Hare of Misfortune

Time slowed in Rachel’s quickening brain as she examined every inch of her mother’s appearance; everything she spotted only reinforced the heat rising up her throat, making Rachel’s thumping heart go wild.

It was the bags under her mom’s eyes and slightly smudged makeup. It was her light-blue button-up shirt that was opened up more than normal. It was the sleeves rolled back to the elbows, displaying agitated fingernail marks from the pressure she’d more than likely been bottling up inside.

Needles poked at Rachel’s arms when spotting the mismatched socks she wore, only just visible between her tight, black pants and white running shoes; it told her that the woman had thrown on whatever she found to rush to her, but it was her hair that made her choke up: messy, dark locks, half in an attempted braid, meaning she was getting ready for bed—and her only jewelry was her wedding ring.

”Mom, I...”

Her world spun as her mother latched onto her, making Rachel’s tongue catch in her throat at the Korean words she repeated.

”It’s my fault! It’s all my fault—look what I’ve done to you—why did I send you a-away?! It was too soon! It’s all my fault! I should have been there!”

”Mom, no...” Sniffing in her emotions, liquid falling down her own cheeks, Rachel pulled her in tighter. ”No, Mom—it’s not your fault! What are you talking about?”

”I’m so sorry, Sung-Hyo—I’m so sorry!”

World blurry, she looked up to see her father’s forced smile, brushing away a few tears himself while moving to support her mother and pull her away.

”Come now, Chan-hee... See? Our daughter has...gone through some changes, but she’s here.”

Her mother refused to let go, crying into her bust, and, swallowing her own emotions, Rachel nudged her head to one of the rooms that had been given to their parents to sleep in, which they’d refused until seeing her.

”It’s okay, Mom... It’s okay...”

Her dad opened the door, moving in to kiss her forehead and giving a reassuring smile before closing it to allow them privacy; she was shocked her dad had cried at all. It had been the first time she’d seen tears fall from his eyes or so much emotion on his face—but it touched her heart to see how much they cared for her.

Guiding her mom to the cushioned bench that allowed one to overlook the parking lot through the private room, she sat, forcing her mom to sit next to her as she continued to blame herself and babble unintelligibly; it took several minutes to get her to calm down, Rachel somewhat panicking at how fast her mother’s heart was beating.

Mateo stayed just outside the door, no doubt listening. He had a duty to fulfill after all. Still, giving them a semblance of privacy for her mom and dad to spend time with her was noted.

”Mom...you’re exhausted—you need to sleep... I’m worried about you...”

Keeping a shockingly firm iron grip on her hand, her mother used the other to brush away the snot and tears, hiccuping a few times as she tried to rein herself in. ”I t-thought I might lose you... So many things could have happened, a-and I wasn’t here to p-protect you... I’m a failure! Y-You—t-the military... I failed you...”

”Mom...no. You’re going to make me cry again...” Leaning in to kiss her forehead, she held her against her chest for another few minutes, breathing out the heat in her lungs. ”I’m okay. I’m okay, Mom.”

After another fit of emotion, her mother began to calm down enough to just hold her and breathe; it took nearly ten minutes for her to actually be able to draw back to study her red and puffy face.

”You’re...a mythickin lunar hare? The soldiers told us you’d changed a-and what to expect.” She almost started crying again while fixating on her ears, showing a melancholy smile. ”Do...do you remember when I used to dress you up as a hare during Halloween because you liked my stories about the Limpid Jade Hare and Pure Onyx Rabbit? You loved my Korean shamanism tales as a little girl...”

Rachel’s eyes widened, having totally forgotten about those earlier years, likely due to suppressing them after the car accident, but her mother’s stories regarding the Korean hare of misfortune surfaced like a thunderbolt that went from the tip of her ears to her tail.

”You...did tell me a lot about those bedtime stories... About Seonangsin, the Korean patron deity of war, boundaries, and village protection... Her constant fight against the mischievous hare—that’s...” Rachel trailed off, deep in thought.

Mind turning, she considered the Korean fairy tales of her childhood, involving many of the religious figures her mother grew up in with her parents’ believers of the shamanistic roots of their culture; Rachel’s great-grandparents died shortly after her parents had married, so she’d never met them, only heard about their views. It couldn’t be a coincidence that she’d become a lunar hare, could it?

Her mother pulled around her braid to play with the tail end, clearly looking for anything to do with her hands to distract her. ”Hehe. You used to play with...with your cousin all the time—you’d be the Limpid Jade Hare as she took on the role of the hare’s lucky brother... I still have videos of—mmgm...”

Muscles tightening up, Rachel knew it was hard for her mother to talk about her little cousin Seo by name and how interconnected their lives had been before the accident. Kissing her head, Rachel reached over to hold her mother for a time until her quakes passed again, no doubt reliving the car crash.

”It’s okay, Mom. I’m here for you...”

”Aww. You’re so sweet...like Samgong—karma will bring us back together,” she whispered, saying a prayer with closed eyes. ”Everything will be okay in the end—I have to believe everything will be okay in the end...”

Stroking her mother’s head, Rachel had to wonder if her father had legally changed his American name to Sam when they married as almost a joke, considering her mom was so fixated on the Korean shamanistic figure.

”Do you want me to tell you everything I can about what happened to me?”

”Is it too hard? I don’t want to put more stress on you,” her mother whimpered, looking up at her with big, brown eyes full of tears. ”You’ve already been through too much...”

”Mom...”

Knowing she was mainly talking about the accident they’d been a part of that had significantly changed both their lives, Rachel had to curse fate for doing this to her mother; the moment she let go a little, allowing her dad to push her into becoming more independent, this had to hit.

Her mother was traumatized enough, and now that she had this first taste of freedom away from home, Rachel was practically jumping as high as she could go to see what influence she could have on the world. It compounded in her chest; Rachel didn’t want to hurt her mom further, but she also couldn’t back away from her current trajectory.

She had to muddle her way through this sticky situation.