Demonic Pornstar System

Chapter 943: Does It Bite

”Asset classification,” he said. ”Species.”

”You’re in the wrong section of your books, Inspector.” Kaiden said it without any edge. ”Pebble isn’t an asset, and there’s no species line for him either. Under the partnership agreement, every non-human sentient under my authority is a legal person in this country. Pebble’s a resident, same as anyone else on the roster.”

Vespera produced the relevant clause from her folio and held it out to Hobbes until he took it.

Hobbes read it. Then he looked up at the resident, and the resident lowered his head through the air toward him and read him back, one long pull of breath from tie to shoes. The pull rearranged his pages and untucked the entire left side of his shirt.

Pebble sneezed, politely, and returned his head to its post.

Hobbes re-clipped his pages and tucked his shirt back in. His pen resumed as if the weather had been procedural.

”Incident record.”

”None,” Kaiden said. ”He’s never hurt anyone here, and he’s had hundreds of strangers walking past him since sunrise.”

”He shares grounds with non-awakened personnel daily. Construction crews, recruits, vendors.” Hobbes turned a page forward, then back, hunting through his own forms with the first friction the day had put in him. ”A person still needs a legal footprint, Mister Grey. Weight class, hazard category, containment protocols. I have no form where a citizen of this scale can live.”

”If your Bureau ever writes one, I’ll fill it out the same day,” Kaiden said.

There was no form. Hobbes went through the clipboard twice, front to back, and somewhere in the second pass the man visibly ran out of government.

No species code, no hazard class, no box whose ticking would make a building-sized citizen fit the code. Entire careers in his building had been spent making sure a box existed for everything the apocalypse could send through a gate, and every one of those careers had failed to imagine a hillside that loved people.

He clicked his pen twice, which from Hobbes was visible distress. Then he wrote slowly, in the margin where no box was, the only honest sentence available to him.

No applicable regulation.

”Off the record.” He capped the pen, his gaze moving between the six eyes that tracked him back. ”Does he bite?”

”...”

Everyone in earshot paused for a moment, visibly running the question back to make sure it had really been asked.

Does he bite?

This hulking monster created from the congregation of twenty dungeons’ worth of monsters.

Does he bite?

”He’s a guardian hound, not a purse dog,” Kaiden finally replied. ”He bites whatever attacks his family. Nothing else has ever managed to interest him.”

Hobbes took in the scaffolding, four stories of load-rated steel with a dent in the second story shaped like affection, and wrote nothing further.

...

At one o’clock, Alexandra ambushed the federal government with lunch.

She had set a folding table apart from the recruits’ mess. A pressed tablecloth, real cutlery, one place. Hobbes stopped in front of it and did not sit.

”I’m not permitted to accept gratuities from an inspected entity.”

”It isn’t a gratuity,” Alexandra said, apologetic about correcting a federal officer and not remotely willing to stop. ”Lunch is served to everyone on site at one o’clock, and you are on site.” She indicated the recruit tables across the lot with her ladle, where every table was eating the identical stew. ”You’re free to decline.”

Hobbes verified the identical stew at four separate tables, and the recruits nearest him developed a sudden deep interest in their own bowls. Then he sat and ate methodically, and somewhere in the middle of the bowl his shoulders came down for the first time all day.

”The Bureau cafeteria,” he said to his empty bowl, ”has been reheating the same Tuesday for eleven years.”

”I can give you the recipe,” Alexandra said with a smile, in a tone that made the old man do a double take.

No one spoke to the Bureau with kindness, and nobody had in eleven years of Tuesdays. She had offered him the recipe, which meant she expected him to cook it, which meant she had thought about him existing past today. His pen stayed in his pocket. There was no form for this either.

”...That’d be appreciated,” he managed finally.

...

The first training session began at two o’clock sharp, and Hobbes filed his report at Doug’s table to the sound of the whole intake learning what evaluators unannounced meant.

He filled the last page at the same pace as the first, stood, and read the summary aloud to Doug and to the table, in a voice pitched to carry.

”Findings. One occupancy violation. One resident outside any existing regulatory framework, no applicable regulation, no incident record. No further findings. The compound is compliant.”

Down the drive, Eugene Wexler saluted the announcement itself, at full extension.

Hobbes unclipped the visitor badge and returned it to Ms. Rook, who received it like a folded flag.

Then he set a second, thinner stack beside the master roster and squared it. ”Your copies. Entities under inspection are entitled to them.”

He clipped his pen into his breast pocket, nodded to Kaiden and Vespera where they stood off the main path, walked to his sedan, and drove out the way he’d come, forgettable to the last moment.

”This went better than expected,” Kaiden mused, watching the sedan thread between the flatbeds and turn onto the road.

At the table, Doug worked through the copies page by page, because that was the only speed he had, and somewhere past the findings summary his hands stopped.

The packet held one page that no procedure required: the order’s internal routing sheet, every desk it had crossed stamped and timed inside a single afternoon, and two review boxes sitting empty in the middle of the chain.

”He didn’t have to include this,” Doug said.

Vespera crossed to the table, read the page once, and slid it into her folio.

”A clean report,” she said.

Nobody near her needed the rest spelled out: whoever had paid for today was learning, right about now, that cheap didn’t work.

Then she turned back toward the main building, and Kaiden translated the departing silence for Doug’s benefit. ”Enjoy the boring while it lasts.”

The lot went back to being a first day, the squad lists reasserted their importance, and the evaluators resumed ruining hundreds of afternoons.

By evening the report had climbed the Bureau one desk at a time and settled three pay grades above the man who filed it.

...

Back at the compound, the command tent stayed lit long after the lot went dark, and the day’s roles quietly reversed themselves.

Nyx sat at the map table with the routing sheet spread in front of her and her lemonade demoted to a paperweight, tracing the order’s path desk by desk.

Doug worked beside her with the Bureau’s own published procedures open on his tablet, flagging every step the paper should have touched and hadn’t, while the twins delivered the day’s footage cut by camera and hour.

Alice’s audit log, forty vengeful minutes to the page, turned out to be a timestamped record of everything the inspector had touched, which she submitted to the table with enormous dignity.

”We’re avenging ourselves with accounting,” Luna said from the cot she’d dragged in, to nobody who was listening. ”This family used to be so damn cool.”

Somebody out there had bought one comprehensive inspection, effective immediately. By midnight, Eclipse had a counter-investigation running in the opposite direction, and nobody anywhere had signed anything limiting its scope.