Rising Shards

When all the sporty things were taken care of, we were actually allowed some time to just hang out. The sun set over the field of flowers, a cool breeze countered by the bonfires the faculty and chaperones set up.

”I legally have to stand near this when students are around so please nobody try to jump it or anything,” Kara said as she handed each of us a stick and a handful of marshmallows. ”We have crackers and chocolate too but you can grab those yourselves.”

”See anything exciting while you were making the rounds?” I asked.

”Just some usual monsters, nothing too fun,” Kara said. ”But it is nice to get out in nature, I feel like I’ve been stuck in that school all day lately.”

”I hear ya there,” Kalei said.

A little ember from the fire leapt out, almost landing on my tail.

”Those of us with tails, keep them away from the flames please,” I said.

Marmalade laughed. ”I love that, doing an exaggerated version of how you normally sound trying to bait Kalei into making fun of you!”

”Er...sure. Let’s go with that,” I said.

”You don’t need to try to get me to make fun of you, Zates,” Kalei said.

Kalei seemed marginally less out of it than she had even just after her fight. Maybe she just needed that long nap? She and Marmalade had gone with Roux to go meet Roux’s new slime friend Raytris, who sat with us around the fire, now in a full humanoid form.

”Are you alright being close to the fire?” I asked.

Raytris reached her arm out, patting the flame. It went out like she doused it, but the flame just flowed through her arms before she set it back down with a ”woof” sound as it returned to its full fiery state.

”I see,” I said.

Around the bonfire I sat at was the usual crew of Oka, Kalei, Lillia, and Marmalade, along with Roux and Raytris. The bonfire next to us had Iris, Maia, Amara, Michi, Myles, Ash, and Sai. Both fires were close enough so we could all talk.

I noted that Amara sat with us and not the other love trio members. She was apparently taking their ’try to meet new people’ open relationship thing seriously enough that she wasn’t already back with them.

”Any luck?” I asked.

”I merely let everyone know my new status today,” Amara said, crinkling the soda can in her hands a bit. ”I’m not rushing into anything in particular.”

”From my experience, taking it slow is the way to go,” Oka said. ”Build a friendship first and see where it goes from there. But...given your situation, I don’t want to assume you’re looking for things the same exact way as me, so this may not apply at all.”

”I will consider this advice,” Amara said.

”Hey, Lillia’s single now, Amara, you should ask her!” Iris said.

”I literally just said I’m not rushing this,” Amara said.

”I think we’ve heard enough chatter of that variety today,” Oka said.

She hadn’t yet said how her day went dealing with Lillia’s news, but given that Lillia still sat by her, it must not have gone badly.

”Thank you,” Myles said. ”There’s a reason I’m sitting at this spot and not with anyone else.”

”Huh? Why’s that?” Oka asked.

”She got asked out to the dance like forty times today,” I said. ”So you putting a pin in chatter of that variety is a win for her.”

”And you’re the only ones that didn’t ask me out immediately,” Myles said. ”Well, I’m assuming your friends won’t either.”

”Nuh uh!” Oka grabbed my arm.

”If you ask me, Myles is coming on a bit strong with this whole thing,” Ash said, poking at the logs in the fire with a stick.

”Excuse me? What does that mean?” Myles said.

”I mean you being all grumpy ’ohhh, I don’t want to go to the dance, nobody ask me’ is gonna make people even more motivated to ask you.” Ash said.

”How does that make remotely any sense?” Myles said.

After our marshmallows and bonfire time, we spent some time quietly looking at the stars above. I wasn’t exactly sure how stars worked in the void, were we just looking out at an unfamiliar sky, in a world away? Was it just an illusion? Dr. Diast probably explained it in class, but I couldn’t remember. I finished the day feeling pretty satisfied as I went to my tent.

I had a solo tent, but my intuition that it wouldn’t stay solo long was correct, as Oka poked her head in a bit after lights out time.

”Howdy!” Oka said.

”You have any problems sneaking over?” I asked.

”Nah, I’m pretty stealthy when I wanna be,” Oka said, sitting right next to me, resting her head on my shoulders.

”So...I guess now’s a good time to ask...you get everything figured out?” I asked.

”Mhm!” Oka said. “Lillia and I had a fight, but we’re good now, but I did also have some big anxiety moments today that I swallowed down, and I think they’re still lingering, so...”

“So you need that main event comfort now,” I said.

“Yeah,” Oka said. ”Can I just. List all the fears at once?”

”That might be good,” I said.

”Alright,” she took a deep breath. ”Lillia got mad at me, it was my fault but it was still scary, she and Ko broke up, and that breaks my heart and even though I eventually figured out how to keep it together, it still gets me all anxious about us, then the love trio broke up, so I’m scared again that Amara’s gonna go for you…”

“OK, deep breaths,” I said. “The love trio didn’t really split, Amara said they’re just like…open now. And I talked to her, she didn’t go for me, she said she isn’t a ‘hussy.’”

Oka breathed in and out, a bit frantic at first, then more slowly.

”And I won’t leave you,” I hugged her. ”It’s like our talks before. I’m confident in our ability to get through the worry times.”

”Mhm,” Oka said, clinging to me tightly. “I’ll always fight for you.”

“Okaaaa, you’d fight for me?” I said.

“You know, I say that a lot, and you respond like that every time like it’s something new,” Oka said.

