Eternally Regressing in Another World

Chapter 22: Square 17: The Hook That Wouldn’t Come Undone

...I was drunk. Wine, vodka, champagne, brandy, cocktails, the whole lineup. Between all that, my mood had gone completely off the rails, and I ended up drinking way more than I should have. Chugging premium champagne like that, that’s basically bubble era hostess club behavior.

Since she’d offered to let me use the bath, I figured I’d take a quick soak and just pass out afterward. So there I was, heading toward the bathhouse. ...Apparently drinking and bathing don’t mix well, but when you’re drunk, your brain stops working properly.

”Oh, this must be it.”

The mansion was so massive that even finding the bath took some effort. With my vision swaying, I pushed open the door to the large communal bath. Naturally, the bath itself was just as extravagant as everything else. A design where hot spring water poured endlessly from a jug held by a mermaid statue left me staring for a moment without meaning to.

”Um, where’s the wash basin? Ah, there it is.”

With my brain floating somewhere else entirely, I scrubbed myself down without much care. And then, the moment I’d been waiting for, the luxurious hot spring itself.

”Aaahh...”

The instant I sank into the long awaited bath, a sound just slipped out of me. Maybe from the drink, my head felt hazy. But somehow, that felt nice too. The sound of dripping water. The sound of the spring flowing. A woman’s voice. All of it felt pleasant... wait.

”Why is there a woman’s voice?”

...Huh? My buzz cleared away like it had been blown off by the wind. Thinking I’d misheard, I strained my ears again.

”Phew, I think I had a bit too much to drink.”

That was Elizabeth. That way of speaking, that voice, no question, it was Elizabeth. It was definitely coming from the changing room. But why!? This was the men’s bath!? Why would Elizabeth be in the men’s bath... oh. No wait, that couldn’t be right, ...probably not. ...Did I maybe get it wrong?

I was drunk. My vision was blurry. My brain wasn’t functioning properly. ...This was bad. It was confirmed. I was the one who’d made the mistake. I’d just turned into a full blown pervert who wandered into the women’s bath.

”Oh? Is no one here?”

Maybe I should just drown right here and reset back to the start. While thinking that, I hid myself behind the mermaid statue.

”Ahh, this water feels wonderful.”

What do I do!? Think... some way to get out of this situation! It’s fine, I’ve been through worse than this plenty of times before! Well, I’d died plenty of times, but still. I could figure something out, come on, before I get caught!

”Haah...”

...Huh? The steam seemed to be thinning out somehow... I peeked out from behind the statue carefully. As it turned out, the bathhouse door was wide open. At this rate, the steam would keep escaping, making it that much easier for me to be spotted. ...Not that it mattered anymore, honestly. Right now, our eyes were already meeting. Fully, completely, locked onto each other. To put it plainly, I’d been found.

”...Would you be willing to spare me if I just cut off my pinky finger?”

I honestly have no idea why the first thing out of my mouth was some yakuza style finger cutting offer instead of an actual apology. But that’s how terrifying Elizabeth silently closing the distance was.

”...E, Elizabeth?”

We were both technically covered with towels, but there was no way ”I didn’t see anything” would fly as an excuse at this point. Though, to be fair, Elizabeth had kept herself fully guarded even while soaking in the bath, and I swear on my life I hadn’t actually seen anything. Still, Elizabeth grabbed my hand and pulled me over toward the shower area.

”Sit down.”

”...Yes ma’am.”

Saying that, she made me sit down in a chair for some reason. Defying her wasn’t even an option, I couldn’t even bring myself to meet her eyes. Just imagining what kind of expression she was wearing right now made my stomach twist.

”Whoa!!”

A warm towel pressed against my back out of nowhere. The soft, fluffy sensation felt surprisingly nice. ...Was she washing my back? Wait, why?

”Does that feel good?”

”Huh? ...Yes.”

I had no idea what the correct response was supposed to be anymore. At the very least, hunching forward the way I was right now was definitely not the correct response.

”This body soap is actually pretty nice, you know.”

”O-oh, is that so...”

What do I do. The conversation was going nowhere at all. But how was I supposed to keep a conversation flowing smoothly in a situation like this!?

”Something wrong?”

”N-no, I’m f-f-fine...”

I happened to glance at the mirror right beside us, and my eyes went completely blank. Reflected there was me sitting in the chair, and washing my back was... Tender?

”Huh?”

