Beware Of Chicken

It was a boring day. The sheep were out to pasture and the sun was beating down.

Zhang Fei the Torrent Rider sighed. He practiced his kata. He swung his stick. But even that was starting to get old.

He was interrupted by Shaggy Two, who started to bark. Visitors? He pulled his mask down and hopped up onto the roof. His eyes scanning the horizon for—

His eyes lit up as he beheld a magnificent form.

“Master!” He shouted happily. Zhang Fei the Torrent Rider scrambled to his feet and jumped off the roof, landing on the ground. His eyes widened as he realized his Master wasn’t alone.

There was an entire group of people with him. There was a short woman with green hair, two pigs, the prettiest girl Zhang Fei had ever seen— and a fish in a jar.

“Greetings, my disciple. Are you well?” Master Bi De asked aloud. “I have abided by my promise. We have met again, haven’t we?”

Zhang Fei smiled brilliantly and dropped into a bow. Shaggy Two yipped.

“So, you’re my disciple’s disciple, huh?” a man asked, amused. He was staring incredulously at Zhang Fei’s mask of power, clearly jealous of it. He was huge! The biggest person Zhang Fei had ever seen! He had a long piece of wood in his hand, curved into an oblong oval. “I heard there was something called torrent riding here, and we decided to check it out.”

Zhang Fei nodded, distracted.

“Ah, yes! This way to the village!” he said, waving them onwards and towards the gate guarded by Master’s talisman.

The group saw the talisman, and stopped in shock.

The giant of a man, the Master of Zhang Fei’s Master, began to roar with laughter.

The rooster preened.

=============

“And this is the Gutter, Great Master.” The kid beside me pronounced loudly as he finished the tour of the village he was performing for me, Meimei, and Chunky. Zhang Fei was his name, but most people shouted “Torrent Rider” at him. He had his chicken mask pushed up on his brow, trying to look majestic and serious, but mostly he just looked a bit silly, with his round face and wild hair.

I whistled, impressed, as I stared at the edifice of stone. The sluiceway looked for all the world like a massive gutter, probably ten feet across. A trickle of pure, clean water flowed at the bottom forming a small stream. The stone was rough looking and had countless pebbles within its base as the occasional minnow and frog swam in the water. The grass around the edges was vibrant, reeds growing along its edge.

“So this is what you guys go down, huh?” I asked. It looked like a good time. Like a massive water slide.

“Yes, Great Master!” he said seriously.

I snorted. “You can just call me Jin, yeah?”

The kid, so uptight, seemed to relax a bit at my easy voice. Chunky oinked from beside me, staring at the ground curiously.

“Yes, Mister Jin. The Lord Magistrate had it built and now all the old folks say that there’s no more floods because of it.”

“I remember seeing plans for this.” Meiling said, as she looked at the stone. “I remember father and Uncle Bao showing me this when we were working on the math for the healing formation. We still have the plans in the store room, I think.”

The kid reared back in shock. “Really?!” he asked.

“Mmm. He complained mightily about the Lord Magistrate’s deadlines. Really, six years for a project like this?” my wife muttered.

I smiled down at the Gutter, impressed. A massive undertaking for this time period, especially without any cultivators to help it out.

I’d have to take a look at those plans myself. I always did like megaprojects. It was no giant pyramid, but it was certainly more useful.

The Lord Magistrate would have probably been in the history books, back in the Before.

We stayed out for a bit longer before heading back to the village.

It was readying itself for a feast. The guest of honour was already seated when we arrived back in the square. I could hear his deep, smooth voice (which was still taking me a bit to get used to, Big D actually talking.) speaking with the villagers. His back was straight, as he addressed people, resplendent in his finery.

It didn’t look as silly as I expected it to.

It was a nice village, what I had seen of it, the Eighth Correct Place. Situated on a giant and rather steep slope that was full of rocks, it was objectively terrible farmland. The bare stone was just under the topsoil and the people here could barely grow their own vegetables.

What they had instead was a hell of a lot of pasture for goats and sheep, and the mine still seemed to have plentiful silver. Production was ramping up even more now that the place wasn’t flooding all the damn time.

Our visit was a bit of a surprise, as we hadn’t really had a plan besides “go somewhere”, but the village had recovered quickly from it. The villagers had rallied and prepared the feast before our tour was even done.

I had been a bit on edge when we arrived, being the center of attention again made me anxious. It had me wondering if this little adventure was a good idea. I’d had enough attention for one year. But somehow, this time… I didn’t feel so stressed about it. Sure, people were happy to see us, like at the Dueling Peaks but they were a bit more laid back about it. Or maybe I just felt different about things because I wasn’t the focus.

