Eldritch Horror Theatre

It really was a deer, but at the same time, it wasn’t.

It sounded contradictory, but to Fu Qian, it was the perfect way to describe the situation.

The scene behind the door perfectly matched the noises he had heard from outside.

Inside the bizarrely shaped building, a deer was indeed curled up on the floor.

As Fu Qian opened the door, it lifted its eyelids and looked over.

Using a unit of length to describe the deer wasn’t a mistake—it really was one continuous stretch of a creature.

At the very front sat a massive head crowned by classic antlers that were even larger than the head itself.

Further down was a slender, elegant neck, followed by sturdy, powerful front hooves...

Sturdy, powerful front hooves...

Sturdy, powerful front hooves...Sturdy, powerful hooves that were impossible to distinguish as front or back...

That’s right. The deer’s body was wildly disproportionate to its head. At a glance, it looked as though more than ten deer had been stitched together end-to-end to reach this scale, and the sheer number of hooves was even more absurd.

Even in this spacious room, its massive body had to coil in an arc, clustering around that single head in the center.

Its own body wasn’t the only thing crowding the head. Disturbed by his arrival, the front half of the deer reared up as if standing guard against the intruders.

This movement revealed other deer faces embedded into its flesh from every direction. They formed a bizarre formation, all gazing outward to guard the main head at the top.

Why did everyone love this kind of aesthetic these days?

Taking in the chaotic sight, Fu Qian sighed.

As for why he said ”everyone”?

Not too long ago, he had encountered a similarly designed Serpent of Destiny.

The kicker was that neither of them was content to just be a normal animal, insisting on cramming in all sorts of weird elements.

Of course, the creature before him had one core defining trait: whether it was the head, legs, or body, it was obviously a handmade construct, not flesh and blood.

...

This thing was a true heavyweight, far more extreme than the previous two.

Fu Qian leaned toward classifying the thing in front of him as part of the doll ascension path.

But whether it was Airo or the Palm Reader, those two had only undergone prosthetic modifications. This thing seemed to have completely discarded the fragility of flesh and blood.

”Does the cart refer to its back?”

Fu Qian didn’t dwell too much on the moral implications, shifting his focus instead to the origin of the name.

The answer to his question about the deer’s back was quite obvious. A particular segment along its elongated body boasted a rather extraordinary skeletal structure.

It was noticeably thicker by several degrees, and right in the center of that bulge, a box was embedded into its back.

It was quite large, its lines perfectly square and rigid.

Yet, despite this completely unnatural geometric shape, a single glance confirmed that the box was the only piece of genuine flesh and blood in sight.

”Yes. When it opens, there will be different things inside.”

Just as Fu Qian was savoring the stark contrast, the Witch confirmed his guess.

It could even open?

Fu Qian clicked his tongue in admiration.

He had just been wondering how they were supposed to communicate, considering the creature didn’t exactly look like a bright conversationalist.

If the change the Witch was searching for was represented by whatever popped out of that box, things were much simpler.

As for how to get the box open, Fu Qian figured he didn’t need to worry about that at all—Ding!

Sure enough, right as she spoke, the Witch flicked an object out of her hand.

It made a crisp clinking sound, but Fu Qian could clearly see that the item wasn’t a coin. It looked more like a Bloodstained Fingernail.

It certainly wasn’t the Witch’s fingernail. The Pope was in a completely different state than him; all her fingers were perfectly intact.

Furthermore, the nail was simply too sharp, its shape distinctly non-human.

It seemed to have been conjured out of thin air, but Fu Qian wagered the Witch had prepared it long in advance.

After all, it was clearly a hit.

The Deer Cart—which had let out a few short calls and was glaring at them with obvious hostility—suddenly flared with excitement.

In the next second, its elongated body slithered forward like a reptile. It lunged at the flying object and swallowed it in a single gulp.

...

It really liked that.

Even without tasting it himself, Fu Qian could practically feel the Deer Cart’s immense satisfaction.

The moment it swallowed the Bloodstained Fingernail, the creature was filled with an exhilaration akin to discovering the meaning of life.

Despite being a non-biological construct, it shuddered with a profound ecstasy that even a living human would struggle to express. It was enough to make anyone worry that it might charge at them in the next second—Bang!

That wasn’t just Overthinking. The very instant the Deer Cart finished digesting, it launched into a full-blown charge, lunging right into the Witch’s face—before flying backward even faster.

Just as the thicket of dagger-like antlers reached within an arm’s length of the Witch, the creature’s head received a vicious, solid smack.

Wood chips exploded into the air alongside a dull thud that could never have come from a creature of flesh and blood.

”Is it always like this?”

Fu Qian tossed the shattered half of a wooden horse to the side, casually checking with the Witch.

That’s right. Seeing a lowly beast dare to offend the Pope, he, acting as her loyal Knight, had immediately sourced a weapon on the spot to dish out a little Chastisement.

He had to admit, the quality of that wooden horse had been quite impressive. It had an excellent heft to it.

”Always.”

The Witch’s tone was utterly certain. She hadn’t moved a muscle the entire time, keeping her eyes fixed on the Deer Cart as it scrambled back to its feet.

After being spared, the creature finally seemed to sober up a bit. It swayed dizzily, looking as though it could barely suppress its surging appetite.

Click!

Amidst another bout of bizarre swaying, the box on its back suddenly popped open.

...

Insert a coin, open the box. Very reasonable.

Fu Qian watched the magical scene unfold with immense interest.

The transaction process had been a bit rocky, but the overall progression felt incredibly familiar.

The unboxing was surprisingly elaborate, showing a lot of genuine effort.

It wasn’t just the top lid popping up. The entire box pushed itself up out of the creature’s back and peeled open, blooming outward like a flower.

And immediately after, something tumbled out from inside.

Was this—a ragdoll?

Fu Qian easily recognized it. It was an item that perfectly matched the aesthetic of this place.

Looking closely, it seemed completely ordinary, lacking any transcendent properties.

Ding—

The Witch didn’t look disappointed. A second later, she flicked out another fingernail.

”Disposing of the things that try to invade this place grants you some special feedback.”

As she did, she casually answered Fu Qian’s unspoken questions.

She opened her hand as she spoke, revealing three more identical fingernails resting in her palm.

”During my previous stay here, I tried condensing these. I discovered that this creature was extremely interested in them, and would even offer rewards in exchange.

”It yields a wide variety of rewards—eight types in total—and they drop in a fixed sequence. Most of them are ordinary objects with no transcendent properties, but a few are quite special.”

Just as the Witch finished speaking, another bizarre sound echoed through the room.

Compared to its previous frenzy, the Deer Cart was noticeably calmer this time. Without needing another beating, the box bloomed open once more.

”Hehehe...”

This time, the reward was clearly different. The item inside didn’t tumble out; instead, it let out a string of crisp, clear laughter.