My Living Shadow System Devours To Make Me Stronger

Chapter 639: Chapter 640: Smooth Operator

”Forgiveness sounds so grand and noble. It must be easy for someone who never had to look their parent’s killer in the eye.”

Lilith shook her head slowly.

”It’s not.”

”I hate when people who have never experienced any hardship prattle on about their false righteousness, and act like their benevolent ideals make a difference. It doesn’t.”

Her eyes remained fixed on him, sharp yet soft.

”The one I love isn’t some noble and righteous person... but he’s not completely heartless either.”

Lilith had a small, distant smile on her face, her voice calm and steady.

”He can be a liar and a cheat. He’s a murderer too. He’s reckless and arrogant, sometimes really vain and greedy as well.”

Damon took a sip of his alcohol, his brow twitching.

”Hmmm, I didn’t expect this level of harshness. You’re really tearing into me.”

She smiled faintly, her gaze drifting to the distant city lights glittering against the night sky.

”But I think that’s completely fine, because I know even if he failed at being a hero, he also failed to be a villain. He’s stuck in the middle. In his heart he wishes he was a good person, but in reality he’s a nightmare.”

Damon grew still as she spoke, the cold night wind brushing past his hair and chilling his skin.

”That’s fine. You know why?”

Her soft whisper made him frown, his grip tightening on his drink.

”Really, why is that?”

She smiled slowly, her tone tender.

”Because that makes you feel human. I don’t need you to be the strongest, who has all his feelings in control. I don’t need you to have all the answers. It’s fine if you’re lost. It’s fine if you don’t know. It’s fine if you complain to me.”

Damon didn’t know what to say to her, so he just kept quiet. The alcohol in his hand suddenly didn’t seem as appealing as before.

”I love you.”

Her words were soft but loud enough for him to hear clearly.

He didn’t respond, so she repeated herself.

”I said I love you.”

Damon’s lips twitched slightly. Lilith smiled at his reaction, her heart fluttering.

”I also know that he’s somewhat emotionally stunted. He doesn’t really know how to believe anyone can love him unconditionally. But I do. The same way you love Luna unconditionally, the same way you treasure Iris.”

He narrowed his eyes.

”Like a brother then?”

Lilith took a deep breath, her chest rising before she answered.

”No, a little different. Like I want to have a family and lots of children, type of love.”

Damon glanced down at his hands, his expression unreadable.

”Why are you telling me this now?”

Lilith shrugged, her gaze softening.

”It’s not alright that you have so much self-hate. I just wanted you to know that no matter how much you hate yourself for what you can’t change, I will love you more.”

He chuckled softly, his expression impassive even as his heart grew still.

”Huh, I see. And is that a reason enough to lie to a friend? Does that excuse my actions? It doesn’t.”

Lilith gazed at the stars above them.

”Even the gods have hidden a lie, but the world still moves, still remains beautiful. Maybe their lie is hideous, that’s why they hid it away.”

Damon bit his lip. He could hardly call the world beautiful, It wasn’t.

”Knowing is always better than not knowing.”

Lilith shook her head.

”It’s not. Lies can be kind, and truths can be cruel.”

”Xander lives with an ideal of his brother, a noble hero, an icon he adores. But you live with the truth, that he was just a vain fool who killed your parents and was too scared to move on with his life because he knew the truth would catch up to him.”

Damon narrowed his eyes, his voice low.

”What are you trying to tell me?”

She stood up, her feet lightly pressing on the balcony railing as she balanced gracefully.

”Truths are cruel and lies are kind. Godric Ravenscroft was a terrible human being and his sins caught up to him. But Xander has done nothing wrong. Your actions have prevented what could have been the most dire civil war in Valtheron’s history.”

He chuckled with a self-deprecating smile.

”And that makes me just....”

”No. That makes you human. The fact that you don’t want to lie to a friend makes you a good friend. But would a good friend not be strong enough to forgive? Not forgiving made you a good son.”

She shook her head, her hair swaying lightly in the night wind.

”You could only be one. You’ve played the role of a son well. Now you must play other roles as well.”

Damon chuckled bitterly. This woman.

”You are a deeply deplorable person. But then again, how can someone who could love me be anything less than selfish?”

He stood up, a thin smile tugging at his lips.

”You’ve only talked in circles, but this feels like seeing a mental health quarter master.”

”At least it was free.”

With all his strength, he flung the bottle of alcohol into the night sky, the glass spinning before shattering out of sight.

”I’ve decided. I’ll keep being the bad guy. You were wrong about something, though, when you said I can either be a good son or a good friend.”

He raised his hand, his voice heavy with resolve.

”I’m neither. But I can be both.”

Gritting his teeth, he smiled, a dark glow flickering in his eyes.

”I already decided I was going to be the bad guy. If I went back in time, I would have still done the same thing.”

He glanced at her with a thin smile.

”There’s no reason why we can’t both get what we want.”

She narrowed her eyes, her body stiffening slightly.

”What are you planning?”

He raised his hand with a dismissive wave.

”I don’t know. I’ll figure it out as I go, one step at a time. Starting with the war games.”

His seed of depravity grew feeding on his inner darkness...

Yes this was something demonic.

It was these small changes, these tiny acts, that accumulated into depravity.

Lilith smiled faintly, taking a deep breath before letting out a sigh of relief. At least his mood seemed better.

”I figured you would say that. Anything but acknowledge my feelings, huh?”

Damon smiled at her. Before he could say anything, she waved her hand, bringing out three small vials of potion.

”Here. These are Soul Blaze potions, and the reason I was late.”

Biting her lips slightly, she hesitated before explaining.

”They have the ability to temporarily nullify any damage to a soul, so you can fight at full power with this three times. But only three, and they only last for a short time.”

Damon took the vials carefully, turning them in his hands.

”Where did you get this?”

Lilith crossed her arms with a small frown.

”Well, I spent the whole night begging my grandmother for them, only to give them to a guy who ignores a girl who says ’I love you’.”

Damon scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

”Ouch, my eye....” He pressed a finger against it. ”Hey, help me out. I think something got in my eye.”

Lilith didn’t see anything, but she was worried, so she leaned closer to help him blow whatever it was out.

”Hold on, let me see.”

She moved her lips worriedly, and as soon as she did, he tilted his head slightly, brushing his lips against hers.

He kissed her lips until she felt her face begin to heat up.

Her eyes widened slightly as Damon pulled back, then smiled.

Wrapping his hands around her waist, he glanced at her.

”This banquet is kind of lame. Wanna go on a street food date?”

Her face turned slightly redder, her expression stunned. She nodded absentmindedly, still processing what just happened.

Damon took her hand and jumped down the balcony with her, both of them falling into the shadows.

In that one moment, he suddenly felt ridiculous for letting something like this bother him.

He did not regret killing Godric. He was ready to live with this lie for as long as he needed to.

So what if a faceless avatar of himself was the villain.

You could call it a lie... but Damon called it mercy.

The shadows hid things that should not see the light.