Our party was smaller this time for one thing.

Gou had decided to stay back at the farm along with his brother, taking care of things. He had said he had a bit too much adventure for one summer and waved us off. Babe was content on the farm and Ri Zu had decided to catch up on her studies. Bowu, our newest addition, was at Hong Yaowu, having made fast friends with Meimei’s little brother after little Xian started calling him “big bro”.

Peppa and Chunky had decided to come, along with Tigu and Washy. Myself, Meimei, and Xiulan rounded out the party.

Chunky was looking around, curious, while I watched the festivities from the sidelines. The town was celebrating the return of its saviour, and while I had been given some courtesy… It was nice not to be the one everyone was focused on.

I shook my head at Big D. I looked around for the others. I knew Peppa and Xiulan had planned to investigate the silver mines but I couldn’t find Tigu anywhere. Curious, I decided to go looking for her.

========================

The village wasn’t that big, so it didn’t take me too long to find her. When I located her I came across a scene that made me pause.

Tigu stood on one side of the street, her hands on her hips, and her brow furrowed. Across from her was the white, shaggy puppy. The pair were tense. Staring at each other, focused only on one another.

A stand-off for the ages.

The puppy finally broke the stand off, it seemed to expand as it wound up before letting out a terrifically squeaky bark.

Tigu raised an eyebrow at the display of defiance.

“Oh? You dare?” she asked of the puppy, looming over it.

The little beast barked again, standing its ground. For a brief moment, I felt worried as Tigu’s intent flowed from her, but the puppy remained in its place and yipped again, a tiny growl escaping its throat.

Tigu smirked. “I don’t hate it! Come! This Rou Tigu shall trade pointers with you, little guardian!”

The puppy yipped and sprung at her as Tigu crouched down. She danced around the little ball of fluff as it chased after her, yapping incessantly.

“Your voice is strong! Good!” She shouted back. “Your breath is important, so keep it up!”

I leaned back against the wall as the puppy went for another run, simply racing as fast as it could towards her. But its foot caught on a rock and the puppy stumbled. Tigu capitalized immediately.

“Naive!” she shouted, and her finger caught the dog in the side, bowling it over. “Watch your footwork! Else you shall be defeated utterly!” She commanded. “And see? This is how an enemy shall disembowel you!” Tigu lectured as she buried her fingers in the soft fur of the puppy’s stomach, scratching as the little thing wiggled. “Now! Guard your head!”

Her fingers rose up and the puppy raised its paws, mouthing at the digits that wiggled near its nose.

“Good! You must be faster next time, but this Rou Tigu shall commend you!” She called, and the puppy rolled to its feet, letting out a happy yip.

Its tail wagged rapidly.

Tigu let out a strange noise and picked the puppy up, burying her face in its white, shaggy fur.

I snorted and wandered off.

===============

We were welcomed as honoured guests. Eighth Correct Place was bigger than Hong Yaowu by a fair bit, the draw of the silver mine and the ease of travel helped it grow.

The food was mostly goat and sheep based dishes, supplemented with hardy vegetables and roots as well as imported rice. The people, already used to a rooster who had saved them, seemed more mildly intrigued then shocked by the fish and the two pigs who joined him at the tables, serving them with great reverence when Big D named them his “honoured brothers and sisters”.

Tigu was at that table too, instructing a little white puppy whose name I learned was Shaggy Two, in exercises to improve his balance.

The puppy, naturally, didn’t understand a word, but it yipped happily at the right moments.

We ate and we drank. It was a tasty meal. There was a kind of entertainment too. They seemed to have a neat tradition, people came up and shared stories on a stage that was set up in the center. Sometimes legends and sometimes just stories of life.

The one that caught my attention was the story of how this place got its name… which was rather hilarious. There were also bawdy drinking songs, which Meimei and Xiulan had joined in on… and then the last act was held.

The village chief stood up, revealing a wooden prosthetic leg, then hobbled up to the stage.

He looked up a gleam in his eye and grinned at the waiting audience. Voice booming he declared, “Today, I shall tell you the Tale of the Master Rooster and the Village. And why all must heed the powerful talisman that sits at the front of our village!”

A cheer went up from the villagers. I glanced over and saw that Big D seemed almost embarrassed.

I grinned back at the chief, leaned forwards, and listened.

I was rather certain some embellishments had snuck in there, as Zhang Fei the younger looked embarrassed as well… and then twice as embarrassed when Tigu clapped him on the back and complimented his bravery.

All in all, it was a fun night. Not much happened to my relief. We got some rooms and hunkered down for the night.

We’d planned to stay a couple of days, hopefully see one of the “Rumbles” people talked about, then head home. I wanted to see what kind of recipes they would have and Peppa was interested in the chemicals they were using to process the silver…I hoped our time here would be as nice as today had been.

=================

The land rumbled. The hills shook.

“Here it comes!” I heard the Torrent Rider yell. More voices rose in a chorus of exclamations as the sounds hit us. We heard it before we saw it. Like a stampede was headed directly our way.

I was fascinated as I heard the thunder of water coming down the Gutter. A freak flash flood that rumbled down the thing the Magistrate had built.

I knew some of it was from far off rain, the other part of it was from… a geyser? That was what popped into my head, as I started to see the mist.

I paused and shook my head, getting the idle thought out of my head. The call had gone up and already there were children charging out of houses carrying boards and other flotation devices, the Torrent Rider in the lead. The adults looked on, exasperated, but didn’t make any moves to stop the kids as they lined up on the side of the Gutter.

Our little party followed. I had made my own board after Big D had described the thing to us, and Tigu had a spare one in her hand from the Torrent Rider.

The rampage reached us, the head of white water surging downhill as fast as a car. The haute head bucked and writhed like a living thing.

“It’s a big one!” The Torrent Rider roared as he leapt into the air, his board landing under his feet.

I started and nearly jumped to grab the kid as he leaped into the most dangerous part, but the kid didn’t falter. He struck the raging water and stayed atop it whooping as Big D leapt after him, alighting on his student’s board.

A chicken hung ten, thousands of miles from the sea.

I let out a whooping laugh as the other kids jumped in after, not quite brave enough to be at the front. Tigu after staring for a moment at Big D and his disciples’ leap was in like a rocket, her eyes narrow with concentration.

Xiulan stared, mouth slightly agape, as the kid surfed down the waterway. “Just like a flying sword…” she muttered, sounding intrigued.

I held out my own board, and she paused before smiling and taking it. She sketched me a rough salute and then she was gone too.

I sighed at my board getting taken, then shrugged. There were a couple of more square planks around, and one of the larger ones was perfect for my needs. It would work fine as an innertube. I set up then held my arms out to my waiting wife. Meilings eyebrows rose and she gave me a look but she smiled as she got pulled into my lap, and we went down together.

There weren’t any loops or crazy motions, but thundering down the stone gutter was exhilarating, the water sprayed, hitting our faces.

It was the longest waterslide I’d ever been on. We flew past fields and countryside. Rushing past more villages, smaller than the Eighth Correct Place, further down the sluiceway.

More and more people leapt into the waters each time we passed a village. Joining us in the raging river, riding on boards or some even just bodysurfing on the way down.

Washy occasionally burst from the water, leaping up and around swimmers, with perfect grace, looking smugly superior. Several kids got splashed, but one, who looked to be struggling, got a gentle nudge back into position, the water flowing oddly, and gave him a chance to recover. I watched him for a while, reminding myself to thank Washy later, and looked behind us, curious at where the others were.

Peppa was standing on a plank of wood while Chunky’s bulk came down behind her, his back filled with people who had jumped onto him, clinging for dear life to the massive boar as he careened down the sluiceway.

Eventually, the rumbling waters stopped when we shot out into a lake that would barely cover my knees. It was rocky and clear, and near the edges it looked to have been in the process of drying up when the extra water hit it. Water that had a very high mineral content. The thought popped into my head again. Useful and a bit annoying.

I cheered as we slowed, getting pushed out into the water.

Meimei was laughing in my lap.

“That was great.” She said with a sigh as we drifted on the shallow lake.

“That was pretty fun,” I agreed. There was probably enough water in the Gutter to let us go for another, more leisurely run, but it wouldn’t be the same…

Chunky oinked happily, his squeal a thunder of joy.

He clambered out of the water and looked disappointed at the much reduced flow of the Gutter. The kids were talking and laughing, and some of them patted Chunky consolingly as he pouted, his ride now too shallow to really accommodate him.

Peppa frowned and walked over to the water. A fishy head popped out.

Washy glanced at Chunky and said something to Peppa. Peppa passed him several nuts from a small handkerchief tied to a strap that went round her body. A fin bumped against a trotter. The bargain was struck as the dragon disappeared beneath the waves.

There was a rumble, and the kids stared in shock as part of the lake seemed to split, coming alive and running back up the sides of the Gutter aways before turning back around and forming a section of river that just kept flowing.

Chunky oinked happily and jumped into the flow.

“....lets go again” Meimei said, standing up out of my lap and picking up the board. I grinned.