“It feels new every time,” I said.

”I like that,” Oka said. “I would kick Amara and Ko’s asses if they were vying for your affection.”

”Wow!” I said. ”Like, literally fighting, huh?”

”Yep,” Oka said.

”I don’t think you’ll need to do that,” I said. ”I don’t think either of us are on Ko’s radar, and if Amara genuinely asked me, I would decline. I’ve already said she’s not my type.”

”Selfishly, I like hearing how everyone else isn’t your type but me,” Oka said.

”I don’t think I’d want to date someone that would still put priority on the others? I don’t know how to put that,” I said.

”I get that,” Oka said. ”Lillia said she and Ko talked about maybe being poly. Going poly? Having a polycule? However you put it, to help with their issues.”

”It sounds like it’d be complicated,” I said.

”Yeah, they couldn’t come to terms on it,” Oka said. ”I told Lillia if anyone could make it work, it’d be her.”

”Definitely!” I said. I tried to choose my words carefully, but they kind of slipped out. ”This is probably the worst time to ask, but just as a hypothetical...”

”It’s fine, I think I know what you’re gonna say,” Oka said.

”I just had the thought today is all,” I said. ”Again, not saying I have anyone in mind, I’m not pitching this either, just that thinking about what Amara and the love trio are trying, and what you said about Lillia and Ko, do you think we’d ever be able to pull that off?”

I hoped I wouldn’t get her back into anxiety mode, but it was better to talk about it than to not. I blamed a really juicy Arlit polycule fanfic for having them on the mind, the love trio and Lillia and Ko situations contributed, but it was a fic that stuck with me.

“I’d say not right now, I’m having too much fun the way we are now,” Oka said. “I know I’m a ball of anxiety at the moment, but I do really enjoy this partnership we got going on.”

”That’s exactly it!” I said, feeling a curious relief, like comfort for something I didn’t know I was stressing about.

”But if the stars aligned in the future, I’m talking way out, it’d be something to consider, maybe?” Oka said.

”Like, a lot of considering time,” I said.

”A lot,” Oka said. “It would have to have a lot of stars aligned, too. Only if it didn’t mess with us. Only if it adds a ton of fun, exponentially more fun. That kind of thing.”

”Agreed,” I said. ”We’d have to set a lot of concrete rules and make sure what we have isn’t knocked out of sorts.”

”Exactly,” Oka said. She clinged to my arm more tightly.

”Did I accidentally make you jealous of hypothetical people in a hypothetical future polycule?” I asked.

”Maybe,” Oka said.

”Sorry,” I said. ”I had a bunch of fanfics downloaded for the trip that I’d been meaning to read, and the first one I got to was this Raina fanfic where she had a polycule with interesting dynamics, so it’s been in the back of my mind today even before all the friend drama.”

Oka shook, I thought she was crying or about to have another anxiety attack and was already shaking, but she was laughing. ”That’s so you, Zeta. You should send me that!”

”Or we could read some together, maybe...” I said. ”But fanfics and friend drama aside, I hope it’s not something to worry about now. And that we’ll keep on rocking like we’ve been doing.” I held my fist out to Oka. “I dunno, fist bump felt right after saying that.”

”It does, doesn’t it?”

As Oka bumped my fist, I grabbed her hands, adjusting my spot so we faced each other.

“C’mere,” I pulled her toward me.

Each time we’d gone through a talk like this, where Oka had panic flare up from some outside source, I got a little better at navigating it, I felt. Enough so that a list made it into my journal that I relied on at times like this.

How to console Oka when she’s worried about our future as girlfriends:

Don’t make jokes about it. The first time this happened, I was smart enough not to do this. The second time it happened, I had the bright idea to sarcastically say, “Well maybe we should break up!” in a goofy voice, which made Oka very upset.

Don’t fall into the same anxiety well. The third time this happened, I had a freakout about it too, ending with both of us basically screaming and crying until Kalei dumped a bucket of cold water on us to snap us out of it. She literally found a bucket, filled it with water, went to an ice dispenser in the dorms, and dumped it on us. We were so mad, but it did snap us out of it.

This one I couldn’t always predict or avoid. Oka and I are both highly anxious people, but sometimes one of us will be anxious about something the other isn’t for whatever reason. Sometimes Oka can be scared about our future while I feel fine, and sometimes I’d be right there with her. On the times I could see where my mental anxiety train was headed, I had to switch it to make sure we didn’t both end up in crashing into that well.

The next few were pretty obvious and were repeating what we’d said during these talks pretty much.

Listen and be empathetic. Remind her that even if we can’t predict the future, things have been going so well, so we shouldn’t dwell too much in worries. Comfort and console and try to fix what you can. Talking it out is always important.And then, for the camping trip, I added one more new step.

   Let her feel my boobs and/or butt. “U-um!?” Oka stammered as I held her hands against my chest.

“Thinking about your boobs makes me feel better, so I hope I have the same effect, heh...” I said. “And while you feel what you’re feeling, and feel those feelings process naturally, you can also feel these. Eh?”

“Zeta, that’s awful,” I said. “I love you.”

”I love you too,” I said.

“I’m gonna need this to be a long feeling session, if you don’t mind, Miss Faleur,” Oka said. 

”That’s fine by me,” I said.

“I’m gonna be honest, it’s like my worries melt away with every squeeze,” Oka said.