the same color.

”Go on, drink up.” Jiraya urges me as he downs half his glass.

I’ve got a bad feeling about this, something feels very off. I raise my glass up and give a tentative sniff. Alcohol. That bastard spiked my drink.

”Consider that a thank you for not ratting me out to the ladies earlier.” Jiraya nods at my glass.

Okay, so he didn’t spike my drink. Well he did but he at least warned me about it. Still that’s pretty messed up I’m twelve! This could irreparably damage my liver or something. Oh wait, I don’t have a liver to damage.

”Thanks. I think?” I take a hearty swig. I forgot how bad this tastes. I wonder if I can even get drunk? ”I don’t know if it’ll work though, I’m kinda missing a liver and all that.”

”Want to find out?” Jiraya asks with a ridiculous grin. He’s trying to corrupt me. First the bath houses and now this? How irresponsible.

I think I like him, at first he was kind of a dick but he’s grown on me. Like a fungus. ”Only if you’re buying.”

...

”Do you have any idea how depressing it is to know that a twelve year old can drink me under the table?” Jiraya whines. ”Kami I bet you could out do Tsunade too.”

”Not my fault I can’t get drunk.” The Jiongu really does to everything better, I process the alcohol to fast. ”I’m going to be such a buzzkill at any party I go to. Who wants to party with the guy who can’t get drunk? Oh no, that means I’ll always be on babysitting duty.”

”I don’t think you realize how much money you cold make. Kid, you can probably out drink anyone and no one will expect that. Use it to your advantage.”

”You know... I’m not doing anything for the next few hours. Want to make some money? You be my hypeman and I’ll split the winnings 50/50.”

Jiraya grins. ”Depends. Can you act smashed?”

”Yes, yes I can.”

...

”COME ONE COME ALL! WHO WILL BE THE WINNER? WHO CAN DRINK MORE! AFTER TWELVE MEN AND WOMEN OUR CHAMPION IS STILL UNBEATEN!” Jiraya shouts out to the gathered crowd. I know I asked him to be my hypeman but this is ridiculous. ”WHO WILL BE THE NEXT CHALLENGER? ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PAY THE ENTRANCE FEE TO HAVE A SHOT AT THIS LOVELY RING!” Jiraya holds up a beautiful ring.

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, we’re scamming people over by promising them this ring if they can out drink me. I’m both impressed and horrified that Jiraya thought of this and is executing it so well.

”Therres a buuucket round here, riight?” I slur out. ”Hiccup! Imma need it soon.”

”I CHALLENGE HIM!” Fuck me, that’s not good. I know that voice.

”Tsuande no!” Oh hell they’re both here? ”We can’t waste time doing this!”

”Come on Shizune this will be the easiest money I’ve ever made! I’ll be getting paid to drink! It’s my dream job!”

”Jiraya!” I whisper shout to him.

”I know! Get the money!” He whispers back. ”SORRY FOLKS, THAT’S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR TODAY! WE’LL BE BACK TOMORROW!”

”I’ve got it all!” I whisper urgently to him.

”What are we still here for? Go go go!”

...

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