“Race you to the top.” I challenged.

Meimei nodded.

“Ready? One—Oi!”

My wife, the filthy cheater, booked it as soon as I started counting.

We only got a few hours out of it, before Washy had to stop the constant loop, but I learned a great lesson.

You can kind of kickflip on a surfboard, if you smack down hard enough.

But mostly I spent time watching the kids and my family play on the boards. Tigu and Xiulan spent way too much time trying to push each other off until the great dragon breached behind them, upending them both. The carp then spent the next ten minutes running away from them, but the chase was doomed to failure. The great dragon was in his element, shallow though it was, and even while controlling the endless waterslide, he eluded them.

Surprisingly, after the Torrent Rider, the one most enthusiastic about surfing was Peppa. She stayed perfectly still, her eyes forwards, even as the river tried to knock her around.

=======================

That night we had barbecue on the beach, after which I took a quick trip up to the other villages. The kids were still around, and helping out with the cooking while praising the mighty master of the river.

Washy looked to be in heaven as he gobbled up the new flavours, the kids around him cooking the lamb to their preference. Some liked it charred, others rare. Others added goats’ cheese or herbs to the meats, watching with fascination as it disappeared down the black hole that was Washy.

Chunky feasted on slow roasted roots and the bounty of the nearby forest of scraggly trees.

There were a few catfish in the little lake as well. Not a lot of things lived here, since it dried up completely some months and in the winter froze solid, but there were plenty of water plants.

It was more a marsh than a lake, even if the edges were pretty sandy.

I spent my time grilling beside Xiulan, getting my dad on as we chopped and sliced up all the meat and veggies.

Occasionally, we would glance up from our work to something rather interesting.

Namely Tigu losing to Meiling.

Meiling agilely spiked the ball over the fishing net, bursting into cheers on scoring a point as Tigu missed it.

Tigu seemed shocked for a moment, but bounced back easily.

“Nice Shot, Mistress!” She enthused.

Meimei giggled.

“This is fun!” she cheered. ”What did you call this game again, Jin?”

“Beach volleyball.” I said, stretching. Meimei grinned and hopped up and down, a big smile on her face. Her skirt was hiked up around her waist, and her shirt was off, with only her dudou preserving her modesty. Water and sweat glistened on her skin.

I watched the bounce, slight as it was.

It was a beautiful view.

For my part, I was just down to my pants, while Xiulan still had on all her clothes, though they were wet and clinging to her body. It was an... interesting sight.

Then Meimei called Xiulan over. Xiulan pushed her shirt down, exposing the bandages that covered her chest.

And my ability to keep my eyes on my wife was sorely tested.

=========================

“You see the way her nose scrunched up?” I asked, laughing. Xiulan giggled as Meimei elbowed me in the side, glaring.

“My dear husband, and my Sister, you shall both taste mine wrath in due course.” Meimei said primly, then promptly turned to us and her tongue stuck out. She stared down with disgust at the dish in front of her.

Meimei wasn’t a fan of goat cheese. So I enlisted Xiulan’s help and snuck some into some of the barbecue Meimei got. The way her face had scrunched up was, indeed, fantastic. Though her retaliation was sure to be swift.

Hey, if you dish it out, you’d best be able to take it.

I sighed happily as I leaned against the sand berm I had made, a circle around the fire that we were all sitting against. The rest of the kids had gone home via the Chunky Express, leaving just our small party on the beach.

I glanced at Xiulan again and she smirked back, though there was a bit of nervousness in her eyes as Meimei started listing out rather interesting things one could do with herbs.

But... she was smiling and she was still at peace. One that I was slowly settling into as well, even though there was a visible reminder of the cost.

The golden crack in the center of Xiulan’s chest was getting easier to look at without the feeling of overwhelming guilt. Not that my eyes often wandered there, but the translucent sheen drew the eye. Our own relationship was still awkward sometimes, but we had been growing more comfortable with each other. She still slipped up on occasion and called me Master Jin sometimes.

Things were changing though.

I leaned back a bit further, staring deep into the fire. I kinda wished Gou and Yun had joined us. I’d have to go sluicing with the boys at some point. That, at least, had been awesome.

The fire slowly burned low. Our eyes grew heavy and eventually, sleep claimed us all.

I woke up in the morning with Tigu on my chest, Meimei curled into my side, and Xiulan curled against her back.

Peppa was using my leg as a pillow and Big D was on Chunky’s head.

Living the Isekai dream, I thought sarcastically. Waking up covered in women while having a proud and powerful… rooster.

I snorted and laid back down in the sand.

I kissed my wife on the forehead.

What a wonderful day at the beach.