I spun around instantly. But the one washing my back was, without question, Elizabeth. I looked back at the mirror again, and there was Tender. What was going on?

”...Pfft.”

...I heard a voice snort from behind me. That voice belonged to Tender. I turned around again. And the moment I did, the gentle looking Elizabeth dissolved into mist with the snap of a finger. As the mist cleared, it revealed a grinning Tender in her place.

”Ahahahahaha!!!! Sorry, sorry! I just wanted to spook you a little, but it was too funny... puhahahaha!!”

My mouth hung open, completely blank. But slowly, understanding caught up with me.

”Was that just now... magic?”

”Yes, exactly. I happen to specialize in illusion magic.”

Tender said this while wiping tears of laughter off his cheeks. That was the first time in my life I’d genuinely wanted to punch someone in the face. Thinking back on it, though, he’d stopped using formal butler speech partway through. If only I’d noticed that sooner... damn it.

”Ah, want me to keep washing your back?”

”I’ll knock your teeth in, you bastard...”

While I clenched my fists, Tender was doubled over, laughing his head off. He must have gotten seriously drunk himself, considering he’d joined the drinking earlier too.

”Man, you really scared the hell out of me.”

I filled the wash basin with hot water, poured it over my head, and rinsed off the soap. The shock had drained all the blood from my face, leaving me completely chilled. I hurried back into the bath to warm up.

”Ah well, sorry about that. Guess I took the joke a bit too far?”

”Well, it sobered me up at least, so whatever.”

”Ahaha, appreciate that.”

The two of us soaked in the bath, chatting leisurely. As it turned out, listening to him talk, Tender was apparently the head butler. The old butler who’d shown us to the dining hall earlier was, surprisingly enough, one of Tender’s own subordinates. I mentioned casually that I was from another world, but he took it as a joke and burst out laughing. Fair enough, expecting anyone to actually believe that was asking too much.

”But this mansion’s got a ton of butlers and maids, right? You’re still pretty young, how’d you end up climbing all the way to head butler?”

”Climbing up, that’s not really it... There are plenty of people in this mansion far more capable than me.”

”So there’s some other reason, then?”

”Yes, there is.”

Tender began speaking with an expression like he was looking back fondly on the past.

”Elizabeth and I, well, we’re childhood friends.”

”Huh, is that right...”

”When I said I wanted to work here, she said she wanted me close by so she could give me orders without holding back, and that got me appointed head butler right on the spot.”

”Huh, so that’s how it happened...”

Now that he mentioned it, the way Elizabeth acted around Tender did look less like master and servant, and more like actual friends.

”We’ve been together since we were three. Me, Elizabeth, and one more person.”

”Oh, there’s another childhood friend?”

”Yes, a guy named Rick, he’s actually a pretty interesting character.”

”Is he a butler too?”

”No, he’s not part of the mansion staff, but Elizabeth’s given him free access to come and go as he pleases. He lives nearby too, so we see him whenever.”

Free access to a wealthy noble’s mansion, huh. Pretty enviable, honestly. ...Hm?

”Hey, doesn’t it sound like there’s a voice coming from the changing room?”

”Well, there’d be some noise. This bath is shared by both guests and staff. Probably just another butler coming in.”

That explanation made plenty of sense, given that Tender himself was right here. But that wasn’t what I meant.

”No, that’s not it, ...doesn’t that sound like a woman’s voice?”

”Huh!?”

Both of us strained to listen. Sure enough, a woman’s voice was coming from the changing room.

”You... I swear, cut it out already.”

”It’s not me, it’s not me! That’s not me this time!”

Tender’s panic was completely genuine. ...If it wasn’t Tender, then what was this? We both stared intently toward the still open door. A figure appeared, stumbling unsteadily on its feet.

”Hic, uuuh... my bra won’t come off.”

Standing there was Elizabeth, in nothing but her underwear. Her face was flushed bright red, clearly even drunker than the two of us had been. ...Wait, had she been drinking this entire time, right up until now!?

”Waaaah!! What are you doing, Elizabeth!?”

Tender, his face turning bright red, leapt straight up out of the bath.

”Huh? Why ish Tender here~?”

”Never mind that, put your clothes on! The women’s bath is over there!”

”Nooo, thish is the women’sh bath~... oh, it came off~”

”GYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!”

Listening to the two of them making a racket, I decided to just sink a little deeper into the warm water and let the moment